Saturday, November 16, 2013

It’s been an absolute ‘b…. ’ of a week, what with all the talk being of boobs, bikies, boobs, a Bulletin baffler … boobs, a Bulletin beat-up … and some more on boobs.

 Of course, there have been plenty of ‘boobs’, as in ‘a foolish or stupid person’ involved each and every one of the above subjects.

The country is now successfully and rapidly recovering from it Ruddectomy during the week … a few choice quotes.

The ‘Pie has come across a genuinely thought-provoking idea that could render the undemocratic bikie laws null and void – seriously.

And if we all have a giggle now and then at the Daily Astonisher, this week we were all tittering away at the storm in a D cup about the Hooters Restaurant saga. Bentley has succinct say on that one, some quotes of the week, and a couple of the week’s comments revisited, all here in the nest at
First up, some (hopefully) good news. The gremlins look like they've been defeated, and in the next few days, there will be a special Magpie post where you can see that controversial report on the value of the V8s to Townsville, and the thorough analysis of same by Mike Shearer.  Keep an eye out, subscribers will be notified.

Now onward and ever upward.

If the Newman Government think they’ve really put the frighteners on bikie gangs, that is just another thing they have got gravely wrong in this issue.

For a start, there’s photographic proof that the threat of pink prison overalls is going to intimidate these unsavory  retards, one has a message for the premier which is about as subtle as a grenade in a bowl of porridge.

And on the same subject, here’s something that may wipe the smile of the face of suburban conveyancing lawyer turned attorney-general Jarrrod Bleijie.

 A letter writer to has come up with an interesting question: what if the bikie gangs register themselves as political parties? There’d be enough blokes and blokettes in each club lacking sufficient form to preclude them from such a move, and then they could gather wherever and whenever they liked. Unless of course, the fair-minded Mr Bleijie intends his unlawful association laws to extend to those other criminal groupings in society ... like political parties. If so, make it retrospective, and anyone found still, possessing a Kevin 07 T-shirt should be made pretty in the pink and slotted.

Speaking of such matters, the Ruddectomy has been successfully completed, and the two main victims of this debilitating growth – Australia and the Labor Party – are believed to be recovering  well.
Therese Rein and - give me sec, I'll get it  ... Keith, no ..
Kevin, yes, that's it, Kevin ..umm .. Rudd.

Yes, the world's leading ear wax taster is no longer with us in public life, and he, his wife and her $200 million fortune will be winging their way around the world, spending almost as much time overseas as he did when he was in office. And we’re still paying for it, because he’s an ex-PM!

The man whose one irrefutable legacy was his apology to the Stolen Generation, says he would like to set up an Apology Foundation, and he could travel around lecturing. Good idea, Kev, only don’t lecture – apologise for the stolen years you selfishly took away from Australia, and keep apologizing until we’re back on the rails again.

There have been more quotes about this particular departure than there were for the Titantic – there’s an analogy in there somewhere. Some of the most telling were:

Mark Latham

 ‘Quite truthfully, he was a bastard, a vicious egotistical person  … and I think history will be very unkind to him’.
Mark Latham, failed Labor leader and successful head-kicking columnist. Bit of pot and kettle in there.

Mike Carlton

‘The sad truth, and his personal tragedy, is that even Kevin's friends will be relieved he's gone.’
SMH columnist Mike Carlton

Margot Saville
(When Rudd said) ‘Recent statements since the September election have been particularly hurtful, and the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune have hit home' it was a good quote, because in Hamlet, the mad Prince of Denmark spent his adult life seeking revenge on all the people around him for real and imagined wrong.

Margot Saville, political writer

One blogger, Kangaroo Court, went so far as chronicle how Rudd did some behind the scenes fancy footwork to get wife Therese's fledgling business off the ground in 1991/92, when he was head of cabinet in the Goss Government. The ‘Roo thought the manipulation of government contracts and later sway in Canberra was bad enough to characterize the Rudds as the ‘Obeid family’ of the Commonwealth Government. Bit of a stretch, maybe, but with this bloke, who knows?

As one person was taking his leave, another was taking her chair. 

Trick or treat, members?

