Saturday, October 13, 2012

Looks like TEL’s Daddy Warbucks Kippin will now have to sing for his supper at the council, but it seems it will be a private recital, not open to the great unwashed (that’s us, folks). Is Messagebank Walker showing early signs of preening for higher office? - and when journo’s fight, the outcome is vicious … side-splittingly hilarious but vicious.

Yep, The Magpie has unearthed a classic rip’n’tear effort sparked by the sexist hoopla in Canberra.

On that matter, Joolya goes from politics before principle to principle before politics to in a matter of minutes … and why an amused Prince Willy grinned and tittered.

All this and, unfortunately, more, all in this week’s nest at
 First, the inconsequential.

The ‘Pie  took pause last Tuesday when he heard of a yacht missing off the Queensland coast. It was called the Terra Firma, which really, isn't that asking for trouble. Perhaps it was named for an inept navigator and the air/sea search was in the wrong place – maybe there should be a check if it’s circumnavigating  Ayers Rock.

Speaking of out of place, here’s something The ‘Pie overlooked last week – a beaut little whoopsy from The Orstralian.
Those pocketed hands don't help.

This no doubt came as a surprise to the Mrs Sinodinos and Briggs, and no doubt caused tabloid editors' to ask 'how did we miss this'?

Then there was the magic moment for Prince Willy on his South Seas jaunt – given that he believes in For My Eyes Only topless bathing with his missus, he obviously likes a close-up inspection for comparison – a touch of tropical norkelling, you might say. 

'By gosh, Katy Kat, these are almost as spiffing as Pippa's!'
Doubt if this photographer will end up facing a non-publication order in a French court. 

On the matter of bits that are regarded as private, news from pommyland of a new DIY test for obesity. This one’s for blokes only – the report says experts reckon if you can’t see your penis when standing upright (that is presumably you, not your old fella) then you're fat, and prone to all sorts of ailments, including embarrassment and sick jokes. 

But The Magpie takes issue on several aspects of this assertion. 

Where's Willy? This bloke obviously doesn't know.
The report does not take into account vital factors, like for instance, where you live. This must surely be a factor – a bloke living in Siberia would be at a distinct disadvantage of suffering ‘chilly willy syndrome’ against someone living in the tropics. And the role of gravity is not taken into account – you might, as the yanks say, have a magnificent Johnson, but when not otherwise employed, it is probably staring resolutely down at your ankles, and not providing much evidence of its presence from topside. Then there is the crucial question of … ummm … mood and setting. The very portly Mongrel the Barrister reckons he’s only half fat, because, given the right circumstances ‘I can only see half of it hur hur hur’. Although The Magpie generally seeks to report only facts, he will let Mongrel’s claim stand on it own. Anyway, if you want depress yourself blokes, read about it here.

And still in the anatomically doubtful world, here’s a quote, not used at the time, from The Astonisher’s state election coverage. The ‘Pie had filed it away, and it’s too good not to be recorded.

The Astonisher was spruiking up local sparky and Labor candidate for Mundingburra Mark Harrison, who was always going to be an also-ran against Kid Crisafulli. But he wasn’t going down without a fight, according to The Bulletin which curiously reported ‘The largely unknown Mark Harrison, who is replacing the retiring Lindy Nelson-Carr to contest Mundingburra, was busy hammering signs around the seat to ensure his face would be imprinted on the minds of voters’. 
On current matters political, the week gave us the cheery spectacle of our Prime Minister setting a new benchmark for political expediency and double standards. The ‘Pie wonders if Ms Gillard carries around a portable 'corner', which she throws up and promptly backs herself  into when a tricky situation arises. Because it is now widely agreed that when in a corner, she is at her fighting best.

She voted to keep that repulsive Peter Slipper in the speaker’s chair for blatant political reasons, (even Slippery Pete knew the game was up and resigned anyway) but in so doing, had to de facto endorse his grubby texted sexist references to women. Then she launched into an eloquent and spell-binding attack on Wingnut Abbot in one of the best hard-hitting and uncompromising – but hypocritical – anti-misogynist speeches heard in Parliament for years. Most of the gals in the professional feminist claque chose to turn a blind eye to the double-dealing aspect of the matter, and made hay – well, chaff really - while the sun was shining for them.

