The numbers keep sinking for the The Daily Astonisher – and did Captain Snooze slumber on when Labor’s Herbert hopeful Cathy O’Toole made her first mini-gaffe of the current campaign? He is her campaign manager after all.

It was a slip-up allowed the Townsville Bulletin to continue to ignore media ethics and do the big media no-no - break an embargo, which did not amuse a visiting pollie or other media.

Conspiracy Theory, Dept of: Why some are betting PM KRudd will hold off for a few more days - maybe about mid-week -  before naming the date for his own execution – there are those who believe there’s a lucrative backroom rort behind the delay ... 

And Telling Pix Dept of:  there is a picture worth those proverbial thousand words of one of the most prescient political commentators of this campaign …. and a WORLD EXCLUSIVE ... hitherto unseen photographs from KRudd, The Early Years. 

It seems mangled language – Manglish – is a required talent for those who have signed up to Katter’s Cut Snake Party – even the ‘celebritiy candidates’ … there was one thigh-slapper Bob himself would have been proud of ….

Cairns’ new $4.2billion mega resort and casino a major step closer, and The Pie is alarmed at one possible but undeclared effect on the ‘Ville ….

Plus all the usual fun of the fair, with the week’s silliness, quotes of the week – which includes a ‘what the hell were you thinking moment’ for Townsville state member John Hathaway - and Bentley’s usual skewed view on life, all here in the nest at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au

With KRudd copping so much flak over just about everything, this photograph has to get top billing this week … nothing more to say really.

Trained by Joolya?

But did you know PM KRudd has known many of his parliamentary friends and foes from infancy? Proof positive fell into the nest when this pic landed  during the week.

 

Had the same hairstyle all his life.

From Left: Bill Shorten in the not unfamiliar position of relaxing in Nicola Roxon's lap, Julia Gillard

having her lollies snatched by Kid KRudd, watched by Penny Wong, who was deciding even then she didn't like boys.

And Bentley was startled by the announcement that drags on fags will shortly become only for the wealthy, most of whom are too smart to smoke anyway. For our doodler, the choice is stark.

More on KRudd and election timing a bit later, but now onto other matters.

Now here's a rare event but The ‘Pie apologises if some of you have seen bits and pieces of the following – some were posted as comments during the week, and those of you who subscribe to the (free) blog automatically get all posted comments as they are published.  Unfortunately, many Saturday/Sunday readers don’t subscribe (don’t know why not, it’s free with no strings, makes it easy to enter the commentary fray) so please bear with the old bird as he regurgitates some of the best of the week.

The Quote of the Week didn’t strictly fall within the week, but that was when it was revealed, it immediately won the Ewen Jones Golden Gob Award.

Townsville MP John Hathaway

'I love it when we have the V8s in Townsville, and then we have the Chamber Music Festival, both attract people with fat wallets - and then we can (rubbing his hands together) fleece them.'


Member for Townsville John Hathaway, stunning the audience into a groaning silence with this clunking attempt at comedy at the recent Chefs of the North dinner at Jupiters. Nice bloke and all that but his misplaced remarks tend to confirm The ‘Pie’s long-held theory that serving and ex-military folk should steer well clear of attempts at comedy at all times. But The 'Pie does idly wonder if that Shylock motel owner who jacked up his prices more than 300% during the V8s was in the audience ... if he was, he probably didn't think it was humour, just fact.

Having a few problems with lyrics?

"There has been very little response from the populace of PNG to find out how they feel about being the suppository for the world's homeless population."

Katter’s Cut Snake Party senate candidate and sometime warbler James Blundell, quoted in the Brisbane Times. Mr Blundell may or may not have actually meant that PNG is about to cop it up the arse with this disgraceful and dodgy refugee deal - about which he would be right. Or did he mean repository?

Who trod on me tail, oi, gaffer?

‘Woof Woof’

The Old Trafford Third Umpire’s seeing-eye dog (name: Magoo) – Magoo assists his master by making the call on reviewing the video – it’s obvious his master doesn’t – and one ‘woof’ means ‘not out’ and ‘woof woof’ means ‘out’ – Magoo initially gave a single woof, then somebody trod on his tail, causing a second bark and Usman Khawaja was on his way back to the sheds. Well, that’s the only plausible and possible reason The Magpie can think of to justify the Worst Umpiring Blunder of the Century (this century and last one).

'He hasn't got a plate in his head, he's got the whole bloody dinner service'.

