Saturday, September 7, 2013

Brace yourself, Australia, you’re about to have a KRuddectomy … you'll be up and about in no time.. And for once, The Magpie condones that most un-Australian of low acts known as Sinking The Slipper.

Also The Magpie reveals where his vote went, and why.

But believe it or not, there has been life still going on outside this interminable sideshow.

Herein the ‘Ville, the new town plan is up for scrutiny …

…. and is Mayor Mullet turning the traditional tables and promoting a ‘girls club’ power base?

All that and other things that caught the beady eye this week at

As The Magpie was standing in line to vote, swapping notes and comparing baseball bats with others in the queue (The ‘Pie rather liked the one  emblazoned ‘Tony’s Suppository For Rudd’), his mind went to the highlights of this grimly unfunny laugh fest of the past few weeks.

Is it just The Pie, or is this the most embarrassing look for KRudd - and Australia?

As the darkness started to descend on KRudd a few days ago, he managed the quote of the week.

‘I’ve been in tougher spots than this before, but I’ve always come from behind.’

Yeah, doesn’t Julia Gillard know it. She thanks you for the return of her cutlery. And our man refused to answer the obvious media question that followed, to wit ‘What spots have been tougher than losing the Prime Ministership, your political career and the respect of the nation?’

But if the writing was on the wall, the evidence was also on the bookshelves in the PM’s office, when KRudd was trying to play grown-ups with a call to Bazza Obama about Syria. 

'Kevin Rudd for the President. R-U-D-D. What? Australia. OK I'll hold.'

Note in the background the empty shelves. Packing up had already started, it seems. Going somewhere Kevvy, and not telling us? His minders couldn’t even get a sympathetic photo shoot right.

The Rudd campaign had an even more unfortunate image, which typifies the shambolic nature of the whole exercise and made him look like Callous Kev, even laughing about 'sleeping rough' when his team didn't have the nous to divert his morning walk.

But that was about par for the course for the Labor campaign, perhaps best typified by an attack ad about education reforms.
The vision had some little snot looking woebegone in a harsh spotlight, the voice-over at one stage gravely intoning that the Coalition’s dastardly plans ‘will mean bigger classes, less teachers, less support staff, less programs’.

 Umm, ‘scusi chaps, but wouldn’t that be ‘fewer classes, fewer teachers, less support staff, fewer programs’? ‘Less’ being for quantity, ‘fewer’ for numbers, if memory serves? 

But the ad ploughed on with this gem, boasting that under Labor ‘…every single Australian school is getting the funding they need.’ Hmmm, shouldn’t ‘they’ be ‘it’? Hope our kids am going to be tort betterer than that.

Oh, well, one is safe to assume that there will be less ads from this single agency, which is what ‘they’ deserve. See that risible debacle here.

Mind you, the other mob had their moments, especially with Jamie Diaz and his inability to answer the campaigning 101 question in a soft interview.
Jayme's mum apparently had trouble with Biblical christian names.

He could not name the six points he said the Libs had to stop the boats. How embarrassment, as Effie says, but it was much to the clever glee of other, who produced this poster.

(A digression: how confusement, when KRudd suggested the navy leave Sydney. A furious NSW Premier Barry O'Farrell promptly started a mini campaign he called 'Keep The Boats.) 

Cartoonists have had a field day. A sampling of same from the inimitable Larry Pickering …

Labor's election night bash.
....and this 

Amen to that.

.... and

And his mate, Paul Zanetti, had a look at another fairyland hopeful.

Gotta love the shoes!

Wingnut Abbott and Joe Hockey had two of the best quotes of the week. 

First, Abbott on Syria. 

"We've got a civil war going on in that benighted country between two pretty unsavoury sides. It's not goodies versus baddies - it's baddies versus baddies."

The Pie will bet that cut straight through to a core concern of the average voter, and one which rightly or wrongly reflected the basic belief of most Australians in relation all Middle East matters.

'We get our foreign aid money from where?'

