Saturday, February 1, 2014

It is no contest … this week's Chicken Little The Sky Is Falling Award takes pride of place on Townsville Bulletin's crowded awards mantelpiece.

It’s been an all-round hilarious week on several fronts for the Astonisher … The Magpie counts the ways …

… the biggest mystery about a mystery Chinese visitor to Townsville recently is why was it a mystery? …

… Is one of the Townsville Ratba ...  errr ... Ratepayers Association leading lights in for a hiding … perhaps that should be whipping – in court later this month.

And exclusive … the pic the paper missed out on which graphically shows the devastation of Cyclone Dylan …  all that and other odds and sods unearthed during the week here in the nest at

A picture is worth a thousand words, and on Friday, the Townsville Bulletin could have run the following pic and then got on with the other news of the day.

Even Bentley was a bit of an old worry-wart, figuring we’d been pretty lucky.

We’ll return to The Astonisher's stellar week soon, but other matters. 

Remember this gormless galoot?

Yes, none other than one of the Lovable Laughables aka the Townsville Ratepayers Association, Daniel Whipps, who mows lawns for a living and is alleged to make threatening phone calls as a side hobby. At least, that’s the charge he’ll be answering when he appears in the Townsville Magistrates Court on Feb 28. The ‘Pie will respect that the matter is before the court and leave it at that for the moment, anyway, the bird has no reliable information as to what it is all about. Our boyo will be quite familiar with the court complex, because he appears to answer a speeding charge there on the Feb 21st.

Mr Whipps is usually a publicity seeker extrordinaire who one sometimes suspects has a kangaroo loose in the top paddock, but he might not like this glare of the public spotlight. Especially since there is some sort of back story from another court appearance a year or two ago, on an unknown (to The Magpie) matter, when he is reported to have gone slightly bonkers and among other things, allegedly accuse the prosecutor of stealing money from him – while at the bar table!!! Not sure if that bizarre matter is finalized, but hey, you’re a regular reader, Whippsy, send us in the details of the truth of the matter.

Moving on.

The poor old Astonisher – over three days churning out something like 20 over-written pages of speculative shock/horror stories about Dylan, ranging from the informative to the alarmist to just plain dopey and dangerous. They did their best to conflate a king tide with the extremely remote possibility that Cyclone Dylan would have the exquisite timing to arrive in a handy three hour window for the paper's desired maximum disaster outcome. Fair enough to point out the dire consequences if that should happen, but it was dopey, when it didn’t happen, to pose a bloke fishing in ankle deep king-tide street water in front of his house – made him look like a goose. And it was downright irresponsible to pose a 5 year old kid up to his neck in water in Twelfth Avenue … so much for all those ringing editorials about youngsters and water safety. At least next time when some young naïve daredevil gets swept away in a flood drain, they will have picture to illustrate what kids shouldn’t do – not to mention the health hazards.

Yesterday and today, the paper had painted itself into the corner of endlessly rabbiting on about what DIDN’T happen. Or about what DID happen – in Bowen! 

It is rumoured some people in Townsville have heard of Bowen. And vice versa.  

But salty water or no,  there was a distinct piscine odour in the air, laced with an equally distinct whiff of desperation. And why wouldn’t it be a fishy pong, emanating as it is from a mullet and a kipper.

The Pie refers to this curious story The Astonisher ran under the unproven  headline ‘Chinese Trade Visits Paying Handsomely’, which goes on to say no such thing by any measure. Indeed, despite being written by the generally astute Tony Raggatt - who probably didn’t write the headline - the article raises more questions than it gives information.

For instance, the assertion is that because a Chinese businessman who met Hill and Kippin’s during their recent China junket visited Townsville recently proves that the ratepayers thousands that went into the trip has already proved to be worthwhile.

As is so often the case in The Astonisher, the dog whistling subtext was that those mongrel Townsville First councillors have egg on their faces now for questioning the value of that junket. If the Mullet and The Kipper say it was, then it must be so. 

TEL's David Kippin

Albeit that Mr Raggatt reported the unnamed bloke was in Australia to visit his son in Melbourne anyway, an increasingly desperate Kipper was hailing the drop-by as some sort of significant business coup.

"This visit by such an influential investor is a great outcome from the very successful trade mission," Mr Kippin said.

Huh? What utter tosh, and you can almost smell the desperation for relevance – and justification - from this prince of rorters.

But the questions raised by omissions in the article keep coming.

At no stage in the story was this visitor named during his two day stop-over last weekend. Why was that?

Businessmen of any stripe, while perhaps not seeking publicity, rarely if ever ask to remain anonymous if it’s going to spruiked in the media anyway. If this gentleman did, why? If he didn’t, why couldn’t the Mullett or The Kipper proudly - and typically - parade his presence by name. And if he did want to remain anonymous, why didn’t Mr Raggatt follow normal journalistic practice and say so?

