It’s been an absolute ‘b…. ’ of a week, what with all the talk being of boobs, bikies, boobs, a Bulletin baffler … boobs, a Bulletin beat-up … and some more on boobs.

 Of course, there have been plenty of ‘boobs’, as in ‘a foolish or stupid person’ involved each and every one of the above subjects.

The country is now successfully and rapidly recovering from it Ruddectomy during the week … a few choice quotes.

The ‘Pie has come across a genuinely thought-provoking idea that could render the undemocratic bikie laws null and void – seriously.

And if we all have a giggle now and then at the Daily Astonisher, this week we were all tittering away at the storm in a D cup about the Hooters Restaurant saga. Bentley has succinct say on that one, some quotes of the week, and a couple of the week’s comments revisited, all here in the nest at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au.

First up, some (hopefully) good news. The gremlins look like they've been defeated, and in the next few days, there will be a special Magpie post where you can see that controversial report on the value of the V8s to Townsville, and the thorough analysis of same by Mike Shearer.  Keep an eye out, subscribers will be notified.

Now onward and ever upward.

If the Newman Government think they’ve really put the frighteners on bikie gangs, that is just another thing they have got gravely wrong in this issue.

For a start, there’s photographic proof that the threat of pink prison overalls is going to intimidate these unsavory  retards, one has a message for the premier which is about as subtle as a grenade in a bowl of porridge.

And on the same subject, here’s something that may wipe the smile of the face of suburban conveyancing lawyer turned attorney-general Jarrrod Bleijie.

 A letter writer to Crikey.com has come up with an interesting question: what if the bikie gangs register themselves as political parties? There’d be enough blokes and blokettes in each club lacking sufficient form to preclude them from such a move, and then they could gather wherever and whenever they liked. Unless of course, the fair-minded Mr Bleijie intends his unlawful association laws to extend to those other criminal groupings in society ... like political parties. If so, make it retrospective, and anyone found still, possessing a Kevin 07 T-shirt should be made pretty in the pink and slotted.

Speaking of such matters, the Ruddectomy has been successfully completed, and the two main victims of this debilitating growth – Australia and the Labor Party – are believed to be recovering  well.

 

Therese Rein and - give me sec, I'll get it  ... Keith, no ..
Kevin, yes, that's it, Kevin ..umm .. Rudd.

Yes, the world's leading ear wax taster is no longer with us in public life, and he, his wife and her $200 million fortune will be winging their way around the world, spending almost as much time overseas as he did when he was in office. And we’re still paying for it, because he’s an ex-PM!

The man whose one irrefutable legacy was his apology to the Stolen Generation, says he would like to set up an Apology Foundation, and he could travel around lecturing. Good idea, Kev, only don’t lecture – apologise for the stolen years you selfishly took away from Australia, and keep apologizing until we’re back on the rails again.

There have been more quotes about this particular departure than there were for the Titantic – there’s an analogy in there somewhere. Some of the most telling were:

Mark Latham

 ‘Quite truthfully, he was a bastard, a vicious egotistical person  … and I think history will be very unkind to him’.

Mark Latham, failed Labor leader and successful head-kicking columnist. Bit of pot and kettle in there.

Mike Carlton

‘The sad truth, and his personal tragedy, is that even Kevin's friends will be relieved he's gone.’

SMH columnist Mike Carlton

Margot Saville

(When Rudd said) ‘Recent statements since the September election have been particularly hurtful, and the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune have hit home' it was a good quote, because in Hamlet, the mad Prince of Denmark spent his adult life seeking revenge on all the people around him for real and imagined wrong.


Margot Saville, Crikey.com political writer

One blogger, Kangaroo Court, went so far as chronicle how Rudd did some behind the scenes fancy footwork to get wife Therese's fledgling business off the ground in 1991/92, when he was head of cabinet in the Goss Government. The ‘Roo thought the manipulation of government contracts and later sway in Canberra was bad enough to characterize the Rudds as the ‘Obeid family’ of the Commonwealth Government. Bit of a stretch, maybe, but with this bloke, who knows?

As one person was taking his leave, another was taking her chair. 

Trick or treat, members?

The Halloween-faced Bronnie Bishop is now the Speaker in the House of Reps. She was welcomed with a backhander from her predecessor. Former labor speaker Anna Burke said Bronnie would have an easier run than she did, ' ... because she won't have to put up with herself'.’ Mark Latham couldn’t have said it better.

But now, like Kevin, zipping on …

The Media Boo Boo of the Week does not, for a change, go to the Daily Astonisher, but to the most unlikely candidate you can imagine – the Weekend Australian Financial Review. The highly respected paper, one of the few to be actually gaining circulation and readership, talks about – there’s a hint in the title – finance, business and ergo, about numbers, dollars, gains and losses.

So quite a few people were bemused with this gaffe in a promotional marketing drive for this august publication.

Unless they've increased the number of weeks in the year, The 'Pie figures that should be not $69 but $41.60. And the non-specific 'less than' is very un-AFR and magnifies the mistake.

