What was she thinking ... a classic brain-fade from Townsville Enterprise – but it’s no laughing matter.

Kid Crisafulli startles some Townsville’s be-wigged bigwigs …

Did the Townsville Bulletin know of a massive criminal activity but didn’t report it because the culprit was a big corporate advertiser – or is it just dangerous ignorance of language …

A no-holds-barred round-up of the Gold Coast’s rorting mayor Tom Tate … (mostly a link you can open or not) ....

And the cruelty of parents … a name or two that makes you wonder about that, all here in the nest at www.townsvillemagpie.com.au.

That dull clunking, whooshing sound you heard around town was the collective dropping of jaws followed by a sharp intake of breath while reading the gauche and damaging remarks about Townsville – from someone who is paid to boost tourism about the place!

TEL's tourism spokeswoman Patricia O'Callaghan

The Magpie not so long ago described Townsville Enterprise’s Tourism waffler Patricia  O’Callghan as ‘one of the better performing turbines in the wind farm that is Townsville Enterprise’.

A great man once said ‘I change my mind when circumstances change,’ and so it is with The ‘Pie’s judgment on Ms O’Callghan.

The following pains the old bird, because Ms O'Callaghan is universally liked personally around the place, and is said to be a nice individual, but, sorry, darlin', business is business.

In an astoundingly naïve interview with the Courier Mail - her  comments are halfway down the story - Ms O’Callaghan's turbine appears to have stripped some cogs and momentarily seized up.

The paper’s article was a great opportunity to boost the city’s profile for state-wide readers, based on singer Adam Brand moving here because he loves the place. Perhaps he waxed lyrical about the local charms a tad much, comparing them to the Maldives, where one assumes he’s never been if that’s his assessment.

But rather that than Ms O’Callaghan’s quoted remarks, which followed on  Mr Brand’s gushing word picture. The story said: 

Despite these attractions, Tourism & Events Townsville Enterprise general manager Patricia O'Callaghan said Townsville has suffered from a reputation as a boring place - earning it the unwanted nickname "Brownsville".

"People's perception was that tumbleweed rolled down the street and we all went about in a horse and cart," she said.

She then said it was actually a you-beaut place. But all too late.

Readers won’t remember the tense or the overall sense, but will automatically recall the words ‘boring’ ‘Brownsville’, ’tumbleweed’ and ‘horse and cart’.

That was not only ill-advised, but professionally ill-informed by a supposed media expert, and at a stroke, dismissed two decades of dedicated slog – particularly by Tony Mooney and the greening of Townsville program, as well as the population generally – to relegate the hated nickname Brownsville to the history books.

And this from the person we pay to get people to come here. 

To compound her immature media warbling, Ms O’Callaghan then made some lukewarm remarks along the lines of begging people heading to Cairns and the Whitsundays to spend a few days here as well.  Made it sound like a chore for them and a favour to us. Very undignified, and not much of a marketing ploy, anyway.

Any defence that it was the reporter’s selective quoting doesn’t wash, because a tourism spokesperson for this place should NEVER have brought up that massive negative and outback imagery at ANY time, for any reason.

Just plain bloody dopey, and it’s left a lot of people muttering about peanuts and monkeys. The damage is done, the massive negative is out there state-wide. 

But like dead fish, (a kipper perhaps?) the rot at TEL sets in at the head.

The Kipper - smoked?

Ms O’Callaghan’s massive misjudgment came on the heels of  David ‘The Rorting Kipper’ Kippin’s limp-wristed effort on the TV news last night. 

Christ, this bloke bullshits about everything under the sun, but when it comes time to say some positive words about some actual real and good news for the town – in this case, the sale of Jupiters to an Aussie hotel company, with promises of wonderful upgrades and so on – The Kipper was more like a bunny caught in the headlights. Looking mildly confused and seemingly caught offguard by the fairly obvious question of what this meant for Townsville, he mumbled that he  didn’t really know, but it might get some more Asian people to visit. Ya reckon, Denozzo?

Really, The ‘Pie reckons it is now time for a push by the council to take back some of the vital functions that this Dudley Do-Nothing crowd are handling with all the panache of one-armed cement truck driver with hives. 

The budget is already there to handle visitors, conventions and tourism promotion, in the form of the $700,000 of ratepayers hard-earned that we give to these galoots each year. We’d probably get change out of that, the council unit wouldn’t be trying to be all things to all people all up and down the coast and out west, and there would be better supervision of staff , which means no one, including Ms O'Callaghan, need lose their jobs. And that council unit would be far more transparent and accountable than the Kipper’s mob are, or ever have, been. 

And The ‘Pie isn’t the only one to thinks that it’s high time that this idea was acted on by responsible councillors if they really have the ratepayers interests at heart.