Which leads to another question: if these vastly inflated and self-serving claims of worth in the visit are to be believed, why wasn’t the media (or at the very least The Bulletin) alerted to this fabulous, kudos-attracting couple of days. Be great publicity rather than an un-illustrated story three days later. Surely Mayor Mullet and The Kipper – both top shelf publicity hounds - would’ve done a selfie or two which they could slip to the paper on the quiet, or better still, whack it on Facebook (that would ensure the paper got it – that’s where the Astonisher get most of their stories).

If it was all that hush-hush, did it actually take place at all?

Then there is the claim that both the Mullet and the Kipper had ‘in-depth discussions’ with this fella over the weekend (you start to feel sorry for the poor bugger who was no doubt yearning for the 'fasten seatbelt' sign and a double Scotch after a couple of hours with this pair). What could possibly be ‘in-depth’? This is clearly hokum of the first order, and smacks of an inventive ‘what I did on my holidays’ report to class on back-to-skool day.  Seems the mutual back-slapping is a sign of being ultra desperate to justify their Asian jaunt.

While Mr Raggatt clearly pointed out that this bloke – let’s call him Mr Hu Dat Man – was a big noise in the cotton industry back home, what wasn’t said was that the visit  included a look around the Burdekin at possible cotton growing properties, which is likely to be his only interest in this region. 

And good luck with the Greenies, cane farmers and the Government in starting up a large scale water hungry and saline-inducing cotton industry in the Burdekin.

But subsequent investigations by The ‘Pie reveal that  while protocol and politeness are paramount in Asian business culture, the Deputy Mayor Vern Veitch and the Planning and Development Committee chairman Tony Parson – let alone anyone else on the council – were not invited to meet the honored guest. In fact, the Deputy Doo Dah thinks he may have been informed of the visit only after the honored guest had departed. If Hu Dat Man was so important that he  justified the ratepayer-sponsored China junket, surely an reciprocal and inclusive bit of a knees-up would’ve been both polite, prudent and possibly productive.

After all, as the Astonisher keeps lying to us, Townsville First councillors are the divisive element in council, so hasn’t the mayor missed a golden opportunity to show her mature and inclusive leadership?

(Pause, until the tears of mirth are dabbed away … snurffle, ah, sniffle … that’s better).

A small but relevant digression – remember when His Radiance Mayor Tony Mooney refused to represent the Townsville community when John Howard, the leader of our country at the time, came to town to gift us Jezzine Barracks? He snubbed the PM on purely the party-political grounds that it was ‘just going to be a Liberal love-in’.

Seems Mayor Mullet is victim to the same ALP political attitude in this matter, but in reverse,  grabbing the (dubious) glory for herself by excluding others.

Rather than mature inclusive leadership, this honorary editor of the Daily Astonisher seems to take for her role model this lovable character.

Ja'amie, the schemer of Summer heights High.

And just when you were starting to think she’d woken up to herself.

That might be a bit sad, but another person who has hilariously not woken up to himself is council reporter Anthony Templeton aka Simpo Simpleton. He apparently sucks his thumb and has a blub to anyone who will listen about that nasty ol’ Magpie ‘saying fings ‘bout me .. sob’. You sook.

In one of the most bumptious bits of boofheadedness he has yet come up with, Simpo has taken it upon himself to ‘rate’ the performance of all Townsville City councillors in today’s Astonisher. 

And these assessments would indeed be astonishing if they weren't so predictable.

Maaate!! You loftily ignore the glaring fact that these ratings are done by a person who is utterly distrusted - with good reason - by the majority of councillors who won’t take your calls at all or only with special pre-conditions, and believe you are clearly in Mayor Mullet's pocket – so they’ve rated you, old son, and its been like that for a year or more. 

So you expect us to take seriously your assessment of their worth? You're an A grade goof if you do. 

Condescending codswallop that it is, Simpo, you lose any credibility when with your rating of Les Messagebank Walker. Giving away your poorly hidden agendas, you pompously write Clr Walker’s role is to support the mayor and get into the political scraps with the Townsville First majority.’ (!) Funny, The ‘Pie thought they were all independent, including the mayor, working for the good of their constituents, and putting party politics aside. According to earlier statements from you, 'politics' is what those nasty Townsville First lot do. So it’s Messagebank’s job to stir up the paper’s much ballyhooed myth about ‘deep divisions’ in the council, is it? 

Well, thanks, at least now we know.

Still proving he;s Messagebank Walker.

That is as it may be, but there must be some faces purple with rage out Wulguru way when you write
‘He is readily available for residents with concerns.'

You have to be kidding.