And then Jolly Joe Hockey announced that foreign aid was being cut by $4.5billion to fund roads here in Australia. Explaining it in the most straightforward terms, Hockey made the best common sense statement of the past six years.

‘We can’t continue to fund a massive increase in foreign aid at the expense of investment in the Australian economy,"

He also said in a subsequent TV interview that Australia was actually borrowing its foreign aid money overseas, and then exporting back out again, still paying interest. Which is a funny way to fly an aeroplane, but then, a plane with only a left wing is going to do funny things.

In the end, a campaign-weary Age newspaper signalled an imminent return to the real issues of life.

But the most astounding idea, one for fiscal improvement, came from our own (quite literally) Lady Gaga aka the demented Gina Rinehart.
This 'lady' really is gaga.

She displayed her deep understanding of egalitarianism and criminal deterrence when she said
‘Let (prisoners) pay to get out of prison or not enter prison (a new source of revenue), and let them be part of the taxpaying workforce.’ 
Maybe the Mafia will lend us their blueprint for similar schemes that they have been successfully operating for centuries. Brown paper bag futures will skyrocket on the stock exchange.

Bentley has treated the political hoopla with the disdain it probably deserves. He was more concerned with the massive crackdown on criminal activity on public transport in Sydney. Scores of arrests have nabbed all sorts of naughtiness, from fare evaders, concealed weapons to drug peddlers. But, cries our anguished doodler, where will it all end?

On the local scene, what’s this The Pie hears? Several MagpieFoners have suggested that Mayor Mullet is showing a very strong bias towards The Fire womens basketball team at the expense of the Crocs. It’s been suggested that she has been actively discouraging certain invitees from joining the Crocs Board, suggesting these particular Crocs will only be good for handbags soon. Some callers rang to ask why the $80,000 the council has agreed to give the Crocs was delayed until just a couple of days ago, when all the required bank deposits and other conditions had been met some time ago. Is something afoot? Maybe Mayor Mullet wants a ‘girls club’ to rival the legendary ‘old boys club’ among the movers and wankers around the place.


The new city plan, four years in the making to cover the amalgamated areas of Thuringowa and Townsville was released to the public this week, and the leading spruikers for Townsville Whines went into overdrive. The main issue causing the more excitable to bespoil their dainties was the proposal to lift height restrictions along the Strand and in North Ward generally. There’s been a nice old barney in this blog's comments section this week about that, but the other issue that will get self-interested sectional interests out in force (including our favourite buffoon, Ewen Jones) is that proposed Pinnacles development near Ross Dam.

The council has refused to allow the area proposed for a satellite town into the city’s development footprint. You can expect a lot of southern-funded vitriol from wounded wallets (especially the chook people Steggles, who are the money behind the proposal), but here in a nutshell is why the council believes it is protecting ALL ratepayers by its refusal.

This shows the cost per lot per year for basic council services, a cost the council says will be spread across ALL Townsville ratepayers. On top of that, The ‘Pie is told one reason for that massive cost difference is that the nearest point to hook the area up to water and sewerage is 12kms away, on Dalrymple Road. Hoh boy, cover the kiddies' ears, mum, the air is about to turn blue, you can bet on it.

Other matters.

If Labor was having a problem with its ads, it’s nothing to the furore one has caused in South America. It has been dubbed the ’cruelest prank ad ever made’. The ‘Pie has a life-long abhorrence of practical jokes, and there is surely some case for emotional damages in this one. The makers are lucky someone didn't have a heart attack. there should be a boycott of the product at the very least.

Enough now, it is away to Poseurs Bar where the old bird will bebubble a suitable companion and explain why he voted for the Sex Party – they offered him free samples, and that gave a whole new twist to ‘sausage sizzle’. 


  1. Has anyone else had the ALP hacking into their Facebook pages? I looked at my Facebook last night and found labor had made itself my friend, considering I have never been to any labor pages, I can only assume they are using hackers to install themselves into my life. Sort of things I'd expect from the greens!

    1. From one anonymous to another, get over yourself. Hackers, ffs! Your not that important. Pie, do you really have to post this crap?

