Saturday, November 19, 2011

The Moaning Mullet names the day when she will reveal all, Knuth Kn'oath to face off with a formidable sheila for Dalrymple, and the political backroom boys of all stripes are busier than a one-armed brickie in Beirut.

Look, come back, come back - don't stop reading - the suggestion that Jenny Hill will 'reveal all' is not literal and does not involve any illustration of her doing The Dance of the Seven Army Surplus Blankets.

No, no, it's just that she will be officially stating what she's been telling everybody for the past six months - what, you haven't heard? Psst, she running for mayor - On Tuesday November 29th at The Brewery function room, she will introduce her team - ahem, sorry, Task Force - slogan: Vote For Hill, Together We Will - no sniggering now.  The invite says ' entry donation at the door, or via electronic transfer', which would suggest to all you Jenny-boosting battlers, she is after donations of the crinkling - not tinkling - kind. Dig deep if you're a Mullet mate.

Hmmm, one trusts The Magpie hasn't steered you wrong on this. Because the invitation does say there will be a 15-minute - unspecified - 'performance' before she gives her campaign speech.

Crikey, no, she wouldn't? Or would she? Could be worse, one supposes, it could be Jeff Jimmieson on drums.  

But let's start with some non-political quotes of the week at

The Politically Correct Dingbat quote of the week goes to the twit who took to the airwaves to explain why pre-school youngsters suddenly get sick. The Magpie dropped his breakfast sav blanc when she intoned 'It's because they are around other children who carry germs!'  Remember, we the taxpayer, have footed the bill for her to work this out, folks. 

But it gets better, even if the kid doesn't.  

Apparently, if your little snot stays home from school because the poor ickle dear has the niffles or some such, he isn't at home sick and has locked himself in the bedroom with Dad's purloined copies of Ralph magazine ... no, not at all ...  he is apparently in a ' home-based care setting'. Which makes The Magpie wish he could meet the idiotic author of this twaddle in a Texas Chainsaw Massacre setting.

Then there was the unfortunate, historically-deprived Victorian politician, who suggested that new appointments to the troubled Victorian Police Force would end all the backstabbing, and, The 'Pie quotes, ' in Neville Chamberlain's words, result in peace in our time'. Err, mate, those few little words greatly promoted six years of general unpleasantness now usually abbreviated to WW2.  But given The Magpie's occasional interface with the Victorian constabulary (traffic branch) and their jackboots, perhaps not an entirely inappropriate analogy.

But we must come back to our home climes for Quote of the Week. 

Overheard down at that fount of all wisdom, the Old Codgers' bench outside BiLo, North Ward, when the subject turned to coming political fib-fests for council and state: 'The next six months is going to be like Disneyland - without the rides'. Hawk, spit.

To which another old far .... err .... seasoned observer, offered a judgement from another era, 'They're all as silly as a wet hen anyway', (hawk, spit) an old saw which is probably lost on the latte-sipping urban chardonnay greenies who think chooks are now sheltered from the vagaries of climate change and have a weekly visit to the beak buffer.  And if not, why not? (They are, my little enviro-munchkins - it's called battery farming - about which you daintily rip up your nighties regularly).

But if Disneyland it is, then we have started off in 
** Fantastyland, with Jeff Jimmieson , getting his modest abilities confused with his vaulting ambitions, announcing he will have a run at mayor. You're kidding, you chucklehead. 

** Across in Desperationland, The Moaning Mullet has been stood up by prospective Team Mullet candidates she hoped to woo. First, Jimmieson was up himself enough to spurn her advances as a team member and have a shot at becoming her councillor. At this stage, his mayoral ambitions have almost certainly diminished The Mullet's own mayoral chances by hiving off enough idio-votes to make Dale Last double over, slap his knees in helpless guffawing and test the Walker Street guttering with his tearful tsunami of mirth. Then, speaking of silly wet hens, Sandra Chesney came up with her bid for the 'Huh, What's That Again?'  politically dopey quote when she denied she was on Team Mullet by declaring 'I support Jenny Hill but I'm not on her team, I'm an independent'.  Good, dear, now go and have a little lie down. In light of your last outing on Mooney's Team Titanic, you have just proved George Bernard Shaw's maxim that the only thing we learn from history is that we don't learn from history. Please note, Mullet mon independent chere.  

