It’s been a week of piss-poor politics all round, but it isn’t hard to choose the Goof of the Week Award – yet again, it is a lay-down misère for our own Jumbo Dumbo, Ewen Jones He’s the federal member for Herbert – for the moment.

Yup, the Jones boy collects the gong for his latest jaw-dropper – an extraordinarily arrogant attack on child care workers, a blast that goes well away from party policy and has infuriated several party poohbahs who are certain to yet again have to carpet their loose cannon.

It is just the latest in a running string of cringe-worthy antics from a bloke who just doesn’t get it. The gory details of this latest in elitist twerpery follows.

And hey gals, how’s your whohoo? Your  froofroo? Perhaps the inquiry should be about your hooha, or perhaps your nooni?  Even, gawd help us, your Aunt Kitty? To use a low-rent Americanism , this is a fascinating tale about two tails … the first about the disputed use of the word ‘vagina’ in an Australian TV ad , and the second, in Britain,  about the swift kick in the euphemism provoked by a similar ad over there  because it used anything but the word vagina.  The ‘Pie has the whole story in this week’s nest.

All here in the nest at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au

It’s show and tell time for TEL – Townsville Enterprise boss David Kippin is about to take his begging bowl to Townsville Council for his annual dollop of ratepayers’ gruel. But will his struggling organization become a victim of the local and state Razor Gangs?

Yep, the Daddy Warbucks of Townsville Enterprise is probably a worried man right now – the old saw that comes to mind is ‘as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs’. Perhaps with good reason.

In other matters, the Nanny State Award of the Week goes to those horse racing authorities who rule on suitable names for the neddies – another case of not quite having a handle on the English language, or common sense.


It was a case of pride going before a fall for one Astonisher journo recently ... and, of all things, we look at the capsules that time forgot … the week’s most curious story concerns Rule Number One for time capsules – it is more or less important – nay crucial – that you remember where you buried the bloody things. You’ll be surprised how many people don’t. And both you readers are invited to nominate what should be included in a Townsville time capsule if it was buried now.

All that plus Bentley uncovers a cunning pensioner plan to improve their lot, all here in this week’s nest at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au

Breakthrough! Mayor Mullet and Vern Shogun Veitch show a united front to smack down – would you believe – the Townsville Bulletin. And they did a good job of it, too.

Yes, the Daily Astonisher’s blatant beat-up and childishly posturing editorial about the council budget went one fantasy too far, and forced a comical climb down the next day.

And The ‘Pie takes a squizz at some of the more amusing moments in sporting commentary of the past week, including what must be the most hilarious mixed metaphor of the year. It’s all here in a mid-week nest at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au.

Is it now Mullet the Mystic? Was our mayor channeling Sir john Kerr and his memorable Melbourne Cup presentation of 1977, with her performance at the V8s last weekend? Some people seem to think so. The Magpie doesn’t.

No, no, NO, you’ve got it all wrong!

It has been unkindly and, for this bird’s money, inaccurately rumored  that Mayor Mullet was – to use the pommy vernacular – tired and emotional as a newt at the end of Saturday and Sunday’s vehicular diversions. The ‘Pie will reveal his cunning theory about this whole brouhaha, something the blokes have missed through their own uncaring male chauvinism.

Speaking of mayors and chauvinism, we’ll briefly visit a very brave council boss in Germany, who has created ‘men only’ parking spaces in the council garage … and why the frauleins love him for it.

We also take a gander at where some of our defeated pollies are occupying themselves these days.

It’s all here in this week’s nest at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au  

The Fatman versus The Hatman – the battle for Kennedy that will almost certainly never happen. And the V8 SuperPests will entertain some of us this weekend, but it’s the financial finagling at the back of the garage that will get hearts racing.

Yup, it’s the Townsville Fibbing 400 that’s starting to create more friction than the tyres on the starting grid. Some are starting to ask what is the real extent to which we are being ripped off as a city.  Or, put somewhat poetically, while the boys behind the wheel make a dashing team,  it’s the men behind the deal who have our dosh and should come clean. (With apologies to all you poetry lovers out there in Vincent.)

Plus a look at that astounding moment when our Trade Minister stripped a gear and startled everybody into thinking he was having a grand mal seizure on camera when he was actually trying to err, well … sing. But The ‘Pie reckons Craig Emerson has a reason for making us cringe … it’s a reason that has greatly exercised Bentley’s pen this week. It’s all here in the nest at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au