Looks like TEL’s Daddy Warbucks Kippin will now have to sing for his supper at the council, but it seems it will be a private recital, not open to the great unwashed (that’s us, folks). Is Messagebank Walker showing early signs of preening for higher office? - and when journo’s fight, the outcome is vicious … side-splittingly hilarious but vicious.

Yep, The Magpie has unearthed a classic rip’n’tear effort sparked by the sexist hoopla in Canberra.

On that matter, Joolya goes from politics before principle to principle before politics to in a matter of minutes … and why an amused Prince Willy grinned and tittered.

All this and, unfortunately, more, all in this week’s nest at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au

 First, the inconsequential.

The ‘Pie  took pause last Tuesday when he heard of a yacht missing off the Queensland coast. It was called the Terra Firma, which really, isn't that asking for trouble. Perhaps it was named for an inept navigator and the air/sea search was in the wrong place – maybe there should be a check if it’s circumnavigating  Ayers Rock.

Speaking of out of place, here’s something The ‘Pie overlooked last week – a beaut little whoopsy from The Orstralian.

Those pocketed hands don't help.

This no doubt came as a surprise to the Mrs Sinodinos and Briggs, and no doubt caused tabloid editors' to ask 'how did we miss this'?

Then there was the magic moment for Prince Willy on his South Seas jaunt – given that he believes in For My Eyes Only topless bathing with his missus, he obviously likes a close-up inspection for comparison – a touch of tropical norkelling, you might say. 

'By gosh, Katy Kat, these are almost as spiffing as Pippa's!'

Doubt if this photographer will end up facing a non-publication order in a French court. 

On the matter of bits that are regarded as private, news from pommyland of a new DIY test for obesity. This one’s for blokes only – the report says experts reckon if you can’t see your penis when standing upright (that is presumably you, not your old fella) then you're fat, and prone to all sorts of ailments, including embarrassment and sick jokes. 

But The Magpie takes issue on several aspects of this assertion. 

Where's Willy? This bloke obviously doesn't know.

The report does not take into account vital factors, like for instance, where you live. This must surely be a factor – a bloke living in Siberia would be at a distinct disadvantage of suffering ‘chilly willy syndrome’ against someone living in the tropics. And the role of gravity is not taken into account – you might, as the yanks say, have a magnificent Johnson, but when not otherwise employed, it is probably staring resolutely down at your ankles, and not providing much evidence of its presence from topside. Then there is the crucial question of … ummm … mood and setting. The very portly Mongrel the Barrister reckons he’s only half fat, because, given the right circumstances ‘I can only see half of it hur hur hur’. Although The Magpie generally seeks to report only facts, he will let Mongrel’s claim stand on it own. Anyway, if you want depress yourself blokes, read about it here.

And still in the anatomically doubtful world, here’s a quote, not used at the time, from The Astonisher’s state election coverage. The ‘Pie had filed it away, and it’s too good not to be recorded.

The Astonisher was spruiking up local sparky and Labor candidate for Mundingburra Mark Harrison, who was always going to be an also-ran against Kid Crisafulli. But he wasn’t going down without a fight, according to The Bulletin which curiously reported ‘The largely unknown Mark Harrison, who is replacing the retiring Lindy Nelson-Carr to contest Mundingburra, was busy hammering signs around the seat to ensure his face would be imprinted on the minds of voters’. 

On current matters political, the week gave us the cheery spectacle of our Prime Minister setting a new benchmark for political expediency and double standards. The ‘Pie wonders if Ms Gillard carries around a portable 'corner', which she throws up and promptly backs herself  into when a tricky situation arises. Because it is now widely agreed that when in a corner, she is at her fighting best.

She voted to keep that repulsive Peter Slipper in the speaker’s chair for blatant political reasons, (even Slippery Pete knew the game was up and resigned anyway) but in so doing, had to de facto endorse his grubby texted sexist references to women. Then she launched into an eloquent and spell-binding attack on Wingnut Abbot in one of the best hard-hitting and uncompromising – but hypocritical – anti-misogynist speeches heard in Parliament for years. Most of the gals in the professional feminist claque chose to turn a blind eye to the double-dealing aspect of the matter, and made hay – well, chaff really - while the sun was shining for them.

Bentley is fed up, too, and wouldn't feed any of 'em, pollies and media alike.

