The Nice Try Chutzpah Award of the week goes to The Daily Astonisher, which has a cunning Baldrick-like plan to counter drastic drops in circulation and readership. Easy, let's just start UPPING the advertising ask.

(Chutzpah is a wonderful Jewish expression which means 'shameless audacity'.)

In fact, it’s been an astonishing week all round.

The Bulletin iditor whistled quietly while gazing around the ceiling , taking an ingenuous ‘who, me”? stance on his own pot-stirring  policy backflip

 … and ace reporter John 'Ando' Andersen sets the record straight – and so does The Magpie.

The jostling for Labor pre-selection for the seat of Townsville is throwing up some interesting possibilities. Are the rumours right about a surprise candidate in the wings, waiting to return to the Labor fold? Right or wrong, The ‘Pie will float the rumours for you anyway (so what’s new?).

The Oscar Pistorius joke mill  has just about run its race, and is now getting somewhat prosthetic … err, sorry, that’s pathetic. But the case does highlight an amazing difference between Australia and South Africa when it comes the niceties of ‘innocent until proven guilty’ – The ‘Pie shows an example which is far from funny.

All that and other bits and pieces in this week’s nest at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au

First, a personal note and apology for being somewhat late, but this has been written in Melbourne, where I have had to come to be with a friend for compassionate reasons. But life goes on.

Now, a bit of housekeeping.

Had a call for John 'Ando' Andersen this week. Ando had not seen the mild kerfuffle that an email commenter stirred up after The ‘Pie had made mildly merry with a recent item in Ando’s column. Ando wasn't aware of the little flurry of comments because he had been out in the scrub, interviewing publicans, cattlemen, publicans, farmers, publicans, struggling small business people, and just for perspective of the battlers, a couple of barmaids.

Ando, with whom The ‘Pie has been on friendly terms for more than 20 years, was quite jovial but insistent that he was not the author of the email which gave The Magpie a free character reading about his many perceived shortcomings.

The published missive was allegedly authored by an ‘Ando’.

Ando (the real one) made the 'golden rule' point that he’s been around long enough in politics and journalism to ignore the inevitable barbs that are occasionally triggered in those arenas.  This would presumably include the initial joking pin-prick from The ‘Pie.

So if Ando says he didn’t write the email, then he didn’t.  He’s very curious to know who did, and so is The Magpie  – c’mon Anonymous, own up. JA is casting a curious eye around the newsroom, to guess who came charging to his defence. 

But Ando, mate, are you on the right track? The missive didn’t have noticeable spelling and grammatical errors in it to have originated down your way – the one factor that fooled The ‘Pie into thinking it was you to start with. But The 'Pie is pleased to know it was some boofhead, rather than a bloke he has always liked and respected.

Staying with matters Astonisher, here’s an interesting little tale of creative ‘issues management’.

A respected and very successful local business bod was interested to read last weekend’s Magpie harrumph about the falling circulation and readership of the Townsville Bulletin. The old bird even had the temerity to suggest that the numbers were so dire that perhaps the paper would have the decency to drop their gouging advertising rates a tad to match the hard times upon which The Astonisher has fallen.

Reading across: weekday 2010-11, weekday 2011-12, Saturday 2010-11 Saturday 2011-12 

Dream on.

Here’s an instructive yarn.

For many years now, the business bod in question had a deal – part promotion, part advertising – where a competition was run where there was a weekly $1000 contribution to a jackpotting prize pool which was matched dollar for dollar by The Bulletin. This worked out at a maximum of $26,000 over a year, 13 grand each.

Not so long ago, our man fronted up for the same deal, now almost a tradition, and not withstanding his already generous contribution to the News Ltd coffers in general advertising. He was a tad – umm, surprised (read: stunned) …  when told that this time around he had to pony up $20,000! He asked why the  paper had upped the 50/50 prize money arrangement, only to be told they hadn’t – that was just the new deal – co-promoter $20,000, The Townsville Bulletin $6000.

A brief conversation with said Astonisher personage ensued, and although it didn’t actually consist of two words involving sex and travel, the message was the same. And it was a only very brief interval before the advertising boss – The ‘Pie is led to believe it was one Sue Willis, by all reports a nice gal and already well liked around town, but she is one to follow riding orders from Sydney – backed down and agreed to the old terms.

The ‘Pie just wonders if all this wasn’t just a clever put-up and put-off job. The 65% hike was so astonishing that the businessman was taken off balance and quickly accepted the offer back as it had stood. Was it just an ambit claim, which by  appearing to back down,  distracted the advertiser from actually asking for a reduction in the going rates, given the plummeting circulation and readership numbers?

Look, this all such good fun, let’s stay with The Astonisher.

Astonisher Iditor Lachlan Heywood

Back in August last year, The Magpie reported on Iditor Lachlan Heywood’s interesting take on the CMC investigating the matter of Mayor Mullet’s slur on her nemesis Ray Burton. When the matter went to the CMC for investigation … and certainly before any outcome … Mr Heywood boldly squeaked in his Year 10 essay known as the editorial that the eventual opinion of the CMC’s gumshoes didn’t matter, Ray Burton should go anyway, because he was picking on the paper’s honorary editor Mayor Mullet. So much for the value of the CMC and due process.

Eventually, the mayor had her bum smacked by the CMC, finding no wrong-doing on behalf of  the CEO. Despite several Mullet-inspired attacks, Mr Burton didn’t leave, is still there and has secured another term.

But in yesterday’s iditorial,  (God knows who or how many different people writes this inconsistent guff but the iditor has to wear it) we were informed that the CMC had told Mayor Mullet and Ray Burton to make a better effort to get along. And, surprisingly, the paper – as, ahem, opinion leader of the community – thoroughly endorsed these sentiments and both should not make the matter so personal.