Otherwise, TEL will undoubtedly be a major campaign issue come the next council election.

Other matters.

Another under-performing group at the moment is the hapless Crocs basketball beanpoles. Adding insult to the injury of their seventh straight loss, the Crocs got a 13 point toweling from their northern rivals, the Cairns Taipans last night.

This reinforced the message that if typical Townsville fair-weather crowds keep falling away because of poor results, the Crocs will be deemed crocks by the NBL, and be tossed out. Or their backers will fold their tent for them.

And that would be a shame, having a national sporting team of any sort can only be good for Townsville. Bentley thinks so too, and his eloquent pen seeks supporters to rally round.

An endangered species?

It is rare that Kid Crisafulli makes a political misstep, let alone, as the Yanks say, misspeaks. But there are quite a few legal bods around town whose jaws were also dropping when The Kid, as acting Attorney-General, spoke at the installation of a new magistrate for Townsville.

The ‘Pie wasn’t there, but he is very reliably told The Kid was talking about sentencing when he said that victims wanted magistrates to deal out ‘vengeance and retribution’. They may well do, but that's why there are age-old checks and balances in sentencing. But the victims view was one which Mr Crisafulli  appeared to endorse.

It has been pointed out by more than one legal entity in attendance said that at a stroke, The Kid arbitrarily chucked out more than 100 years of judicial sentencing rules. Vengeance per se is specifically ruled out of sentencing considerations, which at all levels have always been based on punishment, deterrence to the offender and like minded persons,  the age of the offender and the prospects of rehabilitation. That is one reason way The Pie is betting that the more extreme fascist elements of the bikie laws will be chucked out in ten seconds flat by the High Court.

Oh, well, The Kid was only acting in the AG role. He can now get back to the job he has been doing quite well until now, that of keeping his head below the political parapet, waiting for his dictator to fall over. Premier Crisafulli – the words fill some whiffleheads with dread, but we could do a lot worse. Well, actually, we are. And Premier Seeney? (arrrgh … shudder).

A couple of rib-tickling quotes from the Daily Astonisher this week. In fact, The ‘Pie laughed so hard, tears of mirth were running down his legs (well, he is getting old).

Daniel ‘Master’ Bateman, in a mildly interesting but poorly argued column about people taking offence at things, wrote a couple of inadvertent home truths about the Astonisher.

Daniel Master Bateman ... trust this blog doesn't offend you, mate.
And if it does, well, to quote you, 'so f..king what?'

Master Bateman opined that if anyone was offended by David Koch and some silly pole dancing stunt on Sunrise, there was an easy answer. Quoth he:

‘It was a stupid joke. Nothing more, nothing less. If it insulted your sensibilities, there is a simple solution: don't watch Sunrise.’

  

That may be sound advice but our boyo failed to see the rich irony, in that his description and remedy is EXACTLY what the readers of the Townsville Bulletin are doing – rather than complain, they’ve simply stopped reading the paper – in their thousands.

Then he had this startling insight, to which he was also blinded to the fact that it is almost a perfect description of his paper’s editorial policy.

This attitude of whingeing about everything, no matter how minor, fortunately is not the product of an increasingly conservative society.

We enjoy searching for controversy, even in areas where it doesn't exist.

You said it, mate. Are you Rupert's love child?

But wait, there’s another little gem in there, when the Oracle of the Astonisher ponderously advised us that

If you ignore something for long enough, eventually it will go away and no longer become a problem.

Umm, really?

Will you be putting that in the next story about a ‘brave and inspirational’ toddler with cancer or maybe a burns victim?  Or if Lendl Ryan finds he has an embarrassingly moist and stinging problem of a personal nature in sensitive area before his upcoming nuptials, that he should just ignore it because it will ‘eventually go away’? Or could this be advice to your colleagues on how to handle Ann ‘Attila The Hen’ Roebuck, the Astonisher’s resident workplace psychopath? Ignore her at your peril, pal.

But, dunno, maybe if we all ignore the paper’s double standards in their editorial policy, they will eventually go away and no longer be a problem? One only wishes.

But double standards, you cry?

Well, yes, try this on for size from today’s Iditorial, which took a big stick to the out-going owners of Jupiters, saying

‘But the full potential of the casino and hotel were never going to be achieved when Echo continued to skim off the profits and put little back into the facility.’

Geez, the Bully missed a big story there, which seems to have only come to light now that Echo is selling. Because ‘to skim’ is generally meant to be illegal, as this definition has it:

'A form of white-collar crime, skimming is a slang term that refers to taking cash "off the top" of the daily receipts of a business (or from any cash transaction involving a third interested party) and officially reporting a lower total; the formal legal term is defalcation'.

Funny, haven’t noticed that 'revelation' while big-advertising Echo was incumbent and not intending to sell!!! It would be ... could still be ... a national front pager. 