** Over in Makebelieveland, Labor has been playing silly buggers with a very selective specially-commissioned poll supposedly showing a divide-and-conquer edge for The Mad Katter's Cut Snake Party - albeit the polling done in a corner of Katter-held federal territory where, come every election time, dang, they regularly hobble down from the wooded uplands, banjos slung across their backs, to mark their X for Billy-Bob? Considering where the poll came from, we must paraphrase Mandy Rice-Davies' maxim from all those years ago ' Well, they would say that, wouldn't they?' 

**And speaking of Billy-Bob, out in Frontierland,  where 'men are men and no poofs allowed', Shane 'Kn-oath' Knuth,- now a Cut Snake Party convert - will be taking on what he probably believes to be a 'real purrty little country lady,' for the Charlies Trousers-based seat of Dalrymple. Tomorrow, Sunday, one Liz Schmidt looks sure to be endorsed as the LNP candidate for Dalrymple.
Who? you cry, as you lazily scratch at unseemly places.

Well, the following was written with a political 'thumbnail dipped in tar' by an LNP insider, and since The Magpie has not had the pleasure of 'makin' the little lady's acquaintance', take it how you like.
'Liz has been in livestock transport for 33 years, and has spent 30 of those years in senior leadership roles in national and state industry associations. She is well known in the bush, and has been a continuing powerful advocate for her industry and her customers.'
A somewhat vague endorsement, so one trusts our Liz is not actually a cattle duffer (well, we did make a hero out of Ned Kelly, who unfortunately is unavailable for pre-selection). Our informant then gets a little spin-fully peevish - and hopeful - when he adds:' While Shane has been has been generally liked as a member, his electorate are (sic) angry he has jumped ship, because they see the potential for another mess just like what (sic) happened with the independents in Canberra.'  

The foregoing English lays to rest any LNP claim to be the educated elite.

But ... arghhh ... all that triggers a ghastly thought, a sort of 'Nightmare On Walker Street'.
That old warhorse, Sandra Chesney, who looks like she will give the northern beaches a miss under the ward divide-up and run against Tony Parsons and The Mullet's yet to be anointed acolyte out Mt Low way, could just get up. While it's a bit improbable (because Tony Parsnip should get home in an area where here are plenty of other vegetables to vote for him), if it happens, how do you like this idea? 

Sandra Chesney gets the balance of power, and becomes the de facto leader of the Townsville City Council

As The 'Pie said before '....AAAARRRGH'.

Enough Goofiness for now, it is away to Poseurs' Bar, where the old bird will be-bubble a suitable lass, and, Disneyland or not, will seek a suitable ride featuring, as the Cockneys say, a Donald Duck.   


  1. So Paul(labour party) Jacob wasn't aware for months that his wife had sent a resignation email from him to the labour party, 'cause he really didn't mean to resign!!! So Jeff (labour party) Jimmieson MAY form an alliance with the senile (labour party) watch group and Jenny (labour party) Mullet Hill will run as an independent? with a labour party, oops, suddenly independent "team". Sandra (unsure which party at present, been in 'em all)) Chesney is standing as an independent???? How could you vote for any of that lot????

  2. i'm a mullet fan, and i'll be crinkling away on the 29th. were you invited magpie? ;-)

  3. Alas, it seems mysteriously not, but The 'Pie understands why you remained anonymous. He also knows that his spies - ie half the local Labor Party and those who can speak understandable English at the South Townsville branch - will be there. The Brewery is an excellent venue upstairs, but an unusual one for this event . see, they don't have stackable chairs.