An unfriendly professional colleague's comment about an eccentric and unpleasant acquaintance  who has a surgical plate in his skull. Same could be said of Old Trafford’s third umpire.

Alf 'Nothing's My Fault' Lacey.

"I thought those days were over ... (but) that's always going to be the case with a lot of our issues - the 'white is right' mentality. It's disappointing to say that. It kills self-determination and economic prosperity in Aboriginal people. The issue goes beyond alcohol and is about indigenous people determining their own future.’

Self-confessed booze smuggler and Palm Island mayor Alf Lacey disgracefully pulling the race card to avoid doing the honorable thing and resigning from office after being found guilty of smuggling illegal liquor onto the island against his own council’s regulations. Why would redneck racist grubs around here (and there's plenty of them) need poisoned flour when they’ve got this bloke barracking for indigenous self-extermination through booze and the attendant violence and terminal illness. And it’s all whitey’s fault, eh, Alf? What a leader. Hang your head in shame, Lacey, you are a disgrace. And a dope.

Free marketeer Tony Fung.

‘I ask for no favours or financial input from the Queensland Government  … I only seek investment certainty from an approval process.’

Hong Kong developer Tony Fung’s refreshingly novel attitude to free market investment when commenting on the Newman Government’s decision to fast track the approval process for his $4.2billion hotel and casino development at Yorkey’s Knob near Cairns.

And therein lies fertile ground for conjecture of possible effects on Townsville.

When the approval was announced, The Magpie posted this comment.

Uh, Oh, the Townsville Whine's brigade will be peeping out shyly from under their rocks, blinking in the blinding light of the news from up north, and Dudley Do-Nothing boss David The Kipper Kippin will be green around the gills .... Cairns is to get a mega-resort /(second) casino project. 

Chinese developer Tony Fung's $4.2 billion Aquis Great Barrier Reef Resort last night was given Queensland Government approval to allow it to get all the red tape fast-tracked if all requirements are met.

Handsome looking beast, it is too - have a squizz for yourself 

http://www.cairns.com.au/article/2013/08/02/246086_local-news.html


BUT why pray tell The 'Pie hears you asking, would that upset Townsville, the centre of North Queensland influence (according to a well known paper)? 



Because this project includes a 25,000 seat sports stadium, that's why.

This could be part of the Cairns push for an AFL team up this way - good luck with that - but The 'Pie will let the local whiners work out where that could lead if the northerners' beady eye is actually on an oft-mentioned wish to share the Cowboys, given that such a stadium component would not have been included without some backroom engineering about how to fill it. The Yorkeys Knob Throttlers v the Gordonvale Galoots won't do the trick, nor will a ukelele festival.



What's more, one of Queensland's largest aquariums is included.



Memo David Kippin: (if you can tear yourself away from polishing up your golden begging bowl before heading down - unprepared - to Canberra - to ask for handout for a super stadium) - Mr Fung brings a refreshing and original idea to all this, although the concept might be a bit hard for you to grasp.

The Hong Kong-based developer said 'I ask no favours or financial input from the Queensland Government for its support of this project. I only seek investment certainty from an approval process.' 

Startling stuff, eh, Dave?  Have you and your lot found any time out from trying to wheedle money out of the public purse to approach international movers and shakers like Mr Fung? Any truth in the rumour that it was so cold the other morning, you were seen with your hands in your own pockets?


Moving on.

Even the election date could be part of a rort on the taxpayer, if this theory from a seasoned Canberra gnome holds any water. 

And why wouldn't this man be smiling?
The only squeaky thing about Albo is his voice.

'And you think Matty Bowen is a slippery customer -
he's got nothing on me. Put the money here, Kevvy.'

This comment landed in the nest mid-week.

Has it ever occurred to you that Rudd has been ‘stonewalling’ over the naming of an election date to enable promoted back benchers such as Albanese (DPM), Bowen (Treasurer), Bird et al to qualify for a higher pension and associated perks in their new ministerial appointments? When I worked in Canberra many years ago prior to retirement, the ‘rule of thumb’ used to be that, in order to qualify for payment at the higher rate, one had to be acting in that capacity for six consecutive weeks. If the ‘rule’ continues to be in vogue today – and, I’m no longer in a position to ascertain whether it remains extant or not - I suggest that government pollies transitioning from back to front bench will not qualify for a greater pension and associated perks until, at least, each has served in their new capacity for six consecutive weeks or longer.  The math tells me Albanese, Bowen, Bird et al will not qualify at the higher rate until, about, 7 August  13, which will be roughly six weeks since Rudd knifed Gillard to reclaim the prime ministership. If I’m right, Rudd will make the short trip to Yarralumla on or shortly after 7 August 13. Of course, it has dawned on me that I may be totally off tangent, and Rudd will go to Yarralumla before the 7th. But, when loyal ALP soldiers and acolytes such as Albanese are quoted today as saying today Rudd was in “no rush…” to take the short trip to Yarralumla any time soon, the ‘political tea leaves’ tell me he will stall the announcement of an election date until Albanese, Bowen, Bird et al can ‘walk’ can fully qualify for a ‘nice little earner’, should Labor be unwanted after the 2013 polls results are known. I imagine you’re wondering why Rudd’s visit to Yarralumla is becoming is important. The answer is fairly obvious. Aside to voter impatience, currently, Business is in a state of flux and uncertainty will continue to haunt them.