All that will roil on for a while until the Canberra media groom up the next cause du jour, but the best sidelight action in this subject came from a blogger who took exception to SMH senior reporter and columnist Paul Sheehan.  There are many – the ‘Pie among them - who believe the once respected Sheehan is rapidly sinking into old codgerdom irrelevancy verging on outright crackpottery. This notion isn’t dispelled by his recent, almost incoherent ramblings including the  Jones ‘died of shame’ stuff and the charges of women hating filling the air. Now a warning  - this link contains some rugged language that may set the Wedgewood rose-pattern porcelain of Earl Grey atremble in your delicate hand as you reach for the smelling salts, so just be aware that that will be the price you have to pay for one of the funniest, angriest and excoriating verbal smack-downs ever to hit cyberspace.  The opening faux apology will go down as a classic.  Conan, you will love this. The ‘Pie  is green with envy.

On the local political scene, The ‘Pie came across an interesting snippet. Following up a posted comment of a few weeks back, it seems that while Townsville Enterprise further copped a further $800k (give or take) of ratepayers hard-earned, there is a new accountability deal afoot. 

David Daddy Warbucks Kippin.

David Daddy Warbucks Kippin, the man who would have been the mayor of this city had he not gone back on firm pledges to run in order to catch the Express Gravy Train down at TEL, will now have to periodically front council to account for the largesse of public money funneled to him. Not only that, but The ‘Pie hears that the council will be able to basically give him and his chairman their riding orders in some areas that the council feels their money should go towards. The council directing where ratepayer money is spent is as it should be, and always should have been. All well and good for – finally – some transparency, you cry in heel-clicking joy.

Not so fast.

Although it is yet to be confirmed, those meetings will probably not be  ‘council meetings’ but ‘workshops’ – and thus will not be open to the public or the media. So we won’t be privy to any targets, reached or otherwise, and will just trust that TEL is carrying on its supposedly noble causes of spending our money without any real accountability. And given the rumored financial strife surrounding TEL (one caller suggested if it wasn’t for public money from surrounding councils and the government, this supposedly membership-based organization would’ve gone west yonks ago, not even able to meet their wages bill – and a bit of staff culling is now said to be a strong possibility), Daddy Warbucks will no doubt claim some sort of spurious ‘commercial in confidence’ situation – which, in this setting, is of course, bullshit.

It would be nice if TEL could just tell us what they’re doing in substantive terms. A tiresome example came during the week. The ‘Pie was amused when ABC Radio interviewed a bubbly young lady from TEL, who, not surprisingly given the cheerleader mindset of the place, made it sound like TEL had personally organized the upcoming eclipse which is attracting visitors north. If TEL has done anything to promote the event, why not tell us? Or is it just yet another ‘on the coattails’ ploy?  That seems to be symptomatic of the problem - they're not telling us, which comes across as arrogance and entitlement.

Perhaps TEL should be renamed Townsvillle Eclipse Limited, since they keep us in the dark so much.

On other matters, seems Mayor Mullet is sensibly laying low and thus avoiding low lying, presumably awaiting the CMC’s decision as to whether she was low lying with her allegations of bureaucratic naughtiness by her CEO Ray Burton. So there is no skullduggery to report in that department – yet - but while The Mullet is keeping a low(ish) profile, does The ‘Pie sniff the start of a self-promotion campaign by our old mate Les Messagebank Walker?

Les Messagebank Walker

Is he dreaming dreams of greater glory? Several people have been breathing down the MagpieFone that  Messagebank has been popping up everywhere, and sticking his beak into ratepayer concerns well out of his bailiwick.  Nothing wrong with that, nice change to see him active in his political dotage, but it’s surprising for two reasons.

Messagebank was seen as one of the laziest councillors in the Mooney era – The ‘Pie hasn’t checked the records himself, but a very reliable source says that for some years Les was the council delegate to the North Queensland Games (or some such outfit) and didn’t attend a single meeting. And he had a similar record as our city rep on the North Queensland Field Days. If this is wrong, Les, The ‘Pie will be happy to hear from, and publish, your response (naughty words edited out).

The other irony is that Messagebank’s famous refusal to answer or return calls from residents wanting assistance (hence his moniker) allowed David The Kid Crisafulli to lift his public profile no end by attending to those matters Messagebank wouldn’t. Wonder if he’s trying the same ploy, in the hope that Mayor Mullet decides at a crack at higher things and the Walker Street throne goes up for grabs? Bit of a stretch, maybe, but there have been bigger self-deluders around this burg before (think Anita Phillips, David Moyle, or the Forest Gump Water Watch Party).

Enough now, it is away to Poseurs’ Bar, where the old bird will do his best to beguile a suitable lass into assisting him with an obesity test. But given The ‘Pie’s record, fat chance.