Saturday, August 24, 2013

Tinkering Taylor? Is legendary Townsville/Gold Coast ALP political persuader Barry The Bagman Taylor suddenly lurching to the Right, and is now banging the begging bowl for the Libs Herbert candidate Ewen Jones?

Looks like it, and as with everything else he does, our multi-millionaire lawyer pal isn’t one for doing it by halves.

If that is out of left field, Big Bazza isn’t alone in the surprise stakes. North Queensland can lay claim to the loopiest candidate for this election, and, guess what, to quote our temporary PM - it ain’t The Cut Snake Party’s Mad Katter ….

… but someone in the Cut Snake bunker will be getting the bum kicked ‘til their nose bleeds after a memory lapse has caused great on-line merriment…

Remember John Cleese's unforgettable (that’s why you’ll remember it) Ministry of Funny Walks. Hilarious, ridculous but harmless fun, yes? Well, no – at least not in the Northern Territory – could cost you $150 …

All here, and a lot of other flapdoodle here in this week’s nest at


That's a not a boat burning, that is taxpayers money.

Election time seems to be a field day for loopy ideas, but surely no one was ready for Wingnut Abbott's Baldrick-like cunning plan with his ‘if we can’t stop the boats, we’ll buy 'em and burn 'em’ policy. The man Who Would Be Prime Minister may have had grand visions of following in the footsteps of history, emulating the likes of Alexander the Great invading Persia and Hernan Cortes dropping in on Mexico, but all Wingnut did was end up channeling Kevin Rudd. Given the ingrained corruption of Indonesian society at all levels, it is a deeply idiotic idea worthy of KRudd. The people smugglers would quickly go into the boat building business.  Just as well for Mr Rabbit that he has a growing lead over his opponent. A few more fruitcake policies like this one, and things will get very interesting for all concerned - particularly all Australians.

As usual, Bentley is less than impressed with all the jaw-jaw from both sides.

But ya gotta love democracy.

There’s plenty going in sideshow alley while big ‘uns are in the main ring.

Election time allows all sorts of entertaining folk to form parties and lose their deposits as the price for spouting their original ideas. But they don’t come much more original than Paul Lewis, the Rise Up Australia Party’s candidate for Capricornia.

Rise up or wise up?
The Rise Up Australia Party's Paul Lewis.

Now, as you can see, Mr Lewis looks like a run-of-the-mill kind of bloke, indeed he looks eminently sane. But that impression starts to flicker alarming like a dodgy neon light within seconds of him starting to talk.

Not to put too fine a point on it, Mr Lewis puts the Mad Katter’s gurglings, gigglings and squeakings about ‘croc –o-diles in the ceiling with pink batts’ in to the shade. Big time.

As Mr lewis tells it, it is not so much Rise Up Australia as Wise Up Australia.

One wonders if Mr Lewis's middle name is Jerry.

Hailing from the Gold Coast, this born-again Christian has enlightened us with the news that the United Nations organized a private company to cause the floods in Central Queensland in 2010 and 2011.

Not God, not nature, nope, it was the United Nations.
'Aerial tankers bought by a private company from the US defence force were sub-contracted by the UN to spray chemicals on clouds over central Queensland, causing high levels of rainfall,’ he told the Rockhampton Bulletin. Well, one supposes the good news is that at least cloud seeding apparently works. What he doesn't say is why the UN would do this.

This would be comical if it wasn't such a cruel hoax on thousands of people still suffering the aftermath of one of this country's greatest natural disasters.

‘Jerry’ tells us that during visits to friends in the area over the past six years, ‘it was obvious weather manipulation technology was being used’. Yes, well, one can just picture Mr Lewis and his friends, sitting barefoot in their dungarees on the verandah, looking at the clouds between bouts of plucking their banjos.

When he’s not talking about water, our man is going on about fire – hell fire, that is. Yup, the whole of Australia will be going up in flames if same-sex marriage is made legal. Hey, if that happens, maybe we could call on the UN again to douse the infernal flames. Sort of symmetry to all this, isn't there?

But talking about that flickering neon analogy, there seems to have been a partial return to reality for Mr Lewis when he expressed concern that his views might not get him elected. Ya reckon, DiNozzo?

