Is there a case for the Townsville City Council to make a special medical grant so Mayor Jenny Hill can get the proper treatment she obviously needs for her galloping paranoia? This week has seen two classic instances of our poor old Mayor Mullet’s losing battle with reality.

The other burning question this week: why is the Townsville Bulletin actively encouraging kids to kill themselves?  Do they need stories that badly?

And from Canberra, in what must be the biggest load of political hot cock since MP Craig Thompson had a night on the town, Joolya deals out political poisoned flour to anyone dumb enough to swallow her reasons for her latest recruitment announcement.

There also seems to be a succession of startling, sometimes stomach-churning, medical breakthroughs lately, but now its seems, if you eat some of your own s …. hmmm, no, we’ll leave that for later, but it’s startling, revolting … and could save your life.

And why the Townsville City Council gets the week’s Wussy Wetting Pants Award.

That and more, all here in this week’s soggy old nest at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au

The Daily Astonisher seems to think our Mayor Mullet has been withholding a very personal secret from us – and why JCU‘s Vice-Chancellor is (probably) pissed off with her Douglas neighbor Townsville Hospital’s economy-sized Napoleon Jolly John Bearne.

But that won’t be the only battle for Mr Bearne, who generously spreads his unique management style across more than one arena – so get set for a monumental finger-pointing, down and dirty eye gouging and nut-crunching blue over the work at Jezzine Barracks – the project looks to be in more strife than the early explorers, described by council as ‘overdesigned’ well beyond budget

We also ask the question – and answer it – who is Senator Barmaids?

And The Magpie is proud to announce a new award, the Kathleen Skene Engraved Brass Spittoon For The Best Spray of the Month – and to get it rolling, The ‘Pie will tempt another Astonisher journo to become eligible when he says nice things about her.

All that and more, here in this week’s nest at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au

Good gracious me! - that’s old speak for WTF – but WTF indeed this week – Community Leader Mullet is In jail!! Also, Messagebank Walker actually agrees with The Magpie, finally – and The Magpie has reason to agree with him (gasps all round).

Yes, it’s true, a jailed Mullet – but just before you Townsville Firsters start reaching for the champagne, there’s a twist in this tale.

In local matters, The Astonisher goes down and dirty in the grubbiest manner (it involves the ‘C’ word – yes, that ‘C’ word) – and then deigns to lecture us on community responsibilities.

Also, are Messagebank and Mayor Mullet each eying a move to loftier office? Some detect early maneuverings which most likely should be filed under ‘Dept of Dreams, see in your…’ - the old bird will do his scurrilous best to apprise you of a possible Nightmare on Walker Street. 

Gals, wanting a hot time but sick of blokes who are couch potatoes? Time for a change of vegetables then, and does The ‘Pie have just the goods for a red hot time for you.

Plus on the international scene, ever been disconcerted when pooches sniff you around the nether regions? Well now, the right dog could save your life - a remarkable pooch program that can detect fatal bacteria-carrying diarrhea – before it – err -  happens!! 

And how the world turns, especially when it comes to compulsory voting, just part of the whole load of dog-detectable guano in this week's nest at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au

Let's start the year off with a small guessing game. See if you know the answers before peeking.

The newspaper adage has it that Dog Bites Man is not news, but Man Bites Dog is. Well, The 'Pie can go one better - journo bites bird.

Yep, the old fella has been savaged by no less than an award winning Bulletin journo (that's a small field, can you guess? Clue: it's not Tony Raggatt.)

Also, how the world turns - we all know that Peter Lindsay is now Tony Mooney's boss, but you'll never guess who else comes under Prince Peter's sway.

The third guess is how much money Britain has coughed up to stop South American cows farting and arranging meetings between climate change folks and African tribal rainmakers.

Plus the week's most apt name, and Bentley takes on the ageists of the motoring world, all here in the nest at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au