Saturday, November 9, 2013

Aliens and adjectives, numbers and numbskulls … the usual heady mix in the Magpie’s Nest.


Oh, dem numbers. … The Astonisher falls off the readership cliff, and the circulation figs yet to come.
Mayor Mullet takes us for mugs - or else she stripped her mental gears.  
But the touching tale of her unrequited love goes on, as The ‘Pie records the latest chapter in Simpo and The Mullet’s quest for true togetherness.
This week, history throws back one of the great but little known witty quotes of the last century, and a Judge Clive Wall gem has surfaced in The ‘Pie’s papers.
 All here in the nest at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au



A word on photobombing, when someone sneaks into a photo for comic effect, often deflating egos, as KRudd found out too late. Well, pal Hugo from England has found that just about everybody - make that everything - is in on photobombing.




Let’s give clever words prominence this week and leave the local flapdoodle for later.
The quotes dept, we delve back into history for a witty remark on the 30th anniversary of the death of British peer the 8th Earl of Arran. 
Lord Arran was a courageous campaigner on several fronts but history remembers him for his successful efforts to get homosexuality decriminalised in the UK. He wasn’t gay himself, but his 1965 speech in the Lords took great courage, given the climate in the country at the time. His other great passion was to protect badgers in the countryside from senseless slaughter. He explained his two diverse enthusiasms when he told a reporter ‘ One bill was to stop people badgering buggers, the other stop people buggering badgers’. 

Asked why homosexual reform bill passed through the Lords untroubled but his badger legislation had faced strong opposition, he replied ‘Not many badgers in the Lords.’ Remarks worthy of Churchill.
And due to Queen Victoria’s persistent belief that there was no such thing as lesbianism (‘they haven’t got anything to do anything with!’), the law all but ignored homosexual women. In essence, the gals who like to have a look in didn’t get a look in.
Lord Arran and missus: not keen on his dad's legacy.
An unusual footnote is that the 9th Earl who succeeded his father when he died in 1983, has subsequently shown that while not disrespecting his father’s convictions about gay life, he made it clear recently that he thought things had gone too far, when he told the Lords …
The Roman empire fell for three reasons. There was the worship of sporting heroes, widespread corruption and the decadence and flaunting of homosexuality. I fear that in this country we aren’t too far from being decadent.'
Uh, oh, sounds familiar, looks like Oz is already down (or up, if you will) the tubes ... buggered in more ways than one.

Other matters. Honestly, Townsville Bulletin iditor Lachlan Heywood couldn’t find his own arse with a mirror and two hands. And a flashlight.

Yesterday, there was this pathetic perennial idiocy from a smirky bloke taking the willing paper for a UFO ride with a pic of probably a car’s interior light reflecting on the windscreen …..

Indeed, tired old intelligence-insulting stuff, but even more so when the real deal, a genuine shit-your-pants alien was amongst us just four days earlier, the paper was too chicken to call it for what it was ...



They don’t get much more alien than that, but nice timing by Rupert.
The Great Man managed to haul his lip-bruised bum out of Dodge just a few days before the latest disastrous set of readership figures came galloping down the main street for what he called ‘an excellent regional newspaper’. Seems he is practically alone in that generous assessment, according to the latest readership figures. Not that you’ll ever see them in the Townsville Bulletin, that is nowadays left to The Magpie.
The first and third figures are the thousands for last year, the latest are the numbers directly below. 

Townsville Bulletin
64
51
86
74
-


Cairns Post

69

61
109
89
-
-
Gold Coast Bulletin
88
87
124
98
-

Remember these are readership figures (based on an assumption about how many people read each copy the paper ) and usually come out before the audited (papers actually sold) circulation figures are released.
The Townsville Bulletin's Saturday flagship has shed an alarming 12,000 readers in the last year, down to 74,000, and weekdays even worse, down 13,000, from 64,000 to 51,000. These readership figures are harbingers of the audited figures, which are generally more touchy.
Here’s the full list for those interested in such arcane matters; Typo’s weaving his mournful magic at the Sunday Mail, where he has become the first editor under a million copies for many years.

