Revealed: the secret affliction of our misunderstood politicians, and a couple of cartoons you won't be seeing in the Daily Astonisher. any time soon.

Like so many others in this neck of the woods, The Magpie is mightily glad that warmer weather is on the way. The best summation of the more than a bit nippy temperatures of recent times was Deirdre McFondle's lament that 'it's been so cold that my headlights have been on high beam for three months'. And when Deidre's lights are on high beam, it is a spectcular vista which is illuminated but it does make jogging painful. That's OK, we can always turn the air conditioning on full blast when our gal pops around to Poseurs" Bar in the warmer months for a dainty glass or two of chardy.
Back in the real(ish) world, the spritely nature of language was on display this week on several fronts, topped by two great headlines from local media.


Also this week we campaign for the return of a long-neglected word that so aptly fits modern politics and the media; we show you a couple of cartoons that you won't see in The Townsville Bulletin; and The 'Pie explains the medical reasons why we should be utterly ashamed of how we treat our politicians. It's all here at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au

The Moaning Mullet and the dreaded 'C' word

In these troubled times, it is always good to have some lighter moments to alleviate the gloom, so it was a good article on Monday by Townsville Bulletin Associate Editor Jenny The Moaning Mullet Hill, who is always good for a hearty larf.

For a brief mid-week thigh slap and chortle, soldier on here in The Nest at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au

Townsville's Exchange Hotel to keep - ahem - abreast of the times, Rupert tells it the way it is, and another bedroom bandicoot for The Lodge?

First, on the local front, it's not so much about what's going on, it's more about what's coming off.

The venerable old Exchange Hotel on Via Vomitorium (aka Flinders Street East) is about to become a tits and bum bar ... err, sorry, that is a Gentlemens' Club, along the lines of Santa Fe Gold across the road. 

Topless gals downstairs in the ground floor bars, and upstairs, poor impoverished waifs who can barely afford a pair of wooly, sequined knickers will make do on chilly nights by warming their goose bumps with impromptu lap dances on blokes who take a sort of paternal pity on their plight. Aussie blokes are good that way. They can always rise to the occasion.

How did all this come about? Read on here at this week's Magpie's Nest www.townsvillemagpie.com.au

Television gave us Secret Squirrel business, Townsville Council gave us secret Tyrell business, Typo calls the kettle black, and the new loopy language in the paint store.

It's been a week which will perhaps be remembered for our prime minister talking crap ... literally. In an address broadcast nationally, the Mother Meerkat's exhortation to the Canberra Press Club members not to write 'crap' was unusual to say the least. 

On the face of it, this was a clear request to stop quoting her, because the glaringly obvious solution to achieve her goal would be for her stop talking. Add Bob Brown, Tony Abbott, Bob Katter and Alan Jones, and the country's dangerously high carbon mouthprint would plunge instantly. 

But writing crap doesn't always happen when someone says something. Here in The 'Ville, it was what wasn't said that caused the problem, with the City Council's secret guest list for the box at the V8 SuperPests last weekend.

It was a mysterious and ill-advised move, but The Magpie has been able to solve the puzzle and take a peek at the guest list.

In the hilarity department, he also explains why Typo earns the goofiest Gotcha! award of the year so far, in this week's natterings from The Nest.

A mid-week missive from a humble 'Pie who blushes at the flattery from a most unlikely quarter - and offers a bit of a larf at some of the classic cock-ups from newspaper from around the world.

Today, it is a humble Magpie who glides into your inbox, head bowed in embarrassment at the flattery bestowed upon him from a most unlikely source ... The Daily Astonisher!!

Well, Typo and crew haven't exactly made any direct reference to their favourite weekly read, but it cannot be any other way. 

More on that later, but in order to keep this mid-week missive light'n'bright, it is timely, given the dark doings of certain London papers, to have a look at the harmless mirth caused by the sometimes deliberate, sometimes inadvertent publishing cock-ups around the world and down the decades.

It's all here in the mid-week Magpie's Nest at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au

Prince Peter of Lindsay has trouble keeping his feet on the ground - why The Astonisher is a notable 'no show' at the Townsville show - and an apt epitaph for the passing of a paper.

Uh oh, looks like the lordly Prince Peter of Lindsay, the former Laird of Herbert, is still up to his 'let them eat cake' ways even after retiring from the court of deposed King John. Not for the first time, Peter Lindsay is still living - or actually flying - high on the hog in his taxpayer-funded retirement.

Papers tabled in federal parliament during the week confirm that Prince Peter is leading the pack in travel expenses for retired MPs over the last six months of last year.

Spoil your day by reading about it in this week's nest at www.townsvillemagpie.

The simple answer to the question of gay marriage, and Typo's bad date.

First up, this week's Moment of Deep Contemplation came, from of all places, the Savvy section of the Daily Astonisher, which, while wittering on about the latest fashion in slacks,   offered this startling advice 

'But surprisingly, if you fit the right voluminous slacks to your body shape, pretty much anyone can pull them off.'

And no doubt will, after a heady Friday night down on Flinders Street East. Nothing like ease of operation that bypasses all those fiddly zips, hooks and buttons and other impedimentia to a good time. In The `Pie's day, this apparent dropping of the tweeds was known as a 'pantsing'. Nice to see the old traditions coming back, with the added attraction of a fast draw on the drawers if the gals are caught short down on Via Vomitorium after the 3am lock-out.

In other matters this week, gay marriage is in the news again (yawn), with The Big Apple making it legal, but we have a revolutionary solution to put this tedious saga to rest. We also have a couple of other matters concerning The Astonisher, including  praise - yes! praise, and we ain't talkin' mayonnaise here, brothers! - for some genuinely outstanding reporting, and The `Pie exclusively reveals a rare honour for Typo; he joins a small but select club of newspaper editors, a club that meets on the eighth Tuesday of every month.

So suspend your disbelief and be The Magpie's guest in this week's nest.