The Halloween-faced Bronnie Bishop is now the Speaker in the House of Reps. She was welcomed with a backhander from her predecessor. Former labor speaker Anna Burke said Bronnie would have an easier run than she did, ' ... because she won't have to put up with herself'.’ Mark Latham couldn’t have said it better.
But now, like Kevin, zipping on …
The Media Boo Boo of the Week does not, for a change, go to the Daily Astonisher, but to the most unlikely candidate you can imagine – the Weekend Australian Financial Review. The highly respected paper, one of the few to be actually gaining circulation and readership, talks about – there’s a hint in the title – finance, business and ergo, about numbers, dollars, gains and losses.

So quite a few people were bemused with this gaffe in a promotional marketing drive for this august publication.

Unless they've increased the number of weeks in the year, The 'Pie figures that should be not $69 but $41.60. And the non-specific 'less than' is very un-AFR and magnifies the mistake.

On the local scene, the Astonisher is having it’s moments. It even presented us with a little mystery this week in it promotional posters newsagents hang out side their stores. We can usually recognize the trademark hyperbole, like the recent nonsensical Council In Crisis, because Deputy Doo Dah Vern Veitch had quietly pointed out that the mayor’s claim of responsibility for the budget surplus was demonstrably untrue. 

But that was more than a week before this one on last Wednesday or so.

We plunge into unanswerable conjecture at this one.

Not only was the spurious ‘blast’ charge beat-up a week previously, but look down the bottom. 
Grandma? Bloody Grandma? 

As the tiresome yoof of today have taught us to initialize, WTF? And don’t look at The ‘Pie, he hasn’t a clue – just like whomsoever was responsible didn't have a clue. Or a care. It really is becoming a running joke. The irony is that they forgot something - on Remembrance Day, 

Trying for a clever segue into the next subject, here’s a bouncy joke. 

Acronym or virgin goddess?

The Pie has never established if it is true, but since his spotty childhood, the bird has believed that the Australia brassiere manufacturer HESTIA derived its name from the informal in-house slogan, Holds Every Size Tit In Australia. (A chum who went to private school said she and her mates maintained that Egypt stood for Ever Get Your Pussy Tickled, but that's a different matter.)

But Hestia brings us to the Hooter’s saga (see, clever eh?). 

The American-based chain wants to open a franchise in Cannon Park, which was gleefully reported by the Astonisher, the glee deriving from the fact it was a perfect excuse for some tit and bum pics. OK, par for the course.

Then some locals - 400 of them - come along, possibly misled by the paper’s reports of waitresses dressed like they were, hmmm, let’s see, in a tropical city and walking down the street. More glee at the paper, because that protest offered the excuse of the hur-hur-hur yuk-yukkery headline on this front page ….

Holding tits, geddit geddit, snurffle, wheeze? And suitable pics of the hooters that are on hold on the inside story.

Bentley takes a dim view of the wowsers, and thinks it's a whole crock. As usual, he's not wrong.

Then, during the week, this story (those gals again) …

… but it had this opening line.
‘A petition to bring Hooters to Topwnsville has gained almost 400 signatures as residents rally against the public outcry over its development.’

Only the petition urging that Hooters be allowed to go ahead had nothing much to with local residents – is was started by, as the paper put it, 'former Townsville resident Darrell Morris'. 

Now, although the  Astonisher didn’t say so, Mr Morris is, at last report, a suspended public servant who lives in Canberra. He was raised, schooled and ‘JCU’d’ here in Townsville but hasn’t lived here for seven or eight years. And many of the ‘300 signatures’ his on-line petition attracted are apparently from people who don’t live here, either. Not residents. But the Bulletin didn’t bother mentioning that, they just (gleefully) reprinted the girlie pic and rabbited on about the vague arguments for and against. Despite an interview on ABC radio, Mr Morris wasn’t able to coherently explain what his interest was in Hooters coming to Townsville - 'great business for his home town' and 'create hundreds of jobs' (huh?) - , but he’d been mightily miffed by The Magpie’s on-air comment that he could possibly be a spin doctor for Hooters.

Well, he’s not that, but seems to have a lot of time on his hands. 