Newspaper Readership Australia

M-F
M-F
Sat
Sat
Sun
Sun

September 2012
September 2013
September 2012
September 2013
September 2012
September 2013
Newspapers
R'ship ('000s)
R'ship ('000s)
R'ship ('000s)
R'ship ('000s)
R'ship ('000s)
R'ship ('000s)
National






The Australian
411
363
784
769
-
-
Aust. Financial Review
229
239
145
148
-
-
NSW






Daily Telegraph
799
763
734
687
-
-
Sydney Morning Herald
629
545
899
784
-
-
Sunday Telegraph
-
-
-
-
1,292
1,198
The Sun-Herald
-
-
-
-
922
779
MX
125
159
-
-
-
-
Newcastle Herald
98
101
146
159
-
-
Illawarra Mercury
47
47
63
59
-
-
Canberra Times
79
74
117
107
78
68
VIC






Herald Sun
1,118
1,059
1,079
1,040
-
-
The Age
587
522
724
698
-
-
Sunday Herald Sun
-
-
-
-
1,140
1,062
The Sunday Age
-
-
-
-
609
554
MX
170
135
-
-
-
-
Geelong Advertiser
57
58
82
85
-
-
QLD






Courier-Mail
509
483
657
602
-
-
The Sunday Mail
-
-
-
-
1,008
905
MX
55
62
-
-
-
-
Cairns Post
69
61
109
89
-
-
Gold Coast Bulletin
88
87
124
98
-
-
Townsville Bulletin
64
51
86
74
-
-
SA






Adelaide Advertiser 
457
413
543
511
-
-
Sunday Mail
-
-
-
-
597
555
WA






West Australian
508
504
-
-
-
-
Weekend West
-
-
725
675
-
-
Sunday Times
-
-
-
-
610
563
Tasmania






The Mercury
97
89
129
117
-
-
The Examiner
71
58
81
77
-
-
The Advocate
47
39
55
48
-
-
Sunday Tasmanian (Tas)
-
-
-
-
108
101
Sunday Examiner
-
-
-
-
75
67
Northern Territory






Northern Territory News
35
41
57
52
-
-
Sunday Territorian 
-
-
-
-
35
36



But in there is a great and deserved success story. In times when even holding steady is hailed as a success, have a look at what can only be described as the spectacular gains by the Newcastle Herald (a Fairfax paper). The Magpie guesses that is all on the back of an award winning campaign of courage and dogged investigative journalism revealing the Catholic Church’s appalling cover-up of child abuse by priests over decades in the Hunter Valley. A real story bringing its own real reward. Three cheers.
And with the circulation figs imminent, here’s an old dodge used by the Gold Coast Bulletin (the Astonisher did it a few years ago, too)

Neat idea - fill both the mind and the body up with junk at the same time. Like the kids would bother. Targeted beautifully for Schoolies Week, it will certainly boost circ figures for editor Cath Webber, who inherited Typo’s disaster and seems to have steadied at least weekday readership.
Now back to the ‘Ville again.
It’s a truism that there’s no use complaining, no bugger wants to know, but The ‘Pie will inform you that he has been confined to his virginal couch for a few days with the ‘flu. He tells you this because it may explain some of the fevered imaginings that he serves up in this week’s cold leftovers.
On Monday, the old bird thought delirium had set in when he read this article (WARNING: THIS LINK CONTAINS IMAGES WHICH SOME READERS MAY FIND DISTURBING - DO NOT LET CHILDREN UNDER 8 VIEW IT) in The Astonisher. In a nutshell, this jaw-dropper contained the Quote of the Week from Mayor Mullet, when it was announced that the council has achieved a surplus of $1.5 million, the first surplus in 13 years.
Sayeth the mayor:
‘I am proud of my role in repairing the city’s finances. It's fantastic for the city to bring in a surplus and I am very happy I am the mayor that brought us back into the black."
Huh? You what?!? Pull the other one, it yodels.
Either her grasp on reality is slipping away or Mayor Mullet takes us all for mugs.
Here is the simple truth.
You may remember that last year, two budgets had to be brought down to the vote. The mayor’s contained the fiscally loopy and unaffordable populist vote catchers of a rates freeze and a water rebate. The conservative majority of councillors put together a different version, which did not include those two measures. It was this one that was adopted, with just the mayor and her Labor off-siders, the goggled-eyed union goof Les Messagebank Walker and Boo Hoo Doyle voting against it. 