Here’s a little history lesson for you, Simpo.

A few years ago, a number of residents in Les’s division were so frustrated with being unable to contact him … ‘leave a message at the tone’ resulted in the most apt nickname of ‘Messagebank’ … that then councillor David Crisafulli was approached by half a dozen disgruntled residents with requests for help in various matters. Crisafulli gained a lot of political brownie points for looking after those matters promptly, but Les wasn’t even shamed into getting off his lazy arse to rectify the situation.

And guess what? He’s still doing it!! Two councillors have received several calls in recent weeks complaining of his non-contactability. And when he accidentally lets one slip through to him, he shuffles it off to someone else to administer the inevitable run-around.

Have a chat around Walker Street and perhaps you might learn about this for yourself, Simpo. Les is the laziest councilor this city has ever seen … his record on various council committees over the years is proof positive that this is the case. Just lately, though, he'd go to the opening of an envelope if there was a photo op in it; it's said he wants to run in the state seat of Burdekin to continue his gravy train journey.

We all know your favourites Simpo, so you and the paper both get a big fat F for this risible effort – F is for Fail …. and also for … umm, ‘cusa me folks … Fuckwit.

A chum sent this into the nest during the week, when a friend sent in a letter for publication in the Astonisher. This was the automated reply.

Chum’s comment was a shame they didn’t apply those rules to their reporters. The Pie reckons some of the total rattbaggery that gets into the letters and texts columns could bear a second look under those rules, but that’s unlikely as long as Ann Attila the Hen Roebuck has a say in the letters published.

Finally, this from a comment posted during the week.

'Anatoly, mate, good on yer, cobber.'
Don't be surprised if Bob Katter makes a move to have Charters Towers 'sister-city-up' with the Russian city of Sochi, host the Winter Olympics. Seems the mayor of Sochi, Anatoly Pakhomov, is a Mad Katter soul mate.

Sochi has told the BBC there are no gay people in his city, an identical claim to the one Bob made about North Queensland.

Under closer examination, though, the mayor started to squeak and babble just like Bob, with some wonderful contradictions of which the member for Kennedy would be proud.

Sochi mayor Anatoly Pakhomov
Too cold for a Gaytime.

Asked if gay people had to hide their sexuality in Sochi, he came on all Katteresque by saying ' No, we just say that is none of our business, it's your life. But it's not accepted here in the Caucasus where we live. We do not have them in our city.' Cripes, has old Anatoly been reading the Northern Miner?

When it was pointed out that there were two gay bars in Sochi, was he certain ther was no gaydom lurking about? 

'I am not sure, but I don't bloody know them,' he said. So he stopped short of saying he would walk backwards to Moscow if there were any, just as Bob said he would reverse his way to Canberra if there were any up here in NQ. 

But his boss Russian President Vladimir 'Vlad the Imputer' Putin was in a more - ummm - embracing mood. He has said homosexuals would be welcomed in Sochi for the Olympics, but then revealed his Aussie connection to Senator Corey Bernardi by adding the caution ' just leave the children alone’.

The 'Pie notes that Anatoly's name sounds suspiciously like Pack 'Em Off.



  1. What a witty week Pie. I had to chuckle about ja some.. So TRUE.
    I thought the pics stories of the cyclone cheesy and set up.

    Why would.sam hwaky promote getting losses as a story?

    The fishing rod and filling the kyak with water moronic. If I see another umbrella pic by Evan, I'll huff puff and blow the house down myself.

    Thanks pie.

  2. Usual vitriol from a disgruntled ex-journalist. Better check your sources malcolm because you look like a goose.

    1. The above comment is published just to highlight a point. It is one of many received into the nest which go immmediately to delete heaven. The 'Pie's point is that if a certain issue is addressed, even robustly, he will publish and/or reply in the blog to that issue. Simple name calling makes no point and is boring. (By the way there is no such thing as an ex-journalist.)

      But above, we have some aggreived dimwit - as are the others of his/her ilk - who says nothing. Like -duh - what was incorrect? To what did you refer? (Is that you, Danny boy? Think so).

      The nest has even received bleating second blasts when the original wasn't published, suggesting that the old bird can dish it out but can't take it himself.

      Here's a newsflash, but that doesn't mean you have to move your lips any faster while reading it.

      This blog is not a newspaper, TV or radio station all of which carry certain public obligations (loftily ignored by The Astonisher for the most part). It is a well inforfmed PRIVATE blog, so The Pie is under no obligation whatsoever to publish unfocussed, often foul-mouthed and vague sprays against him.

      If you want to do that, START YOUR OWN BLOODY BLOG.

      And the golden rule: Don't like it? Don't read it.