A search of the web revealed that Mr Morris, a Commonwealth public servant, was suspended recently after a protracted campaign complaining that he was being bullied and passed over for what he believes were deserved promotions and overseas postings in DFAT, all because he identifies as a Liberal supporter. To some, he is a whistleblower with a legitimate complaint and has been victimised, while to senior bureaucrats, he’s an obsessed stirrer and a pain in the arse. It’s an interesting yarn in itself (see a background report here from a conservative online publication).

The Magpie makes no judgment on this issue one way or the other, but believes the background of an out-of-towner with a propensity for activism who wants to urge a certain course of action onto this community is relevant and reportable.

Two more aspects of this matter. There wouldn’t be much of this fuss if it were not for the sensationalist, adjective-ridden beat-up of the story in the first place, and the visual emphasis on the girls in their uniforms.

And the Magpie is no fence sitter on this. 

The Hooters’s restaurant model has been distorted into something one would expect to find in Via Vomitorium, which is nonsense. The irony is that the paper must take some responsibility for whipping up a false image bound to encourage faux indignant outrage i'mothers, hide the kiddies' eyes'), but Hooters is no big deal, no den of sex ,vice and lewd carry on of the ‘cold beer and hot chicks’ variety. For the best summation of The Pie’s view, read these excellent observations with which he totally agrees by (sorry, girls, here comes the kiss of death) Shari Tagliabue and Jessica Johnson in today’s Astonisher.

Now here is something titillating, as mentioned in the comments during the week. Johnny-makers Durex launched a new line of specially wired underwear which allow couples to – ahem – touch each other up while talking on the internet. Very clever, and has one of the best marketing brand names in Fundawear. Check it out here.

Now that is a hoot.  


  1. Why does' t the astonished just have a page three girl and be done with it? Jessica's best assets and she gets the news because of them.

    As for Hooters? Can males apply for the position of waitress too?

  2. Meet your Hooters CEO

    Worth a workout..

    The successful private placement involved the sale of approximately 426,667 units of the Company's common stock at a purchase price of $3.75 per unit.

  3. What a bunch of pathetic fools, including Jessica Johnston.. their investors must be. Imagine someone saying to you:

    Come invest in a risky business segment (a restaurant) of inherently limited appeal at the top of its popularity when the managerial groups of the company at all levels can just walk away from the company any time they want to, walk across the street and compete directly with you.

    Hooters is a trashy (and proud of it) place for money-desperate, relatively good-looking, young women to go to work to make far more money by exhibiting themselves than they could make as mere waitresses. And management is almost all men who will work for less than market rate. It is not an actual strip club, but it is not really an actual restaurant either. [In most places they have to be licensed as "entertainment" establishments to get around normal labor rules.] It has its market niche. But to think that they could change that niche to "family restaurant" is just stupid.''

  4. News Ltd prides itself on titilating reporters… Makes all the difference for viewers. No one crew about house wife mother stories, just swimsuit models from Victoria's Secret like Ms Kerr.

  5. Conan the GrammarianNovember 16, 2013 at 8:51 PM

    Thank you, again, 'Pie, for a most enlightening column; well worth the wait.
    I so enjoyed the pink overalls story that I have taken the diabolical liberty of relaying selected titbits (ooh! Sorry! unintended Hooters' Storm in a D Cup reference there...) via my own page to my friends who have yet to look straight up and witness the 'Pie's light.

    Regarding the HESTIA acronym, I have been told that story several times since 1968, without significant variation, by my auntie who was firstly a HESTIA model and later a TV presenter at Channel 6 Hobart. On balance of probabilities, I'll believe it to be true.

    Getting over the titters and focussing our attention away from matters mammarial, have you seen the SMH story about Anti-Rape Underwear?
    Now there's a story to get one's knickers in a twist.

  6. Anonymous' video on Hooters is worth a look and a laugh. Their slogan? Hooters Being Happiness - yep -for real! And happy the company must be after the Astonisher's stories and opinion pieces. As for research on the Canberra based activist - hell their journos wouldn't have the nous. I read so many stories in national papers re Townsville that don't see light of day in our "local" paper.

  7. Nice one 'Pie; but why not have a Hooters and He-Hooters Restaurant? Cute guys in tiny shorts, with singlets showing off their muscles.... It could be a winner - and this way, there is no sexism as all the wait staff would be looking equally sexy? And the gays in town would love it (an untapped market? Cut me in for 10% if you wish to use my idea...)