Yes, she voted against the budget that laid the foundation for the surplus; if the mayor’s version had been adopted, last week’s announcement would’ve been that there was a $5.5 million deficit.
Both she and reporter Anthony Simpo Templeton knew this, but acting as the mayor’s PR, he made not a single query about this blatant and impudent falsifying of recent history. However, when Deputy Doo Dah Vern Veitch calmly and politely pointed out these facts, his comments suddenly became  ‘a rant’ that 'ripped the unity of the council to pieces'. This follow-up by Simpleton, and this childish iditorial by Lachlan Heywood tried to promote this nontroversy, but it just stirred up more apathy and antipathy towards the Bulletin. The cherry on top was the poster for that day’s paper which boomed ‘Council in Crisis’. Insulting Grade A bullshit by any measure.
And these two cancerous blow-ins wonder why the paper is losing the numbers and has already lost the respect of the community.    
Moving on, or in this case, back.

The Pie was sorting out some old notebooks from his days in court when he came across yet another little pearl from Judge Clive Wall, a judge that even Campbell Newman wouldn’t have the gall to suggest was out of touch. 




Judge Wall continues to hand down tough sentences, often above even that asked for by the prosecution. He also remains the only Queensland judge to exercise his power to fine the parents of errant juveniles which they have failed to at least attempt to adequately supervise. 

But it was his humour from the bench that delighted the great unwashed while prompting a lot of tut-tutting from the bar table. Some years ago, in Townsville, Judge Wall was somewhat peeved that a Burdekin kid had not turned up at the due time for a sentencing hearing for multiple car stealing charges. The kid’s defence barrister (Greg Lynham, if memory serves) asked that his client’s lateness be excused because he had rung in to say he was having car trouble. You knew something was coming when the trademark grin flickered from the bench. ‘What was the matter, couldn’t he find one?’ As P.G Wodehouse would say, collapse of stout party at media desk.
Couple of things on the word front. Did you know that ‘ergon’ is from the Greek for ‘work’? Keep this in mind next time there’s a blackout.
Bentley is somewhat pre-occupied with the double standards and jiggery pokery of the language down in Canberra. Clive Barrage Balloon Palmer will be keeping us entertained with his take on conflict of interest issues (there isn’t any such thing for a parliamentarian, he says). And here we were all thinking it applied mainly to parliamentarians.

Finally, it may have been the ague of the fever, but the following tableau danced before The Magpie's mind - a modern tale for our times.

"As the council meeting was breaking up and councillors and media were filing out, Mayor Jenny Hill snatched at the sleeve of Anthony Simpleton, the Astonisher’s ace revealing reporter. ‘Pop around to our usual place, I’ve got something for you,’ she said in a husky whisper, with a brief bat of an eyelid.