    2. So the labor party doesn't want it's dirty tricks made public! Pfst to you too. And yes, I am important, so is my right to privacy. So anonymous, don't try to have me sensored, I will have my say!

    3. Anon#1 I think that Anon#2 used ffs as a TLA (Three Letter Acronym) meaning "for f**k's sake"

      Anon#2 - I also got a strange friend status from Krudd. I took some pleasure in "unfriending" him. The ultimate Decree Absolute of a relationship, according to the young 'uns.

      Anon#1 - you value privacy, yet use Facebook? ffs

  2. Oh Dear - The unfairness of it all - favouring the winning womens over the dud blokes basketball - it's ok boys after a couple of hundred years of this discrimination, women will be even and then you can have all the money, media and attention again - a bit like the pre swimming at the Olympics with the Boys getting all the attention and interrupting the women's sleep on Stillnox - when they started losing and the women winning suddenly the attention was on the women - even if it was just out of desperation because there were no boys to cheer!!! Get over it.

  3. As I was handing out the how to vote cards today (Election day) at the Arcadia Bowling Club on Magnetic Island, (for the Labor Party), one of the elderly residents told me how nice it was that Tony Abbott had endorsed the use of suppositories... I am still wondering if the old lady I conversed with is 'having me on' or really thinks Mr Abbott is a pain in the arse? Just saying...

    1. I guess there shall be for you no roots of relish sweet, honey wild, or manna dew, my Belle Dame

  4. The Sex Party? Rings a bell...
    What happens there one mustn't tell.
    They're nothing new, and so I'm told
    We're all the go in days of old.

  5. Conan the GrammarianSeptember 7, 2013 at 6:00 PM

    'Pie, you're going a bit hard re that Chilean job interview / LG 84" TV prank. It reminded me of some job interviews in my lifetime; praying for the end of the world to stem the flow of Mission Statement drivel from the interviewer.

    I wonder if KRudd will be going for any, in agencies other than his wife's?

  6. Can we have a comment on the Proposed City plan Including the Pinnacles (i understand one of their members lives in the Upper Ross) Just facts please Jacob no whining.

  7. Can understand Mayor Mullet being reluctant to hand over ratepayers funds to the Crocs when their budget is based on things like selling every vip box.
    In the words of The Castle "tell 'em they're dreamin"

  8. Bronwyn Walkers credibility has been destroyed forever.

    For two weeks she has been saying in the media that the Katter Party was not giving its preferences to the ALP. She relied on the dual How to Vote card in Herbert that gave voters the choice to give their preference to either the ALP or the Coalition. What she did not say was voting above the line on the Senate ballot paper gave the voters preference to Labor.

    However on election day her workers on the three Upper Ross booths and on Kirwan State School were seen handing out a Katter HTV with a single recommendation that only gave the preference to the ALP.

    Why would KAP hand out dual HTV cards on some booths and a single preference HTV on others? Because Katter is mad? Anyway no one will ever believe Bronwyn again.

    1. And at long last Katter is now all but irrelevant ... everyone knows a joke that is too long gets tedious and is a turn-off.

      So is a gurgling, squeaking, giggling retirement speech around the cornert?

    2. Considering the LNP lied about a preference deal at the so called breakfast debate between the LNP and Labor im not suprised this happened. One dirty trick after the other! Anything hey Ewan?

  9. The Townsville Taipan on Facebook is giving you a bit of a plucking! But you've been plucked before.

    1. Ah, fame at last!

      The Pie isn't too au fait with Facebook ... want to point the old bird in the direction thereof, pls?

      PS Was it a Cut Snake?

  10. Not Grumpy this weekSeptember 9, 2013 at 8:37 AM

    Ungracious, churlish, disrespectful – just a few adjectives to describe the most bizarre concession speeches ever to be seen.

    Playing to an audience that looked and sounded like a Wiggles fan club overdosed on red cordial, Rudd was at his narcissistic best. His years of treachery and constant scheming followed by a shambolic and farcical campaign resulted in the lowest Labor vote in 70 years. Waving his arms about in a particularly weird and unnatural way, he ranted for 24 minutes about himself and just what a good job he had done. Just how disassociated with reality is that man?