'I'll get that bloody croc-o-dile one day, I know he's up there.'

Our in Katter Country, the story goes that Bob  and/or his minders forgot to renew his website , which was quickly snaffled up by a prankster, so that when you go to this link, you get a whole load of anti-Rudd jokes and so on under the heading Rudd’s A Dud. But as with Mr Lewis, maybe Bob had a  lucid moment and developed an understandable sense of humour.

But politics does indeed make strange bedfellows.

Our beloved Bazza  The Bagman Taylor has long cultivated close connections with Labor politicians at all levels of government. He was or still is a close friend of Tony His Radiance Mooney, and always had the mayor’s ear when making representations for his clients. Most recently, he also has acted as the donations bagman and persuader of sweet reason for ‘independent’ mayoral candidate Jenny Hill.
Barry Taylor

But there are those who have always suspected that Bazza has always been a lifelong member of the Bazza Party, and that makes sense given the lobbying he has done for various clients with just about level of government but particularly local councils. (Have a squizz here  at the boast list here on Bazza’s website - actually, pretty impressive.)

One of Bazza's newest bestest friends ...

... and another one.
But some didn’t understand this perfectly reasonable mindset, so it was with a mixture of disbelief and dismay that Labor folk around town greeted this week’s news that Bazza is now rattling the tin for none other than the LNP's Ewen Jones. And the rattling was deafening, as our man drummed up a local crew of worthies for a - wait for it - $8000 a plate dinner with Joe Hockey who was in town last Wednesday. The Magpie is told that the shindig was held at Bazza’ own motel-like pad that adorns the slopes of Castle Hill. Catering by Michel, one hears. Having it literally 'in house' is a reasonable assumption, since Bazza is somewhat shy (read ‘pissed off’) that his banging the dinner gong for our next treasurer is the talk of the town, but word would’ve been guaranteed to be out in a nano-second if the shindig was held in a restaurant.

The Pie does not suggest anything nefarious about all this, but let’s face it, it is a bit of swerve. And maybe this isn’t the only thing changing for the Bagman.

Reliable word in local legal circles is that Baz has flogged off his Emanate Legal business to Shine Lawyers, the crowd Erin Brockovich so highly recommends on telly.

In recent times, our man has been on a nice little earner representing landholders out west in negotiations with BHP and other mining interests who want rail corridors through grazing properties. Now, maybe a new challenge looms. There’s still plenty to keep him busy – he’s the deputy doo-dah of Queensland Racing, (which means Campbell Newman must like him), and he has a thriving branch office of Emanate on the Gold Coast. (At last word, Mrs Typo is still there.) Nowadays, that’s just a short drive from Mr Taylor’s renovated multi-million dollar pad at Noosa. Maybe he and Typo can revive their Saturday afternoon punting sessions.

He's making a habit - and a motza, one presumes - of this, a few years ago flogging his Denham Street Suthers & Taylor practice to mega firm MacDonells Law.

Moving on, with a quick digression concerning the aforementioned Erin Brockovich. She has always come up pretty well after a cut and polish, although not quite up to the Julia Roberts standard.
Erin Brockovich - from nice bust to ....

But she's back in the news for the wrong reasons of late. Erin got picked for being sloshed while driving a boat around on a Nevada lake. And boy, that Nevada sun doesn't do a gal any favours ... and neither do police mugshots.

... nicely busted. Yep, that is her. 
Oh, dear.

Other matters.

For many people, the jury is still out on whether that wonderful cartoonist Larry Pickering exists in his own Whacko-sphere driven by naked and all consuming hatred of all things Labor. Well, he ain’t alone there, but he does sometimes appear, shall we say, a tad extreme in his words – his cartoons have bite and sometimes eloquence and humour that doesn’t always translate beyond rant in his written missives.

Still the sharpest pen:
cartoonist Larry Pickering

Little doubt Larry‘s high profile keeps him well-connected, so here is a chance to see if there is substance to his conspiracy theories. He recently posted this.