Young Simpleton went bright red, and a vein started to throb – also another one in his temple. His thoughts seemed to be elsewhere as he watched the departing figure of the mayor … she was wearing the best of her five frocks, it was very becoming but she hadn’t worn it for a while, she’d only just found the time to let it out a size or two.
Soon afterwards, Simpo had slipped in to her office through the side door.
‘Have I got a story for you, darl,’ she said, ‘something no else has ever known until now. A little bit of history, sweety, since you’re a bit of a blow-in around here. You have probably guessed that I was responsible for getting the Strand rejuvenated – oh, I know, I know, but I let Tony be the front man for that, he needed a bit of boost after that Shepherdson disaster – nothing like nearly going to jail to put you off your corn flakes. And it must be common knowledge that the cruise ship terminal is down to my behind-the-scenes negotiations, but again, poor old Dave Kippin has been looking a bit desperate lately, what with people wondering why he earns more than me, the mayor, so I let him make the running on that.’
She stepped across the room, leant down to look the seated Simpo in a bloodshot eye. She placed her hand on his shoulder, and he thrilled to faint whiff of garlic and bananas on her breathe.
‘Simpo, you don’t think it’s an accident that the word ‘hill’ is attached to Castle Hill, do you?’
Simpo somewhat reluctantly raised his eyes to meet hers. ‘W…what?’ he stammered.
‘The other day, an indigenous elder called Waddadahel Jdinkijdi who is in regular touch with the spirits – no not the Jim Beam kind, I mean ancestral spirits - popped in to see me. Actually I’ve known her for years, I’ve been paying her dues at the Railway Estate branch of the ALP for years. Her real name is Dulcie Wombat, but as Waddadahel, she has mystical powers.’’
‘Oh, golly,’ breathed Simpo, struggling to keep his eyes above chin level.
‘Here’s the thing. Speaking as Waddadahel, Dulcie revealed to me that long ago in the Dreamworld, I had immense powers, and was the head of the Jhilljmutterubba tribe. We lived in this area, but Waddadahel said I got tired of the flatness of the place, where my people had no real exercise challenge, so I summoned up the Dreamtime serpents to create a monolithic rock. And because the serpents were so impressed with my idea, they decreed that the rock would forever have the name Jhill associated with it.
‘And so it is today, though dem bloody white fellas dropped the fu#kin’ J,’ Waddadahel told me.
The mayor straightened up, a confident grin playing on her girlish features.‘Good story eh? Should make the front page, ya think?’’
‘Absolutely!! But … ummm … do you think people will believe it?’
‘Course they will … if they swallowed that bit last week about me being responsible for the $1.5million surplus – the first in 13 years – they’ll believe anything. Simpo, darl, remember our agreed motto - I say it, you write it and they’ll believe it. Now off you go.’
Simpo trudged back to the Astonisher office, his thoughts filled with whiffs of garlic and bananas and what might have been. Although not a humid day, the paper’s ace revealer was sweating somewhat when he returned to the newsroom, and when someone made a ribald comment about the mayor’s dress that day, he suddenly disappeared into the toilet block.
Where he stayed for an inordinately long time. And when he emerged, it was noted he was sweating even more."


  







 

37 comments:

  1. ewwww, someone get a bucket!

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  2. Can I have my 5 minutes back please.....

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  3. Bahaha love it Pie. Readership figures down? Hell who'd have thunk with headlines likes Saturdays "Hooters on Hold". Some lead story! And I see you weren't at Typo's 50th birthday bash at Surfers last night......seems local snapper Cameron Laird was and has posted his all matesy pic with the birthday boy himself "Surprise gatecrash at Gleeso's 50th" along with one Anthony Douglas from Emanate Legal --Bazza Taylors legal outfit.....such is life.

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  4. I'm not sure if I just read a love or horror story. Some of your best work yet Pie.

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  5. I know something you don't know. A very prominent person is doing an asset check on you. All the legal eagles want a cut of the case. I hope your barrister mate will do a lot of pro bono work for you. Pity his advice seems off the mark

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  6. Geez Pie thanks to the recurring mental pictures of the Mullet and her toyboy Simpo I missed a nights sleep. Bet it would be over before it began for the boy. On a much happier thought do you think your readership is increasing as the Astonisher continues its downward spiral. At least your warblings cover all bases - truthful relevant and also entertaining. The highlight of my weekend. Still enjoy your work Pie.

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  7. Scotch Bingington ;; are you connected with Paul (water man Jacob & David (I've been everywhere ) Moyle) Get a life...have some more Scotch

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  8. Let's hope the stats go lower next time.

    Love your blog pie.

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  9. That clanging sound in the background on the weekend was the penny finally dropping for Astonisher iditor Lachlan Heywood.

    In what could be nothing else but an admission of a campaign defeat and the reality of the paper's now established irrelevance to this community, the iditor penned this mournful missive on Saturday, just dripping with little-boy disappointment at the paper's abject failure to stir up non-existent controversy.

