Saturday, October 29, 2011

Now that Farmer Les has formally put himself out to pasture, the fun really starts. But The Moaning Mullet is deadly serious. And Dale wants to be anything but last

And The Ogre of Ogden Street goes all arty-farty.

But - finally - the big news!

Believe it not, we now have a quality candidate, tailor-made for the office of Townsville mayor, with all the credentials of sobriety, social responsibility, fiscal actuity, voter appeal - particularly among the younger mug voters - and deep credibility. 

Or, hang on a sec, is he just a stalking horse for our local political Joan of Nark, aka Jenny The Moaning Mullet Hill?

Now look, this is getting REALLY tricky, because the above DOES NOT refer to the vaulting ambition of former walloper Dale Last, current front runner for the scarlet possum-fur trimmed mayoral robes.    

The Magpie, as always, cogitates aimlessly, here at the Nest at

Yep, it's none other than our goofy mate, Jeff 'Jimbo' Jimmieson who reckons he's up for the top job.

Goofy? Well, he certainly presents an image that The 'Pie reckons would very much tally with the average southeners' image of our fair city. To show his seriousness in this selfless offer of service to the community, here is the probable pic that the (former?) drummer for the band Godfathers of Funk will no doubt use during his campaign.

He who would be our mayor (he's on the right).

And as a seasoned old kidder, Mr J injects another sorely missed element in our local barnyard politics, that of humour. 

Oh, my sainted aunt, what laughs he gave us last time around, when he resigned from the Labor Party so he could run as an independent on His Radiance Mayor Mooney's Labor/Independent Team Titantic. Those who carped on and on, cruelly using words like 'cynical', 'hypocritical' and 'bullshitter' were surely far from the mark. Because Jeff Jimmieson is a known joker in the pack, and what a lark it was donning  the tag of independent just for a merry jape.

And he still has a couple of thigh-slapping zingers in him. 

For instance, we sprayed our breakfast CocoPops this week with his quote that he'd put his hand up because 'the public wants new blood and some new thinking'. Well, yes, they do, but why is someone like you talking about this, Jimbo? Given your previous involvment with Libs and Nats down south, before going Labor, independent, then back to Labor up in these parts? You come across as a politcal dialysis machine rather than new blood - recycled thinned-out ideas that might just keep a gasping party from carking it completely. And keep you in the financial comfort you seem to think you're entitled to.

Indeed, you could be seen as a poor man's David Moyle, whose desperation to shoulder in to the political trough has seen him a member of as many as eight parties across the spectrum in as many years.

(Idle thought : Kerr-ist, wouldn't it be nice to elect someone with vision and energy, and also a deep love this city at heart?  Sigh, fat bloody chance.)  

But even if he knows all this, a loyal Labor foot soldier is our Jimbo, who did very well out the Mooney administration with contracts to organise all sorts of events around town. It must be said that all these contracts were fulfilled and done professionally, at least in the fact that he was paid oodles of ratepayers dosh to put them on - but Jimbo's company  Access All Council Money ... err, sorry, that should be Access All Areas, did do a good job.

And loyal? Absolutely. For no sooner had he finished his little independence wheeze on the Mooney's Team Titantic annihalation at the last election than he promptly rejoined the Labor Party! Gosh, who woulda thought!?! 

Both Jimbo and Jenny The Moaning Mullet Hill believe that the ALP is not going to endorse any candidates in Townsville this time around. So both know they don't risk party expulsion - an almost masonic-like ALP process which involves the usual farewell ceremony requiring a car battery and gonad clips before being turfing out by part-time bouncers from the Mad Cow.

Crikey, just how independent can you get?

Well, financially independent for sure. Because without party endorsement, hopefuls will have to find their own campaign dough, and candidates from anywhere on the political planet will need minimum $15 to $30K to get a look in.

But The 'Pie sniffs a distinct piscine odour, a generous sprinkling of eau du rodent, in all this; he idly wonders if it is just another Jimbo joke with a soupcon of the usual Jimmieson posturing. 

Perhaps our loveable galoot isn't worried about occasionally looking like a goof for the camera, because as a businessman, he is - well, his record can speak for itself, whenever it is examined in detail. And it will be. This old bird's best bet is that this shy raising of the mayoralty hand at the back of the branch meeting class doesn't mean he wants to have a piss, it probably means he's taking the piss. 

As is The Mullet.

You see, The 'Pie believes that The Moaning Mullet, local Labor's Joan of Nark, is widely perceived, even in her own party, to be unelectable as mayor. (Or anything else except a councillor.)

And she knows it.

She also knows that she would also certainly get back in as a councillor - she romped in  last time when all her party pals, including Jimbo, were nut crunched. Since then, styling herself as a narky 'opposition' councillor  the moaning-meter has been chattering away constantly like a geiger counter at Chernobyl. That is, always negative. 

So, she knows if she takes a hopeless shot at the mayoralty, she will be turfed off the gravy train, because a mayoral candidates cannot also seek to be a councillor.

Now, here's the interesting thing; the word is she will run a team, but she will only stand as a councillor. She will seek to be the power behind the throne, setting up a sure-fire loser like Jimbo Jimmieson as the team's mayoral candidate. 

Cute isn't it? Even in the louch world of politic's elastic ethics, if this is indeed the scenario, it deserves some sort of award.

But will Jimbo, whose ambitions seem to be well ahead of his abilities, be in it? 

Well, the ever-generous Magpie will let newly appointed theatre critic of the Townsville Dailly Astonisher, the Ogre of Ogden Street aka News Ltd hatchet man and Astonisher general manager Michael Wilkins have the last word.

The Ogre, aware of the shortfall of reporting staff at the paper - someone down there has been sacking them, you know, mate - made a return to the editorial side of things when he penned a review of the Townsville Little Theatre's production of 'The Inspector Calls'. (Actually, a pretty good review - dunno whether it was program notes, but was almost good enough to have been googled.)    

The Ogre was quite taken by a performance of a certain Jeff Jimmieson, of which role he said ' Jimmieson is suitably pompous, bloated wth self-confidence and craving social advancement'. 

Now, now, no nasty cracks about art imitating life!

Enough now, it is away to Poseurs' Bar, for a foaming bebubbled glass or two, where the old bird will hope to put his hand up - but only with full endorsement, of course. 


  1. Wrong, wrong, and even more wrong...Jenny is running a team with her as the Mayoral candidate, and I recently got some documentation in my mail box from one Vicky Salisbury - Candidate on the Jenny Hill team, running in contrary to your post! Vote Team Hill - Together we will! Authorised by some bloke named Dan McMillan too.

  2. Being wrong is an art which encourages others to prattle on. Ms Salisbury and Mr McMillan are former Labor Party members who appear to have donned the coat of independence for their latest tilt as ratepayer employment (there were 12 of those coats left lying around after the last election). Does your info anywhere say The Mullet is going for mayor - or is she just a member of a her team?