The House That Cassimatis Built … that ugly, angular jumble on Melton Hill … looks like going on the market again.

And its current owner is said to be in more strife than the early explorers.

A final word on a pack of absolute Bs ... as in bats, Beattie and Bligh …

Those unfortunate acronyms keep piling up …

… and toilet humour – believe it or not, it can be good clean fun, as things always are here in the nest at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au

Man about town Gavin Thompson is the subject of the fevered local rumor mill just now. The ‘Pie who hasn’t had the pleasure, is told that Mr Thompson has been involved in hospitality and entertainment ventures around town for a while now (the Bank Nightclub, Monsoons and the Centenary Hotel in Pimlico), doing well enough to snaffle up the Cassimatis Castle on Melton Hill when the founder of Storm Financial was forced to sell after being revealed as a financial grub. Well actually, it would seem that his partner Amy Tomlinson, daughter of former Astonisher managing director Max Tomlinson, is the owner, but all that's a bit vague. Nevertheless, it seems under the current circumstances, it will be up for grabs again. And, boy, given that connection, it's going to be super interesting how the Townsville Bulletin handles this one, if they touch it at all. 

The house has always been controversial and to The Pie’s eye, a bad-taste, boastful finger to the world from the Cassimatis's, a couple much devoted to conspicuous consumption (often not theirs to consume, apparently). Despite the original garish colours being toned down, the building seems to be a modern take on Gormenghast, the haphazard castle ruled by Titus Groan in Mervyn’s Peake’s magical and brilliant Gormenghast trilogy (recommended reading for some of the best English written in the past century).

Gormenghast Ccastle

But it seems our Gavin may be doing a bit of his own groaning, if the snippets of info filtering down the MagpieFone are on the money. It is suggested that he hasn’t been travelling financially all that well lately, and even the dreaded Big B word has been mentioned.

Gavin Thompson

And then there is the possibly related and murky matter which may become known as the Three Poker Machines Caper. Reports suggest that when he was in charge of the Australian hotel, the three machines were removed, and ended up across town in a different boozarium in the ‘burbs ... funnily enough, the Centenary. The purpose of this alleged chicanery isn’t clear, but it is easy to work out how it would be a scam if there was something shonky about the matter, apart from the possibility of outright theft from the employer at the South Townsville pub. Put simply, it would be easy to keep the money from the three, unregistered machines and do a bit of creative bookkeeping at The Australian to create a nice little (tax-free) earner. That is not to say that Mr Thompson  himself was the purloiner, but you'd be entitled to think he'd notice something as the boss.

Funnily enough, the liquor and gaming people are somewhat humorless (and tight-lipped) when it comes to shenanigans like this, and the state government also takes a dimmish view as well. Funny, that. 

The stories have come from many sources, and The Pie has been unable to get hold of Mr Thompson  for comment, it is almost certain that he will now contact The Pie if all this is a load of old cobblers, for which the old bird will humbly apologise. Indeed, grovel.  Or, on the other hand, Gav may just make a cheery call to offer a free character assessment of your ‘umble correspondent. Or maybe not.

...

Horrible Thought Image of the Week was prompted by this tweeted pic revealed by Crikey.com.

Seems this is the new mayor of Geelong Darryn Lyons, described as a celebrity paparazzo, presumably that's latte-set talk for a photographic pest, and the glama, Elissa Friday is his squeeze. Indeed, she is his intended. And his Girl Friday is wearing a skirt made from the local Murdoch rag the Geelong Advertiser. Court jesters have been having a field day, the best asking that she turn around, he wanted to read the sports section. And you’d bet she has some interesting classifieds on the inside pages.

Then – shudder – it hit The ‘Pie. 

What if this jolly wheeze became a craze for others around the country who don the possum-fur trimmed robes of office. And what if … oh, no, please … our own mayor Mullet decided on a similar pic, but with her – thank God – fully clothed and Anthony Simpleton towering over her in a Borat-style mankini made from pages of the Daily Astonisher? Perish the thought … but … heh, heh, heh … any good photoshoppers out there?

Hastily moving on.

Both you readers may have noticed that The ‘Pie occasionally gets worke up about something (but no more than once a day).

So this small rant has been simmering away for a week or two now. Under the direction of mayor Frank Beveridge, a ‘humane’ campaign was recently started to drive the bats out of Charters Towers centrally-located Lissner Park. 

Yes, those are bats - but just a tiny few of the CT colony.

It was planned to go for a couple of weeks, with choppers, bells, whistles, smoke and possibly speeches by Bob Katter, to get the pissing smelly creatures to hie themselves off hence.

But it all stopped after a couple of days, because the critters had largely buggered off! 

Two days, and no great harm done to the lovely ickle menaces. And at last report, they were for the most part staying away. The pervading smell, noise and bat droppings look like being a thing of the past, and the taxpaying residents have the relief they have so long sought.

Two days!! 

