A Full-Frontal Naked Magpie, Two Meatheads and Titters All Round.

'Tis the season to light-hearted and light-headed and all that malarkey, so over the holiday period, unless something of import happens, The Magpie will give politics a miss and concentrate on the inconsequential.

Jeez, wot a bluddy change, the Greek chorus chants in the background.


First a seasonal jest. We've all heard about Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, but have you heard of Rudolph the brown-nosed reindeer? He could run as fast as the others, he just couldn't pull up as quickly.

No, no, just kidding, c'mon back, keep reading, it can only get better. Obviously.

Leaking All Over The Place

How bloody selfish and grasping can the south-east corner of this state get?

Now they've pinched our weather.

Listen you lot down there, that sort of storm and flash flooding during the week is our go up here. We demand that you return our whingeing rights, and reserve any `super cells' down there for the likes of Gordon Nutall.

And that's not all.

"What's in a name? " William Shakespeare... "Bugger all" Typo Gleeson.

More on the faceless side of the the Townsville Astonisher shortly, but first …

While doing a little back-reading for this week's load of great steaming garden fertiliser, The Magpie was astonished - well, after all, the article was in the Daily Astonisher - by a frank and somewhat personal utterance of Townsville City councillor Ray Gartrell when talking about the water charging issue.

Quoth the Daily Twaddle:  "Cr Ray Gartrell admitted concern had been widespread but people just needed to be more aware of their water usage.

"My family enjoys long showers so we'll have to watch it," he said."
Huh, pardon?

Doing The Pollie Jostle - A New Nightclub Craze?

NEWSFLASH        NEWSFLASH         NEWSFLASH        NEWSFLASH

Here's a last minute special to kick off with this week. DAVID CRISAFULLI has been selected as the Liberal National Party candidate in Mundingburra.

The Kid will take on whoever gets the nod to take over from the retiring Lindy Nelson-Carr - the bird keeps hearing the name Jacobs, but understands its not that Labor stirrer from the northern beaches who has a public profile through his protests about the council's water fiasco.

The Magpie understands the LNP heavyweights from down south - and not just Brisbane - `put the weights on' a genuinely reluctant Crisafulli, who has consistently - and The Magpie believes genuinely - saw his future and his passion for change at the local government level only.

But the political landscape is changing at such a cracking rate, things have descended into a such a mess in Queensland - and timing is as important as perception in politics - The Kid's decision is not only timely, but a major one for Townsville and North Queensland generally.

The Magpie reckons that to get The Kid to alter his firmly held views about his political future, he must have been given more than a small sweetener. The old bird guesses that would be an instant ministerial spot on victory, and at worst, if some sort of well-known last-minute disaster happens and Labor tumble back in, Crisafulli will be potent force inside the shadow cabinet.

All this will have a few Labor folk in a tis, it will start a chain reaction in the scheming and everyday backstabbing agenda around the boondocks. Especially in light of the latest polling by the Labor Party itself, which shows - even before The Kid tossed boater in the ring - that they won't have a hope of holding Townsville or Mundingburra, and Cuddlepie Wallace in Thuringowa is at the moment 50/50.

Now to other matters, which can, given the foregoing,  be read in a somewhat different light to when they were written earlier in the week...

Farmer Tyrell Under Fire - From Within

First, a touch of media watch yuk-yukery from the past week.

Lisa Miller ABC correspondent, commenting on the murder charges Alabama has laid against `honeymoon dive wife killer' Gabe Watson, informed surprised listeners that `These are fairly serious charges'. One supposes that the aquatically maladroit Mr Watson can count his lucky stars that he isn't facing some extremely - rather than fairly - serious charges, like riding a bicycle without a helmet or peeing in public.

The sports quote of the week (as previously passed on via twitter and Facebook) came from Mark Tubby Taylor, commenting on the first day crowd at the Australia-England test match in Brisbane...

All The News That's Fit To Print... But Isn't

Now here's a curious thing.

It is generally known about town that one of our most respected and influential businessmen, Richard Ferry, has been laid up in a South African hospital for some time now, after losing a bout with a extremely poisonous spider. Richard and his wife were on holidays when the (nearly fatal, The Magpie is told) bite happened.

It's been a battle requiring some true grit, but at last report, we are happy to relay that Richard is on the mend, and should be returning to Townsville soon. The Magpie wishes him well, as I'm sure many in our community do too.

Now that they know, that is...

Where Monaghan Won't Be Drinking...

If Joel Monaghan joined the Melbourne Storm, it'd be a safe bet he wouldn't be drinking at the Dick Whittington pub on Chapel Street.

This long favoured watering hole has been around for yonks, so long is it is universally known as The Dick and is so firmly established, it had moved... beyond the sniggering stage. Howe...ver, the yuk-yuckery has returned recently, when the owners decided to build a drive-through bottle shop. 

'nuff said.

 

 

LNP Preselection: An Army Man For An Army Town?... and His Radiance Arising?

Following up on the Pollie Wannabe post, The Magpie has been graced with some further fevered breathings down the MagpieFone, naming the four hopefuls seeking Liberal National Party preselection for the state seat of Townsville. The old bird's shallow nostril (he still isn't grand enough to afford a `deep throat') was in a teasing mood, serving up some juicy morsels but refusing to say what is for dessert.

Wannabe Pollies In Pre-Selection Polka

THERE’S a week or two of sharp elbows coming up for prospective candidates jostling for the Queensland LNP. Nominations closed today, Wednesday, for hopefuls wanting to represent the party previously known as the Lovable Laughables aka the Queensland Nats.

What, The Magpie Finished?!

FARK NO!

The old bird has simply moved to a new nest in the blogosphere, a universe where both you readers can move your lips while you peruse his regular load of old cobblers, or `column’ as it is known in some circles. In this smarty pants techno world, it’s now officially a `blog’, with regular `posts’ and guess what? You readers – yes, both of you – can have a say too. Just stick the tongue out of the corner of your mouth, crinkle the brow in concentration and – hey, knock yourself out, use two fingers if you like - tap out a message in the comment area provided. It will be published if it gets past the battalion of lawyers on alert for legal naughtiness.

The Magpie blog is also a work in progress, and will expand as the weeks go by with new links to some very interesting places. If you like, The Magpie will give you an email alert whenever he posts a new load of drivel, which will be at least every week, possibly more often. Just email him requesting same at townsvillemagpie@gmail.com

So here it is...

The First Farking Post.

Language is much to the fore in The Magpie’s mind this week - which is kinda handy for a writer.

The Magpie has tried coining a new word `pubter’, which he will allow is more than a bit clumsy to say but is a handy noun to describe punters who do their hard-earned in pub gaming rooms.

This idle line of inquiry was prompted by the latest linguistic confection to pervade Canberra, the self-important, fatuous ‘pre-commitment’.