    'All's quiet on City Plan

    EITHER Townsville residents are overwhelmingly supportive of the new draft City Plan or apathetic about having a say on the future of the city.
    With just a fortnight before the official consultation period ends, about 150 submissions have been made on the proposed overhaul of the city's planning document.
    Townsville City Council has done its part, staffing information kiosks across the city and holding half-a-dozen seminars on the changes.
    There has also been more than 100 articles or letters to the editor in the Townsville Bulletin and Townsville Sun newspapers.
    Judging by many of those letters, there is some disquiet about the proposed lifting of height limits along The Strand.
    However, the number of submissions actually received by council would suggest that disquiet is not shared by the majority of residents.'

    Talk about two bob each way!

    Despite all the hysterical tub-thumping and over-egging of the cake, the iditor has finally faced reality with what can be no less than an admission that the paper has bugger all influence on how the majority view their community and the world. Which is exactly how it should be, given the complete absence of either calm fact or rational debate.

    And Lachy, old son, here's a tip: everyone knows the beat-up is on when the paper has to quote people like David Moyle, Paul Jacob and/or lawnmower man Daniel Whipp as authoritive commentators. Comment from the Muppets' would carry more
    weight ... and probably make more sense.

    But the worst is yet to come for the Astonisher. The 'Pie hears another issue that the paper refuses to examine in a sober and balanced way is about to come back to bite it on the bum ... how the Astonisher will grame this shock/horror issue will be interesting to watch. Seems they be about to get their tits caught in the ringer. More on that soon.

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  10. This is just too good to wait for the weekend ... and besides, it'll be launched in Melbourne tomorrow.
    Forget sexting and dirty internet trash talk with pics. The johnny-makers Durex have come up with a corker of an advance in the raunchy stakes... touching each other ... bver the internet. Yeah, really! technically very clever.
    The product has the bonus of one of the cleverest marketing names for a decade ... Fundawear.
    Have a look.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qb7DN3kpl2o

    Maybe we should expect a punching version of feel-internet, so Grumpy and his commenting pals can liven up their free character readings of each other.

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  11. The media in Townsville is shocking and bordering toxic.We've seen the wacky, kooky and clever.

    Funny and enjoyable reading.

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  12. Scotty B – you are soooo full of shit.

    For starters, if a “very prominent person” was doing pre-litigation assets check on the “Pie, why would they tell you? Especially if you are the type of goose to go and put it on the internet for all to see. These things are usually done on the QT in order not to alert the intended defendant and provoke an asset transfer. Thanks for the heads up, you idiot.

    Secondly, defamation actions are rare and very, very expensive. In the vast majority of cases that actually end up in court even a successful plaintiff ends up with a legal bill way over the amount of any award – and that is the case whether or not costs follow the cause.

    Defamation proceedings are almost never issued in the hope of monetary gain. What they do, however, is to put the alleged defamation under the full glare of publicity in an open court. The public will lap up the gleeful blow by blow reporting. It is more often than not that the plaintiff is the one ending up looking like an idiot. Remember Barbara?

    Any lawyer in this town would want a $100K in the tin before initiating proceedings. Think about the “Pie’s usual targets for mirth/scorn/ridicule – any one of those got a lazy hundred grand or so sitting around? Any one of those willing to be subjected to intense scrutiny? I am thinking not

    Unless you are suggesting that there is someone out there who is so pissed off at ol’ Malcom that they are willing to spend $100K+ and risk looking like a moron just for a bit of payback?

    “All the legal eagles want a cut of the case”?? Stuff ‘n Nonsense. I know quite a few who would go to bat for ‘Pie – myself included (nah, nah)

    However, most of us will see this for what it is – a pathetic and juvenile attempt to put the frighteners on. Grow up, you dipsticks.

    I ask again…why did not God make stupidity painful?

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  13. Ouch!!

    To use Mongrel the Barrister's indelicate term - great kick in the slats for incoming House of Reps speaker Bronwyn Bishop.

    Speaking on Melb radio yesterday, former labor speaker Anna Burke said Bronnie would have an easier run than she did, ' ... she'll have it easier (because) she won't have to put up with herself'.

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  14. Looks like Sen Ian (Crackers ) MacDonald is having another worst day of his life . Now under the PM"s rules his wife will no longer be able to work in his office. It may be advisable to keep his mouth shut or he mayl lose his #1 spot on the Qld senate ticket. (Oh yes i did vote for him)

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  15. Oh pie, Jenny Hill pay for ALP membership? Never! However, there is a rumor that a large amount of her own brach had not renewed their membership, or had it paid for them. Was there not some speculation in the news early last year that this was still occuring in Townsville?

