The Brisbane Bantam goes bonkers … and on the local scene, Desperate David Moyle takes the bait.

And head-butted: Terry Butts socks it to the pompous poohbahs of Queensland Racing  with a legal  win.

… and The Astonisher gives the ratepayers the finger yet again, - could it be to keep a major national advertiser on side?

Typo Gleeson employed crims as columnists at the Gold Coast Bulletin ... did he know about their drugs and money laundering? 

And what next, we’ve heard of special undies for LBL (ahem,  that would be ... ummm ... Light Bladder Leakage) now some smarty pants has invented farty pants. Fair dinkum. details for the curry and beer crowd.

A beauty from cartoonist Bentley and all sorts of goss from all sorts of places here in the nest at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au

Speaking of giving the finger, a pissed-off Czech sculptor, David Cerny, has come up with a universal comment on the attitude of both politicians and fed-up voters, as that country gets ready to hit the polls.

His silently eloquent piece floats serenely down the River Vltava in Prague, but it would be just at home on Lake Burley Griffin, maybe outside the Bulletin on Flinders Street West, or on the Brisbane River, moored at the closest point to George Street.

It is certainly representative of the Brisbane Bantam’s jaw-dropping performance this week, when he played proctologist to the Queensland judiciary … and to the generally accepted notions of democracy.

Fron suburban conveyancing lawyer to Attorney-General:
Jarrod  Bleijie  

Now, the premier would be expected to support his boy-mannikin attorney-general, the bumbling Jarrod  Bleijie, with his get-tough agenda of boot camps, bikies and throwing away the key for paedophiles.

What no one expected was the most amazing at-a-stroke shredding of centuries of parliamentary democracy, when crucial decisions on some of these laws were summarily taken out of the hands of the independent judiciary and given to a politician - the attorney general. 

So much for the separation of state and judiciary. The most contentious one was the power of a politician – the attorney general, who would get his riding orders from the premier -  to decide if a paedophile should remain behind bars after serving the term handed down by the courts. A sort of colonial version of At Her Majesty's Pleasure.

Not unexpectedly, the legal profession and civil libertarians went thermo-nuclear, but with well reasoned and carefully worded arguments on the issue. And mainly, those arguments were about who would make the decision, not that the law is necessarily wrong.

The premier’s oh-so-reasoned response?  In essence, you’re all a bunch of sooky lalas, soft on crime and punishment.

A budding Der Furhrer?

So this strutting cockalorum of a premier takes to the airwaves with the unprecedented and deeply offensive statement that those who oppose his change to the laws ‘are apologists for paedophiles’.

 WHAT?!?

The dictionary says an apologist is ‘a person who offers an argument in defense of something controversial’. So by any interpretation, Premier Newman is saying judges, or anybody for that matter,  who disagrees with this law supports paedophiles. This is deeply offensive bit of sophistry for many other ordinary Queenslanders, too.

Yet again, resident doodler Bentley gets to the nub of it very neatly – he reckons some of us have seen all this before.

The Ghost of Joh's Past.

Child molestation  is a monstrous crime, anybody in their right mind except the perpetrators would agree with that. But in a democracy, everybody has a right to criticize the law without copping such a baseless insult from the state’s leader.

But now we have the situation that if you don’t agree with this change to the law (and The Magpie doesn’t, for one), then ergo you support paedophilia. Here’s a newsflash, you rude nitwit … the question is not about the permanent incarceration law per se, it is about who makes the decision. – those who are skilled, experienced jurists, independent and unencumbered by political pressures or a populist politician chasing votes. And on that point, Newman’s cocky diatribe included the claim he was just ‘reflecting community wishes’. Well that’s flapdoodle of the first order – to accurately reflect the community sentiment regarding kiddy fiddlers, the law would have to contain favorable references to bolt cutters, car batteries, wet sponges and jumper leads.

Be interesting to see what the High Court has to say, for that is where all this will end up – as it should.

On the national scene, the snurffling in the trough is getting louder and more blatant. Entitlements are the on-going issue, and Wingnut is not looking good on it. 