And here's two social engineers and political toadies to the Greenies that  the good burghers of Charlies Trousers can thank for years of misery.

Anna Blight (no, that's not an misspelling).

Former premier Batman

Yet Bligh, and Beattie before her, both cowtowed to Green elements and other noisy uncaring fruit loops like Dr Carole Booth, and used their position to make the last half dozen years or so a living hell for the residents of the Towers. 

So it is extra galling when it took just two days when a new government with different priorities – people before bats - gave the go ahead to move the colony. That's after more than 5000 days of misery imposed by political arseholes who wouldn’t know a bat even if they looked in the mirror. History will judge them both on this, as well as all the other appalling mismanagement and cronyism that has come to light.

Sad to think that Campbell Newman actually looks good next to his predecessors … unless you go as far back as Joh.

Our resident doodler Bentley was a bit of a bodgie (remember bodgies and widgies?) in his younger days, so he can sympathise with that bloke who was fined for stretching a stiff leg while riding his motorcycle on the Logan Motorway. But he has a FU streak in him, does our Bentley, and he can see a whole generation defiantly thumbing their noses at society.

Speaking of FU, you will remember last week’s stuff about the unfortunate acronym for East Gippsland’s Federation University. Well, that nuthin’, folks. Turns out that’s the least of it. 

In Perth, it was a near miss back in the 80s when the uni there was about to be officially called Curtin University of New Technology … but someone tactfully suggested dropping the ‘new’, which they did after working out what silly – umm – Curtain University of New Technology's they’d look otherwise.

Then there is the Prahran Institute’s Students Society, no doubt holding many an Unusual Party.

Even the ABC had to rethink the name of a mini-series about Captain Cook, since this form of television always becomes known acronymically. It’s original title by some twat  was The Wind And The Stars – this was quickly changed to the less poetic but acceptable Captain Cook.

But some places, like Flinders university in SA, not only don’t care, but some student bodies go out of their way to push the undergraduate yukyukkery, as reported by Crikey.com.

"The uni’s cricket club (FUCC) was disappointed that it just missed out on the coveted acronym, but the sports association very quickly came up with the Flinders University Canoe & Kayak Society (very small ampersand used) which solved the problem. The Adelaide City Council had a predictable response when the club wanted to have its own boat shed on the banks of the River Torrens in the city centre, advising that it would only be allowed if the society's name was painted on as 'Flinders University of SA Canoe & Kayak Society'. Spoilsports. I seem to remember that the society decided not to bother with a boathouse."

And the following could only happen in the Northern Territory, the type of political protest you won’t see nowadays. Back in the 80s, the Country Liberal Party lobbied hard for its own university, but federal Labor steadfastly refused on the basis of population. But the CLP went ahead without federal help, and called the place the College University of Northern Territory. It stayed that way for a full 18 months.

This may be apocryphal but as a youth, The ‘Pie was told that the local Country Party member for Tamworth, Bill Chaffey, was getting shirty at a meeting because he was accused of being ‘citified’ and ignoring local needs. Bill is reputed to have thundered ‘I’ll have you know I’m a country member’, to which someone yelled, ‘yeah, we remember.' 

Speaking of such things, seems PM Wingnut is pushing for a new emphasis in political awareness in early childhood learning, insisting on a slightly altered traditional nursery rhyme. He is said to want all young kids to sing

Altogether now one, two ….

‘Tow, tow, tow, their boats,

Even though they scream,

Verily, verily, verily, verily,

Oz is but a dream.’

Some who've made here have found Oz to be a nightmare. Like the pommy cricket team. The ‘Pie hears that Queen Betty is preparing a special welcome home for her flannelled fools when their tour ends after the one-dayers.

Toilet humor isn’t everyone’s cup of pee, but sometimes, it can be good, clean - and clever - fun.

There has long been an often tedious tradition around the world to give fey names to hotel toilets - you know the sort of thing, Guys and Dolls and so on. One that The Magpie well remembers from many years ago was - maybe still is - in the North Sydney Hotel opposite the footy ground. The owners at the time, both dog fanciers, labelled their toilets Pointers and Setters. Neat.  

Someone has collected some of the funnier – even poignant – scrawlings of humorous drunks in the ‘shouses’ of American bars. Here’s a sampling:

Make love, not war, aww hell, do both - GET MARRIED.

If voting could really change anything, it would be illegal.

If pro is opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress – congress!!

Sign above one urinal ‘Express Lane – five beers or less'.

Sign over a womens toilet mirror: ‘You’re too good for him’.

Sign of a men’s toilet mirror: ‘No wonder you always go home alone’.

And one The Pie well knows will cause a sad but knowing 'ain't that the truth' nodding of many a female head:

A woman’s rule of thumb – if it has tyres or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it.’

With that, The ‘Pie will now roll into Poseurs’ Bar, and see if he can talk some lass into being troubled, before he attends the mirror in the gents and reality again sets in (sigh).