Bentley is fed up, too, and wouldn't feed any of 'em, pollies and media alike.

All that will roil on for a while until the Canberra media groom up the next cause du jour, but the best sidelight action in this subject came from a blogger who took exception to SMH senior reporter and columnist Paul Sheehan.  There are many – the ‘Pie among them - who believe the once respected Sheehan is rapidly sinking into old codgerdom irrelevancy verging on outright crackpottery. This notion isn’t dispelled by his recent, almost incoherent ramblings including the  Jones ‘died of shame’ stuff and the charges of women hating filling the air. Now a warning  - this link contains some rugged language that may set the Wedgewood rose-pattern porcelain of Earl Grey atremble in your delicate hand as you reach for the smelling salts, so just be aware that that will be the price you have to pay for one of the funniest, angriest and excoriating verbal smack-downs ever to hit cyberspace.  The opening faux apology will go down as a classic.  Conan, you will love this. The ‘Pie  is green with envy.

On the local political scene, The ‘Pie came across an interesting snippet. Following up a posted comment of a few weeks back, it seems that while Townsville Enterprise further copped a further $800k (give or take) of ratepayers hard-earned, there is a new accountability deal afoot. 

David Daddy Warbucks Kippin.
David Daddy Warbucks Kippin, the man who would have been the mayor of this city had he not gone back on firm pledges to run in order to catch the Express Gravy Train down at TEL, will now have to periodically front council to account for the largesse of public money funneled to him. Not only that, but The ‘Pie hears that the council will be able to basically give him and his chairman their riding orders in some areas that the council feels their money should go towards. The council directing where ratepayer money is spent is as it should be, and always should have been. All well and good for – finally – some transparency, you cry in heel-clicking joy.

Not so fast.

Although it is yet to be confirmed, those meetings will probably not be  ‘council meetings’ but ‘workshops’ – and thus will not be open to the public or the media. So we won’t be privy to any targets, reached or otherwise, and will just trust that TEL is carrying on its supposedly noble causes of spending our money without any real accountability. And given the rumored financial strife surrounding TEL (one caller suggested if it wasn’t for public money from surrounding councils and the government, this supposedly membership-based organization would’ve gone west yonks ago, not even able to meet their wages bill – and a bit of staff culling is now said to be a strong possibility), Daddy Warbucks will no doubt claim some sort of spurious ‘commercial in confidence’ situation – which, in this setting, is of course, bullshit.

It would be nice if TEL could just tell us what they’re doing in substantive terms. A tiresome example came during the week. The ‘Pie was amused when ABC Radio interviewed a bubbly young lady from TEL, who, not surprisingly given the cheerleader mindset of the place, made it sound like TEL had personally organized the upcoming eclipse which is attracting visitors north. If TEL has done anything to promote the event, why not tell us? Or is it just yet another ‘on the coattails’ ploy?  That seems to be symptomatic of the problem - they're not telling us, which comes across as arrogance and entitlement.

Perhaps TEL should be renamed Townsvillle Eclipse Limited, since they keep us in the dark so much.

On other matters, seems Mayor Mullet is sensibly laying low and thus avoiding low lying, presumably awaiting the CMC’s decision as to whether she was low lying with her allegations of bureaucratic naughtiness by her CEO Ray Burton. So there is no skullduggery to report in that department – yet - but while The Mullet is keeping a low(ish) profile, does The ‘Pie sniff the start of a self-promotion campaign by our old mate Les Messagebank Walker?

Les Messagebank Walker
Is he dreaming dreams of greater glory? Several people have been breathing down the MagpieFone that  Messagebank has been popping up everywhere, and sticking his beak into ratepayer concerns well out of his bailiwick.  Nothing wrong with that, nice change to see him active in his political dotage, but it’s surprising for two reasons.