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    Replies
    1. Yep, certainly was!

      http://m.theaustralian.com.au/national-affairs/state-politics/alp-faces-claims-of-rigged-ballots/story-e6frgczx-1226198323860

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    2. The Mullet, you play in puddles of poo long enough eventually you will get some on your skirt. The silly thing is the stupid people of Townsville fall for it every time. I voted for Last so I have nothing to fell guilty about. I just sit back and watch the joke unfold which we call out local govenment.

      Delete
  16. Oh Grumpy, you really must have that cup of tea and a good lie down.
    If anyone were to take on the Magpie it would be Bazza Taylor who could do his own work, easily cover any additional costs, and make a name for himself by being the first to mount a successful defamation case against based on an internet blog.
    Oh, and by the way, you really should wash your mouth out with soap again. Using gutter language and insults is a sign of weakness, not strength.
    I'd suggest you chew on a bar of Palmolive Gold.

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    Replies
    1. The lawyer who acts for himself has a fool for a client.

      But then again....

      I am so sorry if I offend you - perhaps you should not be reading my posts.

      I shall continue to read yours - every day deserves a little merriment

      Delete
  17. Of course, all this flapdoodle is all based on the assumption that The Pie has libelled (the written word - slander is verbal) someone. Ironically, it was News Ltd which won a milestone case against NZ PM David Lange that inter alia ruled that people in public life have to accept wider criticism than a private person. In the US, the aggrieved person has to prove malice.

    The definition is in Merriam Webster :

    the act of saying false things in order to make people have a bad opinion of someone or something : the act of defaming someone or something

    In English law, the definition is ' the publication of a statement about a person that tends to lower his reputation in the opinion of right-thinkling members of the community , or make them shun or avoid him.'

    You could almost say that, for instance, Mayor Mullet has libelled herself on matters like claiming credit for the council budget surplus. And it is widely held that there are very few right-thinking people who read this blog (they're generally a bit thin on the ground in this neck of the woods, anyway).

    The Magpie understands that the perpetrator has to know what is said is false - and the old bird can say categorically state he has NEVER published anything he KNEW to be false - he leaves that to Labor's sheltered workshop writers of texts and letters to the editor, who have their fibs unquestioningly published (Real papers have a letters editor to help shape the flow and tone of a public debate, as well as guard against legal problems.)

    And a small legal footnote - The Pie is told companies and corporations cannot be libelled, nor can dead people - the latter would apply to some still-breathing politicians.

    Anyway, Grumpy, Scotch B's amusing unhinged drivel was published just to allow you an opportunity for rhetorical flourish - it's like shooting fish in a barrel, ain't it?

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  18. Sue the Pie, I doubt it would fly(no pun intended) but the Mullet might use her Brisbane brought SS Commodore to leave a couple of nasty skid marks in your driveway.

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  19. Scotty, you must really have been on a binge if you think even a "very prominent person" can screw any money out of the 'Pie. I am still waiting to collect a $5 wager made on a billycart race in Cooktown more than 13 years ago!
    However, in the interests of fairness and to preclude the old bird suing me for blackening his already sooty feathers, I must admit that it was a very convivial weekend and my recollection of events -- apart from yelling "Go home, you Pommy bastards!" when Captain Cook's redcoats rowed ashore-- is somewhat hazy.

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  20. See Grumpy - that Palmolive Gold is good stuff.

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  21. This just about sums it up.
    Margot Saville, Crikey.com political reporter, writing about the country's ruddectomy last night, had this to say.
    Rudd: 'Recent statements since the September election have been particularly hurtful, and the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune have hit home'.
    Saville: It's a good quote, because in Hamlet, the mad Prince of Denmark spent his adult life seeking revenge on all the people around him for real and imagined wrongs.
    Neat.