This on Larry Pickering – there may be some truth to it. The REASON why Rudd called the election was that yesterday he got news that the PNG Parliament are putting thru A VOTE OF NO CONFIDENCE For O'Neil. But here's the crunch. It will vote on kicking O'Neil out on 10Th SEPTEMBER!!!! Rudd needed to go yesterday because an election ONE WEEK LATER would see the Manus Island deal the 2 stitched up STOPPED. The PNG MPs are hostile that O'Neil has done this and it will probably cost ONeil his position. Rudd was desperate to go to G20 in Russia. Not gunna happen now. Looks like Manus won't go ahead either. Can you imagine what the Australian voters are going to say when this gets out? What a deceiving mongrel he is.

 So one way or the other, in a couple of weeks we’ll know who best deserves the title of ‘deceiving mongrel’.

Now a Nanny State update.

US President Lyndon Johnson once famously said that Gerald Ford that he was so dumb he couldn’t fart and chew gum at the same time. (A timid media at the time substituted ‘walk’ for ‘fart’ – LBJ was known to be ‘plenty salty’, as the Yanks say.)

Whether that was fair on Ford is a matter of opinion (although history has been kind to the man dumb enough to pardon Nixon), but Ford comes to mind all these years later when we learn that the Nanny State has arrived in – would you believe it, Maud? – the Northern Territory. 

The cops there reckon the general populace is too dumb to walk and TEXT and the same time … and have the powers of $150 on-the-spot fines to back their opinion. DRIVING and texting is a criminally dangerous and illegal combination, but WALKING and texting?

Criminal activity NT-style.
The NT Times reported that via Facebook, the local wallopers lectured people on the dangers of ‘engaging with their gadgets’ while walking – like bumping into poles, other people, or tripping over the footpath. And we can’t have that, can we? human beings, albeit Techno Twits doing what human beings do? (A digression: The Pie has no interest in 'engaging with gadgets' but as a pimply youth he had an unrealistic desire of 'engaging with Gidget's' ...)

The cops have a regulation which says, in best walloper-speak, it is 'an offence to walk without due care’.

If really desperate, they could probably make an argument for ‘walking without due care’ for those dumb enough to cross roads while texting, but The Pie is of the mind to let the (Charles)Darwin Awards ‘strengthen the gene pool by letting dimwits kill themselves’ argument prevail. Bloody nuisance for the driver, what with insurance Nazis and all, but no real loss to society.

This idiotic regulation has unsurprisingly given throbbing temples to the civil rights folk. Read about it all here.

And if you want to revisit the delightful idiocy of Monty Python and John Cleese, report into the Ministry of Silly Walks here.

Now some of the quotes noted during the week.

‘If you caught a fish that long, you’d be on the front page of the papers.’
ABC waffler John Nutting, commenting on the humungous size of the Senate ballot paper when he went to pre-polling.

"It may be stating the obvious but Government subsidies, wealthy philanthropists and simply going 100 per cent digital won't save you if you don't obey the fundamental rule - understand and serve your consumers. News Ltd's new business model places our customers - consumers and advertisers - on a pedestal at the centre of our business focus. At the heart of our relationship with customers is great journalism. We aim to offer more exclusives than any other media company.’
Kim Williams optimistic words 20 months ago when he became head honcho at News Ltd. No wonder they got rid of him.

‘There was standing room only at the mosque.’
ABC reporter covering Sydney Friday prayers calling for peace in  Egypt, which sort of raises the question, what does Islam say about praying standing up. At least they’d be closer to Allah

… the work will be carried out by ‘hand chosen expert’.
An AMA spokesman hinting at a novel selection process for the head of an integrity committee. Slightly different to ‘hand picked’.

And, oh dear, does it have to come to this? Sigh, seems so, he's got The Pie's vote of confidence.

That's it then, enough now, it is away to Poseurs’ Bar, for a careful drinkette or three – careful because the old bird recently wasted a whole night talking to a fat, alcoholic transvestite, who just wanted to eat, drink and be Mary. 


  1. Emanate Legal did donate $5000. to the Inderpendant (sic) Team Hill campaign.

  2. Pie, I'm astounded. Have been reading your blog for sometime now. Whilst a mostly enjoyable experience, it's downfall has always been the miniscule sized font you use. Having passed it off as a quirk the site, you've shown today that larger fonts are possible. (e.g. The pickering piece above).