    Yeah, Rudd may have saved the sofa and the microwave, but to hear him on Saturday night, you would think that he raced into the burning house and single-handedly rescued mum, dad, the kids and the bloody cat.

    How lucky are we to be shot of that egotistical psychopath?

    How unlucky will we be to get Shorten? The type of bloke who has a Maroons and Blues footy jumper in his cupboard and waits until the end of the match to put one on. How’s the wife and kids, Bill?

  11. A quirky witty blog! Thanks.


    Today, an Astonisher story about how Townsville now has a direct line to Canberra with the re-election of Dumbo Jones - at best a tenuous reason for celebration - and civic leaders all saying they are confident major projects up here would go ahead - BUT IN THE WHOLE STORY, NOT A SINGLE MENTION OF THE BULLETIN'S SUPER STADIUM HOBBY HORSE!!

    Oh, frabjus day

    But Astonisher reporter David Sparkes no doubt faces the awesome (ha!) wrath of Iditor Lachal Heywood, who probably left the office early, it being a Sunday an' all. If he was in there at all. Watch out, Dave, you're in for a furious squeaking.

    See what happens when you leave a half-way competent journalist to stick with what his interviewees say, and leave the spin out.

    1. Heywood obviously wasn't in the office yesterday, judging by the editorial on the website - which was written on Friday.

      This sunny Monday morn, you open your web edition and rush to the editorial (we all do, don't we?) and the read the opening lines

      'COME Sunday morning, Australia is almost certain to have a new government. This is unlikely to surprise many voters.'

      But your few readers will be surprised that they are reading an editorial written last Friday in a paper that honks on and on about having it's finger on the pulse.

      Seems Lachlan Heywood has his whole hand on something, and while it may be throbbing, it ain't his pulse.

    2. Hi Pie,

      Take a look at the Astonisher's Monday website. It's so drab and useless.

      For example, 144 words were used by Emily McFarm gal for her "Festival offers taste Sensation for city" story. Not even a small picture for readers?

      Always Good and Always Entertaining.

      Miss Lou.

    3. I would not be surprised if the images were taken last year and photoshoped.......

      I didn't vote for the Pirate party either.

  13. Well if this election has proved anything,its that I don't know bugger all when it comes to politics. But I am thinking of signing up to the pirate party, I could do with a good arrrrrrgh every now and then,and I think Grumpy would too.

    1. Shiver me timbers.

      You talking to me or my parrot?

  14. I see Labor heavyweights are calling on KRudd to retire from politics. Fat chance of that happening, in the short term at least. He'll hang around like a bad smell until he can pick up an overseas posting as an incentive for him to bugger off.
    Could I suggest he be offered the plum job as Ambassador to Syria?

    1. Hey good idea, kinda fits ... sending an insavoury maddie to talk to the unsavoury baddie ... Yeah.

  15. Interesting timing of the story in today's Bully re Free TV (free to air channels)wanting adult TV when it suits them and in kids' time. And it seems timing is everything for releasing information to the media - imagine the political gnashing of teeth reacting to Joe Voter if this was broached during the campaign! Free TV would not have had a leg to stand on. But now ....well that's another story!

  16. Pie as mentioned in a recent post did you check out the Townsville Taipan Facebook site? This is the link:

    Seems the Taipan has a Magpie in a death crush! Thankfully I'm sure it's not you! An interesting read too

  17. More negative and insipid comments from (Cliff) Jacob in letters to the Editor T/B 11 Sep. Other than attending the 10 min special Council meeting he was no where to be seen at Meeting at the Civic Centre or The Breakfast event Yesterday hosted by the Planning Institute of Australia. Why does the T/Bully patronise this idiot

  18. David Moyle to join the P U P Party ? Well he's been everywhere else

  19. So much for democracy, and any committment to accountability.

    In an astounding statement, Townsville Hospital Board chairman John Bearne has made an extraordinary response to the state opposition's questioning of the appointment of Townsville Hospital CEO Julia Squire. Talk about overstepping the mark. His defence of his CEO is itself a partisan political 'attack'.