And there's been  no better comment on  it than that of Crikey.com's very funny political commentator/cartoonist First Dog On The Moon. This effort is just so spot on, The Magpie will take the risk of getting his cloaca clobbered for borrowing it. Last line is a doozy.

Speaking of things coming back to haunt you, this from comments during the week.

'Another from the Uh Oh files.

It seems ex-Astonisher hoofer Cath Webber has the job ahead of her, and workplace bullyboy Peter Typo Gleeson will be nervously looking to his past.

Cath is now the editor of the Gold Coast Bulletin, taking over from Typo Gleeson earlier this year, when he was moved to the Sunday Mail.

As this link indicates, Cath's ethical standards will be put to the test in reporting that Gleeson employed as columnists two blokes now facing up 20 years of a striped suntan for drugs and money laundering. Although known associates of Melbourne heavyweight crim Mick Gatto, the pair seemed to enjoy immunity of the paper's scrutiny for their extracurricular activites being staff members on the paper.

Could our greyhound fancier be facing some difficult questions, possibly from both Holt Street HQ and the wallopers? An explanation of his employment policies woulf be nice.

One to watch.

Other matters.

Great local sport during the week, when the thought-disordered Desperate Dave Moyle ripped up his nighty over a column in the Astonisher by young Anthony Galloway. 

It was easily Mr Galloway’s best effort yet – very Magpie-ish to give the old bird’s most pompous accolade  – very funny , all the more so for commenting on current local themes without naming names. Worth a look, but as a matter of balance, make sure you read the first comment below his column.

And the greatest indicator of success for a columnist is when someone takes the bait and replies. 



And Desperate Dave was in there like a spangled grunter onto a dangled worm. 

Out on unaccompanied day leave?

In a jumbled,  unintentionally hilarious rant, our man said, among other irrelevant ramblings

*’everyone is entitled to an opinion, even an uninformed one’. Well, Dave, feel entitled, if that’s your excuse. But as The Pie quoted last week, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts.

*’ … the Townsville Ratepayers (Association) has been used by his (Galloway’s) paper as an information source or a point of  contact for residents of Townsville’. That says more about the paper than about you and you’re faux self-promoting outfit, Mr Moyle. Wouldn’t boast about, though.

* ‘The only requirement  at our meetings is that every person respects everyone’s right to an opinion on the proviso that it is factually correct, unlike what you have written.’ Gasp, gurgle, wheeze – sorry, The ‘Pie will resume when he composes himself. Ahem, better now, oh, Dave, you are a one. Not to labour the point too much, you lecturing about being factually correct is like Bill Shorten lecturing us about loyalty and morals. And one guesses you missed the point that Mr Galloway’s piece was a spoof which of course (you twit) deliberately did not depend on or contain factual statements.

* …and the final humdinger ‘ Although I have stood for public office on four occasions with relative success’ i.e castrated at the polls every time except for a brief stint on Thuringowa Council ‘I am, like you, entitled to an opinion, but at least my opinion is based on fact, not fiction’. Err, mate, the column WAS BLOODY fiction, me dear old addled-pated, gongoozling chucklehead. You able to dress yourself without someone helping with your buttons, Davey dear?

But enough of this chumminess, here’s a serious question for you and your sox-and-sandals laughable lovables. What is your stand on the Pinnacles project?

The council says it will not be approved because it would end up costing ALL Townsville ratepayers an extra $80 a year. This would surely be a deep concern for you and yours, wouldn’t it?

But alas, it would appear you have fallen in with what some have described as this apparently foul-mouthed, abusive mob of venal Pinnacles self-seekers, the deceptively named Upper Ross something or other – none of the ringleaders live anywhere near Upper Ross. 

The Bulletin's carefully composed PR pic of
Sydney 'property consultant' Jeremy Spinak.

Could it be they have dollar signs dancing before their eyes, courtesy of a hired spiv from Sydney's eastern suburbs, representing the Steggles chook people. This outfit’s development plans have laid an egg with city planners, despite (highly dubious) promises of a you-beaut, $2billion development windfall for the rural landholders.  Serious questions abound for you and your mob, Mr Moyle. Any statement of position?

