There's no rest for the wicked, but nevertheless The Magpie is feeling somewhat relaxed just now (as you will see).

But it's Magpie season all year round, so the old bird can't  ignore the wonderful consistency of The Daily Astonisher - a consistency that is less than smooth, and certainly is not free of clots. Right to the dying days of the year, the Bulletin manages to make up stories. 

And can't even agree on facts between themselves.

So to demonstrate HIS consistency, a final swoop from The Magpie in this the final column forn the 2012 at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au

Right up to the last Saturday of the year, the Townsville Bulletin has managed to conjure up a screaming headline out of thin air that is guaranteed to make sure we feel we have a rotten community that is prey to all sorts of uncaring bureaucratic impositions. 

And as usual, it's based on bullsh-t.

A front page screamer tells us brealthlessly 'NOT IN SERVICE' with a secondary headline decaring 'Bus Company Under Fire From Residents'.

But the buses ARE in service, and let's have a look at the second claim.

Talk about lies, damned lies and statistics. And about being up yourself.

The residents in question have been winkled out of replies to the paper's annual box-ticking, pompous and highly unrepresentative ' State of the North'. 

This annual exercise in manufacturing fairydust stories from the resultant whinge-fest takes ticked answers to a plethora of questions in a published iist of what the paper thinks are 'hot button' issues,  for the sole purpose of having something to alarm you with during the silly season. Be ready for dozens of stories quoting these dogdy statistics across a whole range of things you didn't know you should be worrying about.

In the article itself, Kath Skene tells us that there were 938 replies to the survey - NOT the 'more than a thousand' in the supporting editorial. (The 'Pie's money is on Skeney). Of these, 48% ticked the 'poor' box and 42.4% rated local bus services 'average'. Lumping those together, we learn that more than 90% of respondents are less than impressed with Townsville's transport arrangements.

Question: is that word 'average' - ie in the sense that the bus service was more or less what one would expect, or 'average', as in the usual meaning around here of  'The Townsville Bulletin is pretty bloody average'? Probably the latter.

But if we're going to muck around with statistics, let's try this exercise. 

938 respondents (and that could include multiple responses from any individual with a bee in their bonnet about something or other) divided into the population of Townsville (we'll ignore 'The North' claim) at around 185,000, we come up with a percentage of one half of one per cent. And of that half a per cent, if we take those who rate the transport system poor, we have .25% - that is 'point two-five' - who ain't happy.

'Slammed'? 'Under Fire From Residents'?  

Thus are headlines and stories made in The Bulletin - and there'll be plenty more under that formula over the next few weeks.

Incidentally, there was a very interesting (and uplifting story) about the strong performance of super in the past year in the busines section. Sure, it was 'brought in from down south' but by a respected economic journaist. It was no doubt of interest to thousands of Bulletin readers and was good news in a season when we'd all like to have our feet up, relaxing.  The 'Pie idly wonders why that wasn't considered for the front page of the Saturday flagship - but then, good news is no news down at The Astonisher.

Tick-tock.

There ya go, a one bird whinge fest, and that's enough for 2012.

Finally, the old bird has been hangingv a claw down at Bondi with family. Bentley has a whimsical idea of The 'Pie's surfing prowess, but he envisaged three Magpie generations going for it, dude.

Enough. No Poseurs' this week, it is closed for it's annual hosing-out and fumigation.

Have a great New Year - the old bird certainly intends to.