    Ms Squire has what could best be termed a chequered history in Britain's National Health Service, (pointed out by The Magpie many months ago), where she was forced to stand down leaving more than a $34 million deficit. There are two sides to every story, and Ms Squire may well have suffered from 'selective reporting' in p;arliament, and maybe did undergo adequate background checks to get the Townsville job. In fact, Chairman John addresses this in his statement.

    And if he had left it at that, there wouldn't be a problem, indeed it would've been - albeit a self-serving one - an eloquent and compelling refutation of the opposition's claims.

    read the statement here

    But as always, there is a step too far, and his statements in defence Ms Squire had a subtext which is way out of line in a couple of crucial aspects.

    First, being an LNP appointee, he not surprisingly takes a partisan view of how parliamentary democracy should work, and challenges the right of the state opposition to do their job, that of questioning various matters of public interest. Chairman John has used words (on ABC Radio) like 'unprovoked', 'disgusting' and 'not on'. But above all, he characterises the opposition questions as 'a personal attack'. He couldn't have bleated it better had he been sitting on the government plush in Brisbane.

    Personal? Here's a newsflash, Dear Chairman.

    Ms Squire is paid very handsomely out of the public purse, and therefore her track record is a valid subject for examination. In no way did the opposition attack Ms Squire 'personally' and although perhaps lying by the sin of ommision, looked at her professional background only. In no way that The Magpie can find, was there any denigratio or comment about Julia Squire, the wife, mother and private person.

    Second, Chairman John suggests the opposition should not of drawn on 'ageing information of questionable origin'.

    Questionable orgin? Well, as a former Pommy, John, you will appreciate the high standing of both the BBC News and that of the respected industry magazine the Health Services Journal. They will be most interested to know that you suggest they are peddling 'questionable' information. Have a look for yourself, before penning a nice little letter of apology.


    And one will bet you hope 'ageing' information is ruled out of order, just in case some nosey parker decides to exam your own performance at Townsville Enterprise and the Jezzine Trust.

    Which brings The Pie to his final point. Perhaps it's a small error of communication judgement, but repeatedly using the familiarity of 'Julia' to describe your CEO in a matter like this is undignified, and as they say back in your home country 'poor form' at the very least.

    But then, Chairman John, there are those who keep telling The Pie that you have a track record of being 'chummy' with some of your previous female staff?

  20. Magpie you neglected to mention the Problem with the Fire Warning System at the RSL Stadium That (TCS - John Bearne at the time was the Owner) Built.. Who nominated him for a return position as a board member at Townsville Enterprise, He was not at the AGM when he was nominated;;

    1. No, John N, he wasn't at the TEL AGM; as The Magpie reported at the time, he was at Michel's, celebrating his partner's birthday. Skipping an AGM for personal reasons when you know you're nominated for and will accept a position is a matter of public interest (and arrogance, since TEL still manage to con the council into a $700,000 ratepayer donation for the Dudley Do-Nothings).

      And the Fire matter was also reported at the relevant time.

  21. To JOHN N.

    In answer to your unpublished comment, John N, the answer is yes, but the said person, professionally well qualified, had the job at the hospital well before Chairman John was appointed.

    What point are to trying to make?

    The reason the comment wasn't published is because there is no community interest in the issue, especially since the chairman didn't have any input into the appointment. Sorry, John N, but that's straying into non-Magpie personal (and therefore irrelevant) territory.

  22. Dave Jensen of CurrajongSeptember 11, 2013 at 3:23 PM

    I'm no fan of Cliff Jacob, but I feel a couple of points should be made regarding the attack on his right to have a letter published in The Astonisher:
    - first, at least he uses his real name and doesn't hide cowardly behind the name Anonymous
    - second, he is expressing the views of the majority of Townsville residents, who don't want The Strand to go to five storeys
    So come on Anonymous, come out from behind the bushes and tell us who you are.
    I'm betting you are Tony Parsons, or one of his developer mates.