The draft city plan, which is quietly and circumspectly being examined by residents, does not zone the Pinnacles as residential, in part because of that $80-a-year burden on ratepayers across the city. Now surely you wouldn’t have a bar of that, given all the noble sentiments you’ve been spraying around the place, would you? So we can only conclude that your allegiance to the Pinnacles urgers  - being the Inquisitor General of factual opinion – have discredited the council experts who worked this out. If that is so, one would have to assume you have read the 16 to 20 documents that were studied by a professional team over two or three years to come up with the draft city plan? (Oops, sorry, The Pie is about to laugh again, but of course you have). So can you enlighten the general populace with your in-depth findings?

Or is it that, me old spangled grunter, you taken the bait from the Steggles self-interested southern blow-in, for whom the Townsville Bulletin is acting as PR, complete with cheesy good-guy pics,

and clear boosterism in front page screamers that are the very epitome of that wonderful new word ‘nontroversy’.

And how much does Steggles spend with News Corp?

Meanwhile, the council is just getting on with what we elected them to do … to consult and take submissions from people, even those who are not part of the grasping lunatic fringe - they’re leaving that to the Bulletin.

Anyway, representations to the state government by this mob of potty-mouthed banjo-strummers have been made, and The ‘Pie hears ‘good luck with that’, this government has been honking on so loudly about more power to local government, they are unlikely to intervene. Unless Steggles can get at the pollies the way they’ve apparently got to the Bulletin. (PS Keep a close eye on Ewen Jones on this one.)

Moving on.

As Tommy Cooper said when he used a trouser cuff  as a bookmark, here is a turn-up for the books.

Terry Butts

It has come to light that Townsville journalist and horse trainer Terry Butts has won an important court battle with Racing Queensland. The issue was that Terry wrote an article in a gee-gee magazine, quoting another trainer ripping into RQ  administration about swabbing procedures. The pooh-bahs hauled Buttsy in, found him guilty of prejudicial conduct and handed him a formal reprimand.

Buttsy, as we all know, doesn’t take kindly to what he sees as unjust officialdom (just ask any Townsville copper when he was writing for the Bulletin), and took QR on in the Queensland Civil and Administrative Tribunal (QCAT), and won. The basis of his successful argument was that although he is a licensed horse trainer, he was acting as a professional journalist of decades standing, and therefore should not be penalized. The tribunal agreed.

This was a pretty significant blow to some of the stuffed shirts of the industry. And guess who was his main legal advisor? None other than Bazza The Bagman Taylor, the (now but not then) deputy doo dah of RQ. Read the detailed story here.  

Also noted in passing … reader Martin K  sent in a startled note that the CEO of Jetstar is this agreeable looking lady …

A rose by any other and all that ....,

… who goes by the name of Jayne Hrdlicka. (The Pie checked the spelling on Google). Is  Martin suggesting she’s a binge drinker? What on earth else could he mean? Anyway, Jayne joins the pantheon of names to conjure with. The likes of Drew Peacock and Dwayne Pipe have had their day, but none will ever match this lady, mentioned here before, who is a published Singaporean academic.

She rejoices in the name of Chew Shit Fun. Google it if you are a doubter.

Which brings us to the unrelated matter of those ‘fart pants’.  If your bum burps manage to clear the front bar, or force your dog to make a whimpering exit from the lounge room,  here’s the product for you. 

B

Bet he wouldn't do that with Gina Rinehart.

New undies for men and women (yes, the three wheelers can be less than dainty when it comes to letting one rip) have a specially treated strategic panel that neutralises the smell of growlers, whistlers, burblers and the silent but deadlies.  Details here. Hope Mongrel the Barrister notes this item.  

And a weird but true little yarn from Pommyland, where a scientific mystery of some years has finally been solved. Various species of fish housed in a large scientific aquarium kept inexplicably disappearing. But when the tank was emptied and cleaned, the mystery was solved. This was the culprit …

Eunice to her friends but Wayne to the world.

… a giant fish-eating worm.  You can see the details here, but the best part? It is called a Bobbitt Worm. 

For those of short memory, John Wayne Bobbitt became famous a few years back for having his penis sliced off by is wife, and then having it surgically sewn back on. 

He is rumoured to have gone on to a promotional job for Snap On Tools.