Saturday, January 28, 2012

David 'Lucky Starr' Moyle to take on The Kid in Mundingburra, could Jeff Jimmieson become Townsville mayor (yes) and other political disasters.

Would you bloody believe it … all-party clown David  ‘I’ve Been Everywhere’ Moyle is at it yet again … he’s now the candidate for Katter’s Cut Snake Party in the seat of Mundingburra.

More shortly on that goofy saga, which is just part of this week’s grab bag which is worthy of Ripley’s Believe It Or Not … like ….

Good God, it could actually happen … Jeff Jimmieson REALLY  could become Townsville mayor!!!  By default!!  And Jenny The Talking Mullet Hill could lose … on her OWN preferences!!  True!! (Err, you’ve just run out of exclam marks, ‘Pie … readers, insert for self from now on. The Ed)

On the state scene, talk about a Blight on the landscape - it’s becoming a Labor tradition; a final  finger to local government and ratepayers from our outgoing premier.

We also try to analyse a  truly weird cock-up from the Astonisher.

Also, on Julia’s kerfuffle and one-shoe shuffle in Canberra, resident doodler Bentley weighs in with an hilarious new twist to one of the oldest and best of Aussie jokes … it’s all here in the nest this week at

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Campbell Newman gives himself a savage demotion, more porkies about pokies, and it is –seriously – testicle-tickling time in North Queensland. Not kiddin’, folks.

Yup, right now it’s the annual jiggling of the jewels right across the north of the country, and The Magpie knows it for a fact – he heard it on the ABC.


No, no, it's not The Ogre's dearest wish come true, but STOP PRESS is a bit outdated. 
Just in, this very minute (11.50-am) from a southern spy, who insists the evidence is now there that Anna Blight will call an election on Tuesday. He is convinced of this after learning that in the past 48 hours, the ALP has deposited with Australia Post a huge mailout of attack material slamming Campbell Newman. The mailout is confined to Ashgrove, the seat Newman must win if he is to become premier. Our spy says this sort of material is never released far ahead of an election for fear of leaks. So given the minimum time allowed for a state campaign is 26 days, The 'Pie's spy reckons you can back in the poll taking place on either February 25 or March 3, still staying suitably clear of the fixed March 31 for the local government elections. ends. 

Also, we’re deep into the  annual awards season, with the Golden Globes just handed out and the Oscars coming up, so The Magpie thinks it appropriate to start giving out some gongs of his own.

The Andrew Wilkie Leaky Punch Bowl for the Chicken Little The Sky Is Falling Award goes to Clint Williams , manager of the Cowboys Leagues Club – he also gets the  Wayne Swan Madkap Mathematics Silver Swizzle Stick.
Mr Wilkie himself gets the self-explanatory Dick Slammed In Door Bronzed Willy Splints, The Moaning Mullet takes out the Pink Pigs Cleared For Takeoff  Plate and Vase,  and even The ‘Pie’s most avid reader and old chum, Michael  ‘The Ogre of Ogden Street’ Wilkins garners the News Ltd Stiff Upper Lip Engraved Pen and Pencil Set.

All the details here in this week’s nest at

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Has Typo Gleeson returned to The Astonisher and is working in the paper’s bean counter’s back office? Seems so. And the dos and don’ts, the cans and can’ts of bumper sticker campaigning.

The Spanish have a saying ‘Don’t speak unless you can improve on the silence’.

Well, folks, it’s time to move to Spain, the cacophony of a Queensland election is about to descend upon us; the Cackling Crap-O-Meter will be off the scale for the next few weeks.  

The Magpie reckons there will be little in deliberate humour to be had as the mud merrily sails hither and yon, but he has found one little gem for you as the campaign kicks off.

Humour also hides itself in the most unexpected of places before leaping out at you and yanking open its gabardine overcoat to give you a full frontal chortle. So this week, The ‘Pie was really caught off-guard when he was rollicked by none other than the Daily Astonisher aka the Townsville Bulletin. And not just in their news pages.

All that and other drivel, right here in the nest at

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Horses for courses - looking at the political races this year from a punter's point of view.

First up, the best one liner out of the ABC's cricket commentary this week: What do you call an Indian cricketer with 100 against his name? Answer: a bowler. 

But a smug Aussie Magpie digresses.

As he contemplates the year ahead, The 'Pie has been much occupied by a particular proverb - if wishes were horses, then beggars would ride. 

This ageless observation, succinctly summing up desire versus reality, is very relevant in 2012 as we enter a year which will see two if not three elections at all three levels of government.

And the old bird will use it to flog his own favourite nag named Overdone Metaphor, as he surveys the political landscape ... and resident doodler Bentley is back from hols, with his own unique take things, all here in this week's nest at