Messagebank was seen as one of the laziest councillors in the Mooney era – The ‘Pie hasn’t checked the records himself, but a very reliable source says that for some years Les was the council delegate to the North Queensland Games (or some such outfit) and didn’t attend a single meeting. And he had a similar record as our city rep on the North Queensland Field Days. If this is wrong, Les, The ‘Pie will be happy to hear from, and publish, your response (naughty words edited out).

The other irony is that Messagebank’s famous refusal to answer or return calls from residents wanting assistance (hence his moniker) allowed David The Kid Crisafulli to lift his public profile no end by attending to those matters Messagebank wouldn’t. Wonder if he’s trying the same ploy, in the hope that Mayor Mullet decides at a crack at higher things and the Walker Street throne goes up for grabs? Bit of a stretch, maybe, but there have been bigger self-deluders around this burg before (think Anita Phillips, David Moyle, or the Forest Gump Water Watch Party).

Enough now, it is away to Poseurs’ Bar, where the old bird will do his best to beguile a suitable lass into assisting him with an obesity test. But given The ‘Pie’s record, fat chance.



  1. Pie, well done. Lots of Hoo Ha and fun. Keep up the good work.

  2. Re your last paragraph..........does that mean you're "gutless" ?

  3. Just rode the hyper link to the Paul Sheehan faux apology: What a fantastic put down that piece was! Gave me a good laugh while the other half is watching the Aussie vs. Kiwis rugby game, and I am banished to get jiggy with the Mac. Thanks Pie; you rock!

  4. Conan the GrammarianOctober 13, 2012 at 10:11 PM

    You were right re the Paul Sheehan-related opening faux apology; I loved it, perhaps too much. I'm still getting over its paradoxical nature.

    While looking for the appropriate Physics law to describe such paradoxism (is that a neologism?, not to be confused with paroxysm, which I experienced several times) I happened upon this poem describing a pair of wall-mounted urinals attached at right-angles to each other, so close as to be mutually unusable by two people simultaneously:

    "No Two Objects Can Occupy the Same Space at the Same Time
    By Elton Camp"

    The architect who designed this john
    Surely was an especially careless one
    Perhaps he forgot a basic science rule
    That he must have learned in school
    Two objects can’t use the same space
    It’s a fact we are simply forced to face
    Two of these had to cost some dough
    Only one of them can be used though
    I guess that if one of them breaks down
    It’s handy to have another one around
    A reason I decided this write to bring:
    A poem can be written about anything.

    I pray that the Poseurs' Bar never engages that architect in any future renovation.

    1. Huh?

      As Ming Menzies once replied to an attack by a meandering opponent 'The tour of the honorable gentleman'smind would have been far more enlightening had it not been conducted in the gathering darkess'.

      Better stay off the old White Infuriator when around the keyboard, me old mate.

  5. Re the comments regarding the Town Plan this blog 6 oct it is interesting to note page 56 T/B Sat 13 Oct REQUEST FOR TENDER. T6950 > Conceptual and design for the the NEW Bohle River Bridge on Dalrymple Road Townsville. I would gather that this bridge is at this stage pie in the sky dreams (depending on grants by the State & Federal Govt of the day) but it does highlite that infrastructure should be in place before extensive land developements are approved. I would expect further developement on the left hand side of Dalyrmple Road shortly and of course if and when the Ring Road is continued the land area between Herveys Range Rd and the extension to the Ring Road will become a developers dream & one would expect Dalrymple Rd to become a extremely high useage road .Of course this project is in it's very early stages but does show the Town Plan should reflect a long term view not just to benefit Developers of the day...

  6. It would seem that if a man says anything percieved as sexist by a woman, then he is now a misogynist. Feminism is sexist by its very nature & using the same logic, if any woman complains of men, she is therefore a misandrist. This whole debate is a load of old bollocks, irrespective of whether you can see it or not. PS I love mussels.

    1. Err, that would be a load of old ovaries, wouldn't it? Or ova-ollocks?

    2. I deeply detest Gillard and Wong - right down to the molecular level. My wife is not overly fond of either of them either.