  8. On the subject of The Astonisher's promotional posters, recently I've spotted a few that simply say "GET TODAY'S BULLY".
    I suspect they have a supply of these in stock to cover days when there isn't a story worth reading in the " The South's Own Paper".
    I expect to see more of them as more and more staff are cut to protect Rupert's 48% profit margin - and the circulation drops to "who gives a stuff" levels.
    But Rupert and his former golden boy Jason Scott couldn't give a hoot (apologies to Hooters supporters). Local advertisers, including real estate agents and car dealers who should have more brains, continue to pay highly inflated ad rates for an ever diminishing audience without complaint.
    Speaking of Jason "Bottom Line" Scott, did you notice he was overlooked for promotion to the next rung on the News Ltd ladder. To make matters worse, Rupert gave the plum job to - wait for it - a radio executive!!!
    Shock and horror. Surely Rupert hasn't finally woken up to the fact that Jase the Ace, as he used to be known in News Ltd, is the last card in the pack.

    1. Rupert needs a pie… ha! pie??? tee hee

  9. Kevin Rudd has 3 things that should be investigated:
    1) Conflict of interest in insider knowledge in setting up of wife's business with inside information when the Commonwealth Employment Agency finished & private firms such as Therese's started up
    2) Shredding of documents (illegal) when he was head of Premier & Cabinet re the Heiner Commission into abuse in Brisbane boys' homes
    3) Ignoring alerts to problems with roof insulation scheme & then blaming Peter Garrett

  10. Not a good look for the newly Elected ? Director of Townsville Enterprise (last Week) to involved in a lock out and now arrests concerning developement in Flinders St West

    1. Well, hang on, that's a bit of a pre-judgement, which doesn't seem to leave room for the possibility that Honeycombe may have good reason for his stance. In fact, he may be right and other bloke in the wrong, no one knows. Automatically making him the tall poppy bad boy is a bit rash and unfair.

  11. Magpie; I would have thought a Business person in this position would do all they could to avoid having their name plastered all over the front page of the Tsv/B

    1. Oh, no, mate ... the only person with that sort of pull is Rupert ... notice the lack of phone hacking stories in our democratic and ethical Astonisher when the boss was in town ... or any other time for that matter? No, The Pie neither.

      Mr H doesn't have that sort of pull to keep things off the front page, and maybe his advice is that let the publicity rip, because he believes he is in the right. Works for Mayor Mullet (she thinks).

      But the paper is reporting the lock-out/lock-in fairly so far so who knows what the legal ins and outs of this, no one! But if Mr Honeycombe let's say withdrew his advertiising dollars from the paper, there would be a distinct rush to judgement, you betcha. Let you guess which way that would go.

      That's the way with this grubby, cancerous outfit.

  12. Always good, always entertaining.
    Miss Lou.

  13. While we waffle on about the Bully's lack of involvement with matters Townsville - yet another blog - "Daily Review" hits the cybersphere. Owned by the Trade Union SuperFunds, this blog promises to be another weapon in the media assault on the community's mindset.
    People, businesses and community groups should observe these encroachments on our information supply with some trepidition.

    We need a local alternative blog to the Bulletin that reinforces the great efforts of the Magpie. Ideas please!!

  14. Down with developersNovember 19, 2013 at 9:34 AM

    Regardless of who is right or wrong in the current fiasco do we really need another developer on the TEL board?
    I've never seen any developer do anything unless there was some benefit in it for them.
    A handful of developers in this city have way too much sway over what happens.They have obviously got poor little Tony Parsons right where they want him, now they have more power over TEL.
    We the ratepayers are paying for TEL to exist and we should be given more say in who is on the TEL Board. Who hand picks the board members anyway? Anyone know?

    1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  15. Regardless of who is right or wrong in the current fiasco do we really need another developer on the TEL board? I've never seen any developer do anything unless there was some benefit in it for them. A handful of developers in this city have way too much sway over what happens.They have obviously got poor little Tony Parsons right where they want him, now they have more power over TEL. We the ratepayers are paying for TEL to exist and we should be given more say in who is on the TEL Board. Who hand picks the board members anyway? Anyone know?