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  22. And you know what? Can I just say. Bloody hell Rudd is absolutely NO loss to the party, politics or Australia! He was an egomanic - look at meeee and it was all about me, not the party and certainly not about Australia. He did so much damage to Labor and I'm glad to see the back of the scheming, lying bastard. Rant over.

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  23. the mullet doesnt read this blog
    spot of truth in garlic & bananas though

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  24. Parental Guidance Recommendation: The following post does not contain obscene language so as to cause confected offence and sham outrage. It does, however, contain adult themes which may cause confusion to ALP sympathisers.

    Too right about Rudd, Bully Boy – but they are nearly all gone now. Although Julia has slithered out from under her rock and playing to her adoring feminist hairys with her self-serving re-write of history. Bob Carr snuck out the back door with barely an adieu. Rudd behaved like a betrayed Messiah, sobbing tears of self-pity. Watch out for the book… To add some balance, that gruesome woman Sophie Mirabella also will not be missed.

    I did raise the parting glass to that evil creep David Bradbury. Looking like a dodgy suburban solicitor, he oozed mendacity and insincerity. He was being groomed for greater things and the country is damned lucky that he never achieved any real power.

    We are still stuck with the Greens, though. I fell about laughing when they complained about the Senate voting system and how it resulted in minor parties getting members into the Senate – unfair and unrepresentative, they whined. Come again? From a party that has less than 10% of the vote but can hold the country at ransom? From a party whose primary vote dropped by 2% yet got one additional Senator? From a party that has just one member of the house of reps – and a more pious little narcissist you would ever want to meet. (here you should look away, Spotted Wanker) I mean, WTF?

    Watching the door-stops of the Labor members going into Parliament House the other day was also amusing – has anyone told those idiots that that they not only lost the election, but got their arses (oops, sorry Wanks) kicked.

    Gunna be an interesting three years…

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  25. Hang on have we forgotten that back stabbing, arse licking groveler, Bullshit Bill Shorten, the ALP will never make any headway when they have this backroom controlled puppet out front.
    PS Wanker you will not get any apologies from me about my language.

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  26. I notice in the Business page of the T/B Thu Nov 14 Townsville Enterprise held their AGM .(i Was Unable to gain entry although my other half attended) that our favourite little brown noser John Bearne and Jon van Grinsven (Pierre Properties) ...both retired. Elected were Paul Victory G/M Sealink Qld and NT and Peter Honeycombe, the benefactor of generous Council development Concessions which hasn't stopped a rather messy lockout on one of his Developements. IT REALLY IS JOBS FOR THE BOYS (and Jenny HIll) Something really needs to be done so rate payers who contribute over $700000. to this organisation are able to have a say in the way this Organisation is run Next we will have the the Townsville Ratepayers ARSE making waves. Please no....

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    1. Can't go all the way with you there Observer. Traditionally - and unless its been changed recently, boardmembers of TEL do not get paid anything. So they do give their time gratis - their motivations for doing so are for them to know, but they're entitled to the benefit of the doubt..
      The 'Pie will take this opportunity to (sigh)n clarify a couple of things for the developmentally delayed out there.
      His only interest in TEL is a value for ratepayers money issue, the old bird has no interest other than that. And again, the quesion that has to be asked is not only why do they get this money, but also what do they do with it, and how does the council decide it is worthwhile. Neither of these questions are given a public answer to which the ratepayers are entitled. The almost masonic-like secrecy of reports and closed door meetings with the council are blithely if idiotically explained away by false claims of 'commercial in confidence'.
      We are never told anything meaninghful of what they are doing.
      So here is another question, to the mayor (who has someone read this blog for her) or any councillor: what is the reason for not holding TEL to public account in those special quarterly meetings in Walker Street? Commercial in confidence is a transparently ratbag excuse ... members are entitled to know what their money is being used for, and as easily the biggest contributor, the ratepayers of Townsville are 'members' in the truest sense.