Whenever that date is, Labor’s Herbert candidate Cathy O’Toole will have to be alert to certain political nuts and bolts realities.

Cathy O'Toole

Her campaign manager (and brother-in-law) Mike Capt Snooze’ Reynolds must have been on the back verandah on his La-Z-Boy in an Iced VoVo-induced nanna nap when Ms O’Toole tip-toed to the fax machine late on Thursday afternoon and sent out a media release, giving all the details of what Senator David Seeney, a minder of KRudd's bows and arrows (parliamentary defence secretary), travelled to Townsville to announce the following morning.

One assumes when Snooze snurffled himself awake and when he had seen what had happened, this brief missive – formally declaring the information embargoed – followed two hours later just before 8pm.

I wish to clarify that the press release that I sent to you earlier this evening is actually a press release for tomorrow Friday 2nd August 2013.Unfortunately the date of the press release was inadvertently omitted Thanks Cathy O'Toole Labor Candidate Herbert.

It was a hasty and proper make-good, so there was plenty of time for everybody to hold their horses, and let the good Senator make the announcement the next day … something he’d travelled a long way to do. It's a time honoured game.

But notions of propriety and following age-old unwritten rules about respecting embargoes of material given in good faith are a constant source of chortling 'aww, yeah, right' banter and jokes in the Astonisher’s office. So the paper trumpeted the good senator’s news to the world before he’d even arrived at the site to say in effect what a good bloke he was, asbestos was bad and Kevvy was your man. Mayor Mullet no doubt felt aggrieved at having some of the reflected glory pulled from before her very eyes, and The Pie is told that other media were muttering furiously among themselves.

Well, Senator Feeney, you can take heart that those who read your words before you uttered them are an increasingly small band. The latest Roy Morgan readership figures have caused a lot of damage to bitten bottom lips as well as bottom lines, making grim reading for the bean counters. The bad news for The Astonisher (and the good news for advertisers if the paper is forced to cut its rate hahahahaha, yeah, as if) is the flagship Saturday (or weekend edition as they hopefully call it) has plummeted more than 17%, down from 97,000 to 80,000 in the year to Match, 2013. Weekdays started from a much lower base and have come off 2000 readers Monday to Friday, down from 64,000 to 62,000.

As you can see, it’s not good news anywhere, unfortunately, with the numbers signaling some dire circulation drops in the next round of official audit. Even Typo’s new plaything, the Sunday Mail, will severely test his delusional self-image of News Ltd wunderkind.

And it'd be good if The Astonisher showed a bit more care on its website if they want to insist on forever running this story about poppets in pot holes, it would be nice if they ran it through spell check first.

The 'residnets' probably feel like writing the paper themselves.

But one suspects there’s more word salad where that came from.

Speaking of mixed up messages, here’s a road sign from Africa.

Someone failed biology.

And just to keep it light’n’bright, The ‘Pie loves this little item sent in by a reader – reminded him of jokester mate Doc Doran who became a bit restive once while wandering the aisles of BiLo with The 'Pie. He kept chucking things - especially - ahem - ladies thingos - into the trolley when the beady eye was averted -  fellas, might want to show it to the missus or the squeeze when she tries to drag you along on one of those oh-so-bloody-fascinating shopping trips.

Finally, to end on a musical note (oh, groan). Here's a triffic little video - very clever - made by the Queensland Symphony Orchestra to mark their move into a swisho new home in Brisbane. Shame the little snot they brought in for the cuteness factor can't drum for sh-t. All done to Ravel's Bolero.

And with that, it is away to Poseurs' Bar, where as ever The 'Pie will hope his evening will be one of musical mateship, too, and of course, ending like Bolero, in a loud climax.