      If my wife states her views at a BBQ, she is simply exercising her rights as an intelligent, well-educated thoughtful and independent-thinking woman.

      If I express an identical view at the same BBQ, regardless of my IQ, education or status in society, I am just a sexist ratbag who has a problem with women.

      Incidentally, I hold just a passionate dislike of Swan, and Rudd and that creepy little weasel Bradbury...

      Politicians will be as gun-shy as the Kennedys in the future when it comes to confronting female politicians. Good on ya, Joolya - robust and intelligent debate in your government was never going to happen anyway...

    3. Let's have a shown down with Jeweliar and Mrs Abbott?

      Nice work Pie.

  7. tarnished nugget of the golden kindOctober 14, 2012 at 11:00 AM

    What I wouldnt give to be at the next Council Christmas party,Jenny,Les,Vern,Ray and the rest of the crew.
    All sitting at one table with a few beers under their belts,secret santa would be a hoot(or should that be warble).
    Keep up the good work Magpie

  8. Always informative and entertaining Pie. It seems that a bit of tee tee for the Prince is ok is some photographs but not his wife's Tee's.

  9. I dunno, 'Pie. That rant by Jenkins I found to be singularly unimpressive. Shallow and devoid any intellectual worth. The type of infantile nonsense worthy of those too-clever-by-half morons on "The Chaser".

    It seems to me that sarcasm, ad hominen attacks, vulgarity and liberal use of the F-bomb has become stock in trade for the Left. Whilst this was previously reserved for those of us who refuse to accept everything we are told about climate change/global warming (whatever - it depends on what the weather is like on the day, it now appears to be the favoured response when the facts don't suit the leftie cause.

    I would have thought that a proper definition of an accusation would form an integral part of a defence to such an accusation. What got Jenkins' knickers so in a knot over it?

    I used my thong (the one I wear on my foot) to kill a spider last night. It was that or have to listen to the shrieks of several other members of the household. That does not make me arachnophobic. If you accused me of being one, I would point out that I do not have an irrational fear of spiders (an essential element of the charge), it was just that that particular one needed to be swatted at that particular time.

    You know, I used to love those pickled mussels from NZ. Some cheese and bickies, ice-cold cider - perfect summer tiffin in the "Ville. Now, I would not be caught dead buying a jar - the shame! Perhaps they should now stock them on the same shelf as the cherry flavoured personal lubricants, condoms, French Ticklers and Horny Goat Weed. Thank YOU, Slimey Pete.

    1. You spurn and deride anything '... shallow and devoid of intellectual worth'. 'Infantile nonsense' . 'Too clever by half moron(s).' ????

      Ummm, how come you read The Magpie?

  10. 'cause, apart from being an interesting and fascinating columnist, you are not an unattractive man.

    Can I have your mobile number? Then we could text...I know some good ones

    Derision? I prefer to think of it as "constructive deconstruction"

    1. Kerrr-ist!!

      Get back on the medication immediately, Grumpy.

  11. Unbelievable. I've just watched ABC News and nothing was reported on Craig Thomson. Labor are definitely taking this great country of ours to the brink.

  12. Murdoch manages pull out the punches even though he's laid off so many workers here in Townsville. News Corp. managed to avoid rowdy protests at its annual shareholders meeting, but that didn't stop stockholders from voicing complaints about the grip on the company held by founder and CEO Rupert Murdoch and his family.

    I'd say the grip is in the inside. While working for the Astonisher there was no real freedom of speech or 'actual reporting' with exception court reports. Most articles we were told what to do all the time. Creating an artificial news service which was diseminated and picked up by other incompetent news outlets.

    The Astonisher had a system of 'entitlements' and was run by 20 something JCU graduates who have no maturity base. There was misogyny within but she worked in the Human Resource dept. and did not like independent women who worked within the news office. She never gave pay rises .. Mrs Atil

  13. Most of the staff who leave the Astonisher feel a sense of relief when they have left the building. What you read may not be at all news.

  14. Happy days, Clive Palmer can buy the Casino in Townsville instead of building a new one.