      The Magpie's issue with David Kippin is clear: The 'Pie believes the manipulative process of installing The Kipper, when he had given solemn and what others assumed were binding pledges to be Townsville First's mayoral candidate, needed to be aired. Especially since several other well-qualified candidates for the TEL job had been put through the hoops of a lengthy interview process, but The Kipper greased into the job (and left several councillors with the impression they had been used) with the help of John Brearne and couple of other of the TEL hierarchy. Bearne's claim that The Kipper went through the exact same process (in what would have been a fraction of the time) laughable, it is utter and obvious nonesense. And Kippin would not be getting quarter of mill salary if it were not for the ratepayers of Townsville.
      The Kipper and others hope The Pie will get over it and go away, so they can get on with what The Pie believes is a right royal rip-off ... well, fellas, The Magpie won't and isn't.

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  27. Let's be clear Peter Honeycombe and other Board members are not paid for their time. Most TEL directors are from large businesses and are "sponsors" and pay TEL huge "sponsorship" fees - $100,000 plus- a seat on the board is part of the deal. And that's how business works - you pay to influence outcomes and gain market intelligence to further your own business and or interests. But what value council gets for $700,000 is questionable. And Kippen would have KPIs to achieve as set by the Board. You should have TEL's Annual Report and financial statements by now Pie surely.

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  28. Down with developersNovember 21, 2013 at 9:32 AM

    What happened to the discussion on developers. All blogs referring to them have been "removed".
    Please don't tell me the big boys around town have got the Magpie in their back pocket too.
    Shades of the Astonisher.

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    1. Dear chattering chump pf the chimp variety (read Down With Developers). The Pie realises that you have a problem dealing in facts, and here' s proof ... and you've posted this a week late, there's been another posting - with comments from you on it - already up.

      NO BLOGS have been removed from the Magpie's Nest site in the three or so years it has been running. No requests for same have ever been received. Please inform the old bird why you think otherwise .... proof required.

      Where you see that a comment has been removed by the blog administrator (Ihat is, The Pie) in all but two cases it has been The Pie's own comments, because of a cock-up by The Pie himself, usually of a technical nature.

      A number of comments each week never see the light of day, because they are usually either a) just factually wrong and/or b) ad hominen personal attacks with no argument or issue that adds to any discourse started by readers. if someone wants to slag off in a scatalogical spray against The Pie or anyone else, start your own bloody blog. Robust comment addressing the issues which inter alia contain some strong free character readings of others - including The Pie - are usually allowed, if they pass the legal eye. (That's why Grumpy and a couple of others get some leeway).

      The rule stands: don't like it then don't read it.

      Finally, it's a bit rich for you to suggest anything has been taken down ... you have multiple comments published on Nov 19, Nov 16 and Nov 14, all being in the previous two postings.

      But The Pie must apologies for that crack about chattering chump etc - it is obviously mocking the afflicted.

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  29. Down with developersNovember 21, 2013 at 12:06 PM

    Why does the Pie treat bloggers with such distain?. Does he think he is of superior intelligence or just that he is always right?
    Perhaps he should take a look in the mirror and realise that his opinion is no more important that those of others.
    If his practice of denigrating people with alternate views continues the Pie might find his blog goes the same way as the Astonisher's readership.
    Another blogger recently asked if Grumpy was really the Magpie in disguise. Considering the attack-dog approach of the two, there just might be some truth in that.

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    1. You poor mutt, you really are a frusrated mess, aren't you, Down With Developers?

      You send in a (published) comment that suggests the possibility that The 'Pie is 'in the back pocket of developers', i.e dishonest and with ulterior motives ... and that he is inherently dishonest because he posts critical comments under another name (Grumpy is probably thinking of suing!)

      And you talk of denigrating people with alternate views!!

      But when The Pie has the temerity to reply in his own defense - with the truth and a bit of fun - along with an explanation of some of the background and operation of this blog, you suddenly go all girlie, bight your bottom lip, rip up your nighty, wet your pants and then make a fool of yourslf by accusing The 'Pie of exactly what you're doing yourself - treating this individual blogger with disdain (note spelling). Then you propose the mildly deranged idea that because the old bird writes a blog with his own point of view (please look up 'Dept of Blogs, reason for') that he's some sort of egomaniac.

      The Magpie is not an 'attack dog', but it will continue to be Magpie season all year round for ill-reasoned tuggers like you.

      Back to your former domicile, The Bulletin, for you, m'boy ... and man up a bit.

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