    Can you please, please, use that size more often ? my neck, shoulders and eyes will be forever in your debt :)

    1. Mea culpa, Squinter, good point and apologies.

      The Pie is a confessed techno-klutz, and made an silly error while publishing this afternoon, which involved an extra hour of rectification and the font fell victim to the late afternoon deadline frustration. But a lesson was learnt - won't bore you with the details, but hopefully it won't happen again. I agree the size you pinpont would be a good standard, will aim for that in the future.

      Thanks for the feedback, appreciated.

  3. Oh come on Pie, Bazza Taylor always and only ever gravitates to power and money left, right and centre. After His Radiance was dumped by voters and Kid Crisafulli's tin star was shinning brightly as Deputy Mayor, Bazza became his mentor. And now as Local Government Minister The Kid's in a position to let Can Do Without know who should be on government boards. No surprises with Bazza at all mate. But for anyone with no power or influence ...ppffft he ain't interested.

  4. Good one 'Pie, as always.
    But you missed Bazza Taylor's other new "besties", David Crisafulli and Tony Parsons.
    Nothing sinister about this of course. Bazza is renowned for making new friends after elections, or when a politician suddenly achieves a position of power.
    And he's such a well respected and likeable bloke that every politician wants to be his friend.
    In my circle of friends we refer to Bazza as "Jump Tent Taylor".

  5. Ron the record keeperAugust 25, 2013 at 2:10 PM

    The thing that gets me about these politicians falling over themselves to become overnight best mates with Bazza Tailor is that they must be dumb if they think he is really interested in them.
    Then of course, there could be other incentives for Jones, Crisafulli, Parsons and the like suddenly embracing a hard nosed Labor man.
    The list of donations to the LNP election campaign at the last State election makes interesting reading.
    It seems that Bazza's legal firm made a string of donations to assist the Liberal cause.
    Looks like it is now payback time.
    A record of just who gets approvals for what from our local pollies is being kept for future reference.

  6. Always good and very entertaining!
    Miss lou.

  7. Looking forward to election night. Im having a party.

  8. From the That's Putting Things In Perspective, Dept of:

    'Like the deaths of John F. Kennedy, Lady Di and the hi-jacked planes going into New York's Twin Towers, most people can remember what they were doing when they had their first bite of a Chiko Roll.'
    John 'Ando' Andersen in today's Daily Astonisher.

  9. Grumpy Build 'Em HighAugust 27, 2013 at 9:29 AM

    I have just received a letter from one S Bingley, “Revenue Coordinator” of the TCC’s Revenue Unit, Corporate Services.

    The first three paragraphs (which each comprised of one long and convoluted sentence) were a mangled mash of grammar, syntax and punctuation errors which rendered them virtually unreadable. I had to read the letter three times, each time mentally reconstructing each sentence, disentangling the syntax and removing errant commas.

    I eventually extricated from the jumbled clutter of words the underlying message. There had been a blunder at the printers and a Schedule of Rates was not enclosed with one of my recently issued Rate Notices. Said Schedule was on its way. For some unexplained reason, Australia Post was not charging postage for the additional mail-out (although the letter telling me that was charged – why not include the letter with the AWOL Schedule? No revenue coordination there.)

    Mistakes happen. No biggie as far as I am concerned and, to be frank, it was entirely unnoticed by me. But one should expect any correspondence from Council to meet a basic level of business communication standards. By any such standards S Bingley’s letter was a dismal and embarrassing failure.

    Memo to S Bingley: Have you considered the possibility that the root cause of the administrative cock-up could have been your inability to effectively communicate in writing?

  10. His battle with language goes on:

    Just checked the Mr Rabbit's campaign opener speech, and am still wondering about 'there is no problem that can't be improved'. Just what we need, better problems.

  11. I say, how funny is Kevin )07 wanting to move the Naval base from Sydney?

    1. Not funny ha ha - funny peculiar.

      Is he going to move a deep water port here too?

      And I bet NSW Labor is right behind the idea...

      What a tosser that man is.