Now that is hilarious, because when the mayor decided to run the issue publicly in the paper, The Astonisher duly published her blubbing and made it even more difficult for any rapprochement – that’s the $10 word for ‘a resumption of harmonious relations’ -  to end a personal spat that should have been sorted out privately. It certainly was not an issue that a more balanced and mature leader would have purposely pushed in the public limelight. Or one on which a more balanced and mature editor would have taken such lop-sided and divisive stand.

Not so much a divide and conquer strategy, more a divide and sell more papers misconception – an idea that couldn’t have been more wrong if they tried (see the latest round of figures in last week’s blog).

Is the paper getting it's spin advice from the same Einsteins running Julia Gillard's death by a thousand cuts strategy?

Other matters. 

The state seat of Townsville is attracting a certain amount of interest from Labor already, which may have something to do with LNP incumbent John Hathaway’s low key style. Many believe the ex-military man, excellent fellow and all that, is not proving to be a voice for the community. Sam Cox is jumping in with comments and ideas about the CBD, which just happens to be Mr Hathaway’s turf. Sam is also savvy enough to be lasooing other attention-grabbing  issues like law and order and youth crime where a lot of noise can be made without actually doing anything substantial.

That is possibly why Mayor Mullet has started an simpering, eyelashe-batting campaign for possible pre-selection now that the law has been changed, so if she runs and loses, she still - sadly - remains our ego-centric mayor.

The Magpie understands that a certain Scott Stewart who works at Town High has been making more than mutterings about a tilt to carry the ALP’s broken lance into the fight for Townsville. (The ‘Pie reckons ‘Mayor’ is about as far as the Mullet is going to go, and lucky at that).

But far more intriguing is the suggestion that our old mate Councillor Ray Haystack Gartrell is considering  a shot at the seat of Townsville. Two heavy breathers down the MagpieFone both suggested he would perhaps look to join the Labor pre-selection square dance. But that appears to be a doh-see-don't.

Ray staunchly denied the rumour of any plans of that nature to The Magpie, making the point that he certainly wouldn’t be able to run for the ALP or the LNP, where three years continuous membership is generally required, with only the rare exception. But since Ray isn’t a black Northern Territory female Olympic gold medallist, the three-year rule will knock him out. anyway.  Which is maybe a shame in one way - Ray comes from a staunch Labor family – apparently, his Dad didn’t speak to him for a few months when he teamed up with the Townsville First grouping, which was perceived – not entirely correctly – to be LNP in all but name. (The deputy doo-dah would be a Green if anything, but Vern probably isn’t that dopey).

The ‘Pie is told Haystack is a popular figure in local sporting circles, particularly cricket, and gets a bit of exposure on the ABC, usually on Saturday mornings. Ray is well liked generally, despite the occasional strange little hissy fits, like running to The Astonisher when he was asked to share his grace-and-favour office space in the council building with others. 

Fellow councillors suggest ‘Ray wants to be loved by everyone’ – not a good or worthy trait in a budding politician – and has apparently been targeted by the Mullet in a so-far unsuccessful ‘divide and conquer’ strategy.

Katter’s Cut Snake Party? Ray might be a bit of a sporting jock, but ain’t that demented. At least, don’t think so. 

So while The Magpie is wiling to accept Haystack is sincere in his denials of any such plans, it is best to remember the old adage that politicians can’t lie about the future because it hasn’t happened yet. And not surprisingly, pollies believe this bit of outright sophistry.

Speaking of which, a brief look at Canberra, where we may see Bill Shorten bravely take the helm of  of the sinking ALP ship when Joolya jumps ship – did she fall or was she pushed is not a question that needs to be asked. 

But Bill Shorten? Well, yes, Zanetti seems to have the other runner out of that race, and into another.

On the international scene, the Oscar Pistorius joke factory is churning ‘em out like fortune cookies. 

She didn’t know he was sneaking up behind her – it was the Silence of the Limbs.

When Oscar Pistorius said he just wanted to be like able-bodied athletes, who knew he meant O.J Simpson?

And many more, that a caring Magpie will spare you. Well, not entirely, a twisted Bentley is in on the act.

That'll have the coppers stumped!

But the ‘it’s all over red rover’ japes bring us to a rather curious aspect of the South African media coverage of the event.

The matter was quickly, and remains sub judice - ‘under the attention of the courts and not to be discussed elsewhere’. As such, even in South Africa one would hope, the incident cannot generally be reported except for facts of proceedings, what was alleged in court, and bland statements from assorted legal jugheads outside court.

Apparently, at least one paper in SA is under the misapprehension that sub judice is a fruit drink you buy at Subway.

After Pistorius had been charged with murder, one prominent paper ran a story, complete with these step-by-step cartoon drawings of how he killed his girlfriend. 

This rag has saved the country time and money, solving the crime and then explaining it in a series of artists (not very good) illustrations of how the deed was done (apparently), thus: 

Huh?

Interesting journalistic ethics, but even then, accuracy isn’t the paper’s - or the cut and paste artist’s -  strong point. The Pistorius figure has been the beneficiary of a medical miracle and has grown feet - and it must have been a recent miracle, he seems a bit  in danger of a missing a step or two as he heads downstairs. Or is this a subtle hint to the rozzas that they’re onto the wrong suspect and the perp is not only able-bodied … but also – ta da – black?

Newspaper editors around the world have been breaking out the Red Ned and White Infuriator to celebrate that Pistorius has decided to plead not guilty. As they say, this one is going to run and run. 

Shame about the timing, though.

No chance now of a headline ‘And The Oscar Goes To … Jail!’