A crusading newspaper indeed – after the fact.

But the irony fairy takes another flight of fancy around these finger-wagging, mis-used words, because, (while The ‘Pie implies no illegality), that is EXACTLY what News Ltd is doing with the Townsville Bulletin, taking everything out and giving nothing back.

The hypocrisy is breath-taking.

But the best is yet to come. Have a wild guess who is purported to have written these unintentionally hilarious lines above - which figures.

Emily the Editor?

The newspaper that laughably claims that it shapes the issues and concerns of this community now has an editor who regularly – rather than occasionally – farms out the editorials to … would you believe … Emily Macdonald.

The ‘Pie first noticed this during the silly season; he supposed that it was good time for someone on trainer wheels to have a stab at the editorial, with the iditor on hols.

And they followed such a similar pattern to the usual guff by Iditor Lachlan Heywood – two thirds an almost word-for-word lazy repeat of a current news story then some vapid remarks about the subject being good, bad or that we should be vigilant/get behind/ make someone accountable/support et al – that one wouldn’t really have known the difference. Except, in what one assumes is another dopey oversight, the paper’s editorials have never been signed, which is normal practice but the on-line versions carry EMac’s by-line.

So this ‘opinion leading and (self-appointed) agenda setting' paper now has someone, who, in terms of mature community understanding, is still wet behind the ears. 

Not sure, but it seems Emily is a wise and ancient 28. An average journo and one of the slightly less appalling kiddie columnists, Emac is a nice kid (well she and The Pie used have a laugh and got on well in the office - hi, cougar) but her efforts show a distinct lack of understanding of what editorials are – or at least, were – meant to convey. Among those qualities was respect for the paper, but that went west under Typo Gleeson anyway.

This can be seen as News Ltd’s latest finger to the community, not being willing to appoint a mature, knowledgeable and balanced person with local experience to the editorial chair, to deliver a thoughtful viewpoint on current issues.

Still, Echo’s solicitors may well be making a polite inquiry as to where young missy got her ‘skimming’ information and if can she back it up. Tony Raggers been making suggestions, has he? That can join the list of other legal matters pending with the paper.

While the rest of the rag is generally quite good, the news pages and the columns continue to be an insulting mess.

Even in the classifieds.

Hope Tania gets her money back. She won’t, they’ll just re-run the ad with the correct pic … but only if she spots it and knows of the cock up. Otherwise, mum’s the word.

Moving on. 

Here’s a word of comparative cheer for those who think our local government situation is dire. (It isn’t but some people just can’t help themselves.) Mayor Mullet may be what could be termed a minority mayor, and she might occasionally try some spiteful political shenanigans of the sore loser variety, but she is a paragon of virtue and a pillar of upright society next to who they have down on the Gold Coast. 

Gold Coast mayor Tom Tate.

Mayor Tom Tate has been dubbed Porky Pig, not because of any perceived porcine resemblance, but because he told so many blatant porkies during his election campaign. He’s been found out big time, and picked the wrong people to try some legal bullying through a solicitor mate.  Full points to the Save Our Spit group who haven’t flinched when faced with a bully and his grubby mates. It’s a bit of a read, but excellent writing and investigative journalism, well worth a look here.

At least The Mullet tried to KEEP her dopey promises.

In the spirit of leavin' 'em laughing, here's something from the names to Conjure with, Dept of:

This comment during the week …

The PieJanuary 21, 2014 at 8:58 AM

The latest in our occasional series Names To Conjure With.



Over at Amsterdam University there is a professor of neurobiology who rejoices in the moniker Dr Dick Swabb.



He has written a book titled We Are Our Brains, which leads to further contemplation, especially by those females who believe men often confuse that organ with another more centrally located one.

We also learnt that a finance spokeswoman for the big number crunchers Deloitte revels in the name Victoria Brilliant. Insert own joke here. 

Freedom Commissioner Tim Wilson ... that's him in the middle.

And we discovered the newly appointed and controversial ‘Freedom Commissioner’  with the Human Rights Commission, right-wing activist Tim Wilson has told journalists he isn’t in the job for a month or two yet, so he is ‘yet to assume the position’.

Given his previous statements on the Human Rights Commission, The ‘Pie wonders if it will not be him, but us, who eventually have to 'assume the position'. But there is no truth in the story that to celebrate his appointment, he is sending out this special self-explanatory gift to his critics, to help with their poison pen letters.

Enough now, it is away to Poseurs Bar, where the management have taken it upon themselves to introduce a retro disco dance night. The ‘Pie will be anxious to see if Mongrel the Barrister and Deidre McFondle can repeat their feat of last week. They were both so legless drunk that when they crossed the floor to get another drink at the bar, they won the dance contest.