On the local scene, the Astonisher is having it’s moments. It even presented us with a little mystery this week in it promotional posters newsagents hang out side their stores. We can usually recognize the trademark hyperbole, like the recent nonsensical Council In Crisis, because Deputy Doo Dah Vern Veitch had quietly pointed out that the mayor’s claim of responsibility for the budget surplus was demonstrably untrue. 

But that was more than a week before this one on last Wednesday or so.

We plunge into unanswerable conjecture at this one.

Not only was the spurious ‘blast’ charge beat-up a week previously, but look down the bottom. 
Grandma? Bloody Grandma? 

As the tiresome yoof of today have taught us to initialize, WTF? And don’t look at The ‘Pie, he hasn’t a clue – just like whomsoever was responsible didn't have a clue. Or a care. It really is becoming a running joke. The irony is that they forgot something - on Remembrance Day, 

Trying for a clever segue into the next subject, here’s a bouncy joke. 

Acronym or virgin goddess?

The Pie has never established if it is true, but since his spotty childhood, the bird has believed that the Australia brassiere manufacturer HESTIA derived its name from the informal in-house slogan, Holds Every Size Tit In Australia. (A chum who went to private school said she and her mates maintained that Egypt stood for Ever Get Your Pussy Tickled, but that's a different matter.)

But Hestia brings us to the Hooter’s saga (see, clever eh?). 

The American-based chain wants to open a franchise in Cannon Park, which was gleefully reported by the Astonisher, the glee deriving from the fact it was a perfect excuse for some tit and bum pics. OK, par for the course.

Then some locals - 400 of them - come along, possibly misled by the paper’s reports of waitresses dressed like they were, hmmm, let’s see, in a tropical city and walking down the street. More glee at the paper, because that protest offered the excuse of the hur-hur-hur yuk-yukkery headline on this front page ….

Holding tits, geddit geddit, snurffle, wheeze? And suitable pics of the hooters that are on hold on the inside story.

Bentley takes a dim view of the wowsers, and thinks it's a whole crock. As usual, he's not wrong.

Then, during the week, this story (those gals again) …

… but it had this opening line.

‘A petition to bring Hooters to Topwnsville has gained almost 400 signatures as residents rally against the public outcry over its development.’

Only the petition urging that Hooters be allowed to go ahead had nothing much to with local residents – is was started by, as the paper put it, 'former Townsville resident Darrell Morris'. 

Now, although the  Astonisher didn’t say so, Mr Morris is, at last report, a suspended public servant who lives in Canberra. He was raised, schooled and ‘JCU’d’ here in Townsville but hasn’t lived here for seven or eight years. And many of the ‘300 signatures’ his on-line petition attracted are apparently from people who don’t live here, either. Not residents. But the Bulletin didn’t bother mentioning that, they just (gleefully) reprinted the girlie pic and rabbited on about the vague arguments for and against. Despite an interview on ABC radio, Mr Morris wasn’t able to coherently explain what his interest was in Hooters coming to Townsville - 'great business for his home town' and 'create hundreds of jobs' (huh?) - , but he’d been mightily miffed by The Magpie’s on-air comment that he could possibly be a spin doctor for Hooters.

Well, he’s not that, but seems to have a lot of time on his hands. 

A search of the web revealed that Mr Morris, a Commonwealth public servant, was suspended recently after a protracted campaign complaining that he was being bullied and passed over for what he believes were deserved promotions and overseas postings in DFAT, all because he identifies as a Liberal supporter. To some, he is a whistleblower with a legitimate complaint and has been victimised, while to senior bureaucrats, he’s an obsessed stirrer and a pain in the arse. It’s an interesting yarn in itself (see a background report here from a conservative online publication).

The Magpie makes no judgment on this issue one way or the other, but believes the background of an out-of-towner with a propensity for activism who wants to urge a certain course of action onto this community is relevant and reportable.

Two more aspects of this matter. There wouldn’t be much of this fuss if it were not for the sensationalist, adjective-ridden beat-up of the story in the first place, and the visual emphasis on the girls in their uniforms.

And the Magpie is no fence sitter on this. 

The Hooters’s restaurant model has been distorted into something one would expect to find in Via Vomitorium, which is nonsense. The irony is that the paper must take some responsibility for whipping up a false image bound to encourage faux indignant outrage i'mothers, hide the kiddies' eyes'), but Hooters is no big deal, no den of sex ,vice and lewd carry on of the ‘cold beer and hot chicks’ variety. For the best summation of The Pie’s view, read these excellent observations with which he totally agrees by (sorry, girls, here comes the kiss of death) Shari Tagliabue and Jessica Johnson in today’s Astonisher.

Now here is something titillating, as mentioned in the comments during the week. Johnny-makers Durex launched a new line of specially wired underwear which allow couples to – ahem – touch each other up while talking on the internet. Very clever, and has one of the best marketing brand names in Fundawear. Check it out here.

Now that is a hoot.