    1. Hmmm, seems lke a bit of woolly thinking there, DWDev,
      TEL is a membership-based organisation, with the largest contributing member by far being the TCC. The Kipper claims that because it is a membership-based outfit, commercial in confidence closed-door meetings are necessary - which of course is tosh. But the usual processes of nomination and election are followed, so if you feel the way you do - which is OK as far as it goes - stick up your membership dough and stick up your hand.
      And somehow, a sort of politics of envy comes with a lot of these types of comments. Folks like you clearly impute that 'developer' is a dirty word, inherently a baddie in society. That notion is encouraged by some of the rogue's we've had float into town - Craig Gore, the mob who tried to do a questionable deal with the Townsville Yacht Club, and various other quick-buck operators. But people like Honeycombe, Lancini, Webb and Tapiloas live and contribute to this community. Commercial life can be tough and gritty, but it isn't necessarily crooked - and generally ends up benefitting the city in terms of jobs and growth.
      And what's this flapdoodle about 'down with developers' anyway? Someone has be a developer ... so why not try it yourself?
      And please point out to The 'Pie any evidence of Clr Parsnip being either bullied or on the take - happy to print it if you provide it.
      Here, from Merriam Webster are your guidelines:
      evidence |ˈevədəns|
      the available body of facts or information indicating whether a belief or proposition is true or valid : the study finds little evidence of overt discrimination.
      • Law information given personally, drawn from a document, or in the form of material objects, tending or used to establish facts in a legal investigation or admissible as testimony in court : without evidence, they can't bring a charge.

  16. Why does the TB publish V8 girls? Boobs.

  17. Down with developersNovember 19, 2013 at 3:33 PM

    Ok Pie you stick with your rose coloured glasses and I'll stick to my opinion which is based on years of dealing with developers including most of those you name.
    Of that group Webb is the only one I'd turn my back on and feel safe.
    I also note that the developers you are so impressed with are the ones "preferred" by TCC. What the hell does that mean? Have they paid more money under the counter than others who are "not preferred"? If not, how do they get to be "preferred".
    Sorry but if you think Townsville developers are in the game for the benefit of the community you are living in dreamland.
    Have a good look through Honeycombe's track record. Surely you aren't suggesting that building the ugly boxes that Honeycombe calls apartments is contributing to the community.
    Of course there is a place for developers in any city, but the trick is finding ones who are honest.

    1. Re down with Developers Sorry pie i agree 100% with him. Regarding B M Webb A gentleman who never wants credit does more for Townsville those in need thru him food bank in the Bohle (althought i believe Lancini has a setup in Aitkenvale) and never wants any credit for it Some of the others have used their parents money to achieve their own aims but the castles may well tumble.

    2. And what, pray tell, is wrong with using parents money to continue a family's success? Or were they all crooks, too/? Providing what you do is legal, successful succession is surely a laudable human trait since time began.
      And there doesn't seem to be anything to the contrary except a lot of unsubstantiated allegations.

  18. Now, it's Schoolies
    More boob pixs on The Astonisher

  19. In theory, the image of the topless teens published in the Astonisher, is it a form of child porn?

    The caption Schoolies baring all for social media have been warned their antics could end up on the internet. Source: Supplied

    Why would News Ltd publish topless teen porn pixs?

    1. the teens were topless and it was published in News Ltd's website.. I'd say, soft teen porn images for readers to view..

      Shame on you News ltd. Journalists for printing this.

  20. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  21. Watched Cath Wobber this morning on Sunrise… More drunk teen stories…

    Cath is looking more Goldie every month. Gold eye shadow, porn style flicked hair…

  22. I've also noticed, The Atonisher is trying to push Ten's Wake Up with video highlights.

    Ten is part owned by Rupee's son. More branding as it's a flop and boring.

    If you recall, the good photographers in Townsville were submitting great videos that were local.

    This website is like all the other boring news ltd websites.