    2. Kevin Dog? Why call himself that??

    3. 'cause he is an absolute mongrel

    4. A classic case of there's no fool like an old fool.
      This Kev Dog stuff was all news to The Pie, but apparently it was another clunky attempt to appeal to 'yoof' too young to vote ... for those who were a bit mystified by the dog comments, the tiresome yoof culture apparently puts 'dog' behind people's name, (at least they do this week) so on a chat room session, someone addressed the PM as Kev Dog or Rudd Dog or somesuch other tedious blarney.
      That's the official story, but The Pie has a different theory.
      In the movie The Proposal, a fluffy little pooch with white hair named Kevin is snatched up by an eagle until Sandra Bullock chucks her mobile phone at the bird, who drops the dog in the waiting bosom and arms of Sandra Bullock.
      The 'Pie is of the mind that PM KRudd likes Kevin Dog because it'd be about his only chance of being picked up by a bird ... and if he was, the prancing prissy little ninny would soon be dropped.
      Deep, eh?


    Under the curious headlines that appeared to appealing for more obese muggers, 'Support For Heftier Park Punishments', Astonisher reporter Master Bateman further mystifies us with the opening para

    'FEDERAL Disability Minister Jenny Macklin has given the tick of approval to the Newman Government's plans to police disabled parks.'

    He then relents and let's us in on what he's actually trying to say in the second para.

    ' The government will be increasing penalties from $44 to $220 for offences such as parking in a disabled area, to create a more uniform approach to fines across Queensland.'

    Ah, geddit 'parking', as in cars.

  13. Why do we have to watch Typo on television? He's such a creepy iditor!


    This advisory just in from the TCC.

    Mayor Jenny Hill will tomorrow (Friday) launch the public consultation on the Draft City Plan, the strategic planning vision to shape Townsville’s development and progress over the next 25 years.
    Cr Hill will join Planning and Development Committee Chairman Cr Tony Parsons, and key stakeholders for the Draft City Plan's release at the Townsville Civic Theatre C2 performance space at 11am.
    State Minister for Local Government and Community Recovery and Resilience, the Hon. David Crisafulli will be a guest speaker at the launch.

    SO there ya go, Angry Ratepayer (and also party animal David Moyle and Paul Jacob, aka Cliff Richard leader of the Shadows) you must be so excited ... just hope you're wearing your Incontinence Undies on, it's one more sleep before you can go into whinge overdrive, so we don't want any over-excited SBL 'night accidents' do we?

  15. Ever wondered why Julia originally chose September 14 for an election date?

    For a PM to receive FULL parliamentary pension and perks, they need to be leader/PM for three years within a full term of government.

    Julia Gillard would have been eligible for the full parliamentary pension and perks on September 13 this year.
    Good news is she never made it, meaning she loses the perks and ... Gets about 2/3rds of the Parliamentary Pension she would have got.

    She will still get more than she deserves, but at least it’s less than she could have received.

    If anyone was naive enough to think she ever cared about this country, hopefully they can now all see that for the entire period of her time as PM it was always ‘What’s in it for Me?’ Julia!

    Now we know why Kevin changed the date – He’d do Anything to stuff her up!

  16. Whaaattt?
    A thoughtful, balanced and well argued editorial about the new town plan in today's Astonisher???
    An even handed analysis of the issue of raising building heights in various areas, particularly The Strand?? What's going on?
    Then the penny dropped. The Magpie will take any odds on offer that this particular editorial was written by Tony Raggatt, who did an equally balanced report in the news columns. He often writes the leader when a matter is a little too tricky for temporary Townsville resident Lachlan Heywood.
    And a digression: The Pie has always been a little bewildered to be part of a community that describes five storeys as 'high rise' ... a claim that has often given the southern pink-pullover chatterati a scornful snigger or two over their lattes. This is the group that only ever mentions Townsville for comedic purposes. Fu#k 'em. 

  17. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't today the first day since the election campaign started that the Bulletin has failed to run a self-important, 'opinion leading' revelation about how the tea lady, a hamburger joint operator and a check-out chick demand a new super stadium as 'essential' for our kiddies future? Or have they tucked one away, missed by my quick scan of the paper - it has to be quick; linger too long and your eyes start to bleed.

  18. Why hasn't any Astonisher staffer taken a picture of Kev Dog in the new office? Cracker of a shot of Lydia S with Jewliar.

  19. Ballarat (Vic) Sunday 01 Sept Race 3 #12 She's Tempting by Keep the Faith from Slashing Sort...