    1. "The majority" Wow - somewhat a little less overstated than the "99.9%" our Very Disturbed Ratepayer would have had us believe.

  23. Well said Magpie re Bearne's letter/response. It clearly show he lacks corporate experience despite his TEL showing. A professional and experienced Chair would never have entered the political debate and his/her response would be high level and apolitical. As for Mr Bearne's time at TEL - he had his desk smack bang in the middle of the staff and micro-managed them and everyone else. That's why the last CEO left along with other senior managers and also because of the chummy bit you mentioned previously I hear.

  24. Credit where credit is due, so The 'Pie must salute the Daily Astonisher aka the Townsville Bulletin for its editorial consistency. After all, we want the opinion leader in our community to stay 'on message' as they say, and not confuse us by being all over the place.

    So The Pie applaudes today's story about an apparently mildly deranged publicity seeking graffiti artist, a story in which the paper follows its well-established policy of attempting to make criminals into misunderstood heroes The Bulletin has afforded this middle-aged idiot the full sympathetic treatment about his clumsy and childish scrawlings on white water pipes running beside the Bruce Highway at Yabulu. This dingbat claims his work is 'art' and 'freedom of expression', and apparently shares the paper's inability to distinguish credence from crap. Besides, said bullsh#t artist says he intends to plead guilty anyway, and thinks he will be allowed to use the court (and presumably the Bulletin) as a stage on which to peddle is fruitcake ideas about using public property as a billboard for private views. The 'Pie guesses the magistrate will have other ideas .... hope he gets Peter Smid or Ross Mack.

    Keep this matter in mind when the Astonisher next starts hyperventilating about the scrouge of graffiti across 'its' city.

    But then again, the bloke is a southern blow-in from the Gold Coast who 'just had an urge' to be anti-social and do damage in the community. So maybe the story was done out of sympathy of the similiar policy of the Townsville Bulletin's iditor.

  25. Harumph!!

    Come the Revolution and The 'Pie is the boss, one of his first edicts will be to ban the improper use of the 'icon'. The word's lazy and jingoistic use which is so immature and almost always inappropriate, has infected just about every media outlet and PR spinners in our fair city.

    Perhaps you can get away with Castle Hill being iconic ....

    ie 'a person or thing regarded as a representative symbol of something'

    .... but everything around here, from Pricey's nose to - God 'elp us, guv - the new cruise ship terminal - is iconic.

    What stirred the old bird to keyboard action was a release from the Townsville City Counil describing the hundred-year old bandstand in Anzac Park as 'iconic'. A bloody bandstand is 'a representative symbol' of Townsville?

    Oh, mosty certainly, the talk is of little else in the bars of New York, the bordellos of Spain, London's elite clubs and around the campfires in Mongolian yurts. The Townsville bandstand will no doubt soon feature in an episode of Simpson's, and will receive a message from the Queen on its centenary.

    Just to emphasise the cavalier use of the word, the TCC release describes the bandstand as an 'understated' icon, which sounds very like an oxymoron - by their very nature, icons are exactly the opposite.

    Of course, there is another dictionary meaning for 'icon' ie ....,

    'a painting of Jesus Christ or another holy figure, typically in a traditional style on wood, venerated and used as an aid to devotion' .... but this cannot apply to Townsville since Tony His Radiance Mooney left his presidency (which other annoying citizens insisted in calling the 'mayoralty'.)

  26. Bearne must have some really embarrassing photos of Liberal Party heavyweights and Townsville powerbrokers. Everyone knows why he got the boot from TEL - even that hopeless waste of ratepayers money couldn't condone the things he was getting up to! His appointment as chair of the hospital board should have set alarm bells ringing because he doesn't appear to have been a success at anything he has done in Townsville. So come on Mr Bearne, show us those photos.

  27. Sunday 15 Sept Seymour (Vic) race 6 # 4 Clinton Affair By Snitzel from Watch My Lips