  23. Our Dear (Opinion) Leader, the Daily Astonisher seems to be edging towards an interesting pickle regarding just which populist boosterism campaign to back - because two issues appear to be heading for a messy head-on.
    The paper has been gallopping along wih the populist push for a super stadium - there's another embarrassing suck-up editorial this morning - without any thoughtful examination of the full ramifications of such a project. Particularly for ratepayers. Such a stadium and convention complex certainly is a great idea, but these things come at a price ... and no mention has been made of what the council's contribution will have to be. The Pie knows one councillor is particularly concerned that this side of the equation needs urgent consideration, because anyone who thinks the council will be on the financial sidelines is kidding themselves. Try several tens of millions of dollars - which will have to be borrowed and serviced in the debt ledger.
    Yet today, a report from AEC shows that Townsville rates are like that Oklahoma skyscraper ' seven stories tall, and that's about as high a building ought to go'.
    Ponying up between $30million to (gasp!) $100million for a super stadium - even if Treasury allows us to borrow the money - will certainly mean an extra percentage or so on any other inevitable rate rise.
    Yet in the same toady article on November 4 (by toyboy Simpo, who else?) in which Mayor Mullet made her deceitfully boastful claim "It's fantastic for the city to bring in a surplus and I am very happy I am the mayor that brought us back into the black," she is also is quoted saying
    "It's important that we balanced the books and continue to keep a lid on council spending ... we didn't take any new borrowings in the (2013-14) Budget and I don't plan to take any major borrowings in the future."
    On top of that soporfic schmoozing to the electorate, she adds that because of (Vern Veitch's) budget surplus, which she actually voted against, she will still try and get a rates freeze and water rebate passed next time around.
    Sounds like an either/or to The Pie.

    Vienna has its boys choir, we have the Townsville Whines Greek chorus, and you can hear them clearing their throats ready to give full voice to their fiscal ignorance and blinkered view of entitlement. Lament laid on with a trowel.
    Gonna be fun to see the ducking and weaving in the paper, as they yet again try to be all things to all people..

  24. After the last Council Election Which had been delayed due to the State Election and also due to the Preparation of 2 sets of Budgets (The Mayors/Townsville First) this meant as you all should recall that a several months delay was caused in sending out Rate Notices. In other words The Council had no or limited income. during this period. The Council applied for a $20. million loan from QTC which was rejected by QTC noting the debt level was too high .A short term loan was arranged by QTC for somewhere between $12-$15. million at a interest rate of 2-3% to tide the Council over...and of course with no income supplyers to the Council and Staff faced the unlikely prospect of not being paid.The total debt level including this loan was around $418-420 Million In view of the fact that QTC would not lend the $20. million requested by the Council indicates that $420. seems to be the limit of the Council for borrowings. So to borrow extensively for a Stadium may be out of the question for the Council.(although of course if the Council is deeded the Stadium it could be regarded as an asset that the Council could borrow against it is also worth noting that the majority of the Council loans to QTC are fixed not variable so of course more interest is payable This short term loan was raised at a Council meeting and i presume is documented If you think what the Council owns around the city they are one of the most viable Councils in Qld although most of the assets cannot be sold to reduce the debt level


    This is the German way … Boob news reading.

  26. For your interesting more boobs on their video at Astonisher

  27. Oh deary, deary me.

    You know you have reached a certain age when you find John N's last post interesting and don't even bother to follow the links to the dirty peektures...

    Nothing to bring out the pirate in me this week, "Pie,

    Except, perhaps, the private job providers' scam that has been perpetuated on the long suffering taxpayer for the last decade or so.

    But wallowing in self-pity and Champix-related discomforts too much to care about nothing really.

  28. Grumpy you never contacted me re the (lovely) Mary Louise Parkers VHS & DVD's


    Pulling stories from everywhere… The golden's bulletin.

    More teen porn for schoolies

  30. ''Willingness to work over a 24 hour, 7 day roster including shift work, weekends and public holidays.''

    This is the catch with a recent Job advertised by news ltd. Not only are you expected to change shifts at the drop of a hat. You are expected not to have any life as rosters are never done properly.

  31. Karma or wot?
    Is Mayor Mullet without a motor? One radio station is reporting her Brisbane-bought red hoon Holden was pinched overnight.
    Trust there's no damage when its found, otherwise, the ratepayers will have to stump up for it being sent back to Brissy for repairs, since the mayor is somewhat averse to local businesses getting the council dollar.

  32. Mayor Mullet won't be able to wear the red jacket