    2. Exactly, pie.

      Probably some boo hop bully journo wrote the above comment Their job will be on the line soon. Ray

    3. D- Simpo- Murdoch's pin up boy for Townsville news.
      D- KATE HIGGINS- She's a Seinfeld journo.
      F- Anthony Stewart- I guess for not writing a cyclone story in a sporting context.

      I think that You're spot on Pie and the pot is stirring in the office at the Astonisher.


  3. The joys,possibly a new cyclone. More fishing pics, more railway estate flooded pics, more wet trucks.

  4. To get top marks from simpo Garry Eddiehausen must really have done a deal with the devil. What did he leak to Simpo? Can you shed any light on this Pie?

    1. To The 'Pie's knowledge, Clr Eddiehausen is the straightest of straight shooters ... (unfortunate phrase about an ex-copper, but you get the drift) The 'Pie in his days around the court more than once heard good things about his integrity and fairness from several crims he had collared. Perhaps there was a momentary glimmer in the gathering darkness of Simpo's machinations that made him realise that bagging this particular councillor would be too obvious even for his barely hidden agenda.

      That said, the Townsville First shiny bums are a tad pissed off with Mayor Mullet's penchant for doing a David Kippin and grabbing other people's ideas and claiming them for herself (example: being the mayor that brought the budget back into surplus ... while actually having voted against ALL previous five budgets that laid the groundwork for the surplus So dumb because it was so obvious). So it is possible ... and not unethical at all ... for councillors to occasionally give the Simperer a heads up about an initiative about to brought up in council (tackling chroming in Clr Eddiehausen's case) to head off the Mullet's politicking. This insures that Simpo can't get contrary riding orders from his political mummy.

      Generally speaking, though, they leave running council agendas in the media to the mayor, and that goof Messagebank Walker, who can't even get that right.

    2. There must have been a deal between Garry and Simpo. I know for a fact Simpo does grubby deals all the time. It is in his nature. His political mission is to destroy all Townsville First councilors so he can get his dream job of reporting at the Courier Mail. Pity he will never make it come true.

    3. Look, just to try and get the message of The Pie' previous comment home, here's a couple of questions, because these wild assertions float around this town and gather a life of their own, without being intelligently challenged.

      First of all, what 'deal' could a low wattage dimwit like Simpo offer any councillor? You may disabuse yourself of the idea any illegal cash offerings ... if you think that, then you don't understand how tight the Astonisher is with dough when it comes to leaving it in Townsville ... and the management, dire as they sometimes are, wouldn't countenance such activity anyway - the consequences if caught would be tata Bulletin.

      And you don't understand that Clr Eddiehausen would - without a single doubt - report the matter immediately to his old colleagues in Stanley Street.

      So what else could Simpo offer as a deal? This is where your proposition gets muddled, because you say his mission is to destroy Townsville First - so why would any TF councillor, only too well aware of his amateur shenanigans and shallow purpose in the paper, 'do a deal' with him? The paper was never a major shot caller, and now its rapidly waning store of influence would make any deal of preferential treatment for an individual councillor - like unquestioning support for higher office, say - wouldn't be worth the proverbial - errr - cup full of cold water.

      The mayor uses her grubby political smarts to run agendas in the media, but her deal with Simpo is along the lines ... 'here's a story all for you, sweetcheeks, and no one else will have it'. The gormless galoot blushes, scuffs his feet in the dust and murmurs, 'Aww, shucks, thanks, mayor. Can I call you Jennykins?'

      And it doesn't matter which side of the political fence you sit - or like the Magpie, on the fence post - it's a fair guess that a vast majority would pick Garry Eddiehausen as the last person to be disloyal, dishonest or be underhand in any way.

      Conspiracy theories generally have some reasonable element of ambiguity surrounding the given facts of an issue - so putting this one aside, how about you tell us all about one of Simpo's 'grubby deals that you know for a fact'?

  5. Bob kat could represent us at the Olympics in the you figure ice skating division.

    Wear tights.

  6. Another jam packed week. The cartoons are hilariously good.

  7. Having a crack at Simpo, is like finding a good garage sale.

    Poor didim simpi. boo hop hop.. Lol

  8. I believe that the cotton tycoon you are referring to is probably Wen Hee Kum of Fukuen province in southern China. When I saw the Kipper last week he had Kum in hand.

  9. Clever and witty as usual Pie. And of course as part of the Bully's Dylan coverage there was that pic (on line at least) of someone from "Ayre". As foe h child neck high in water - yeah wondered about that one too and the papers past editorialising on keeping kids out of flood waters - and king tides! As for Simpo and his councilor rating story - absolute juvenile rubbish and drivel!. Why not do a report card and rate each of the Bully's journos and columnists? Might make for an interesting and hilarious read.

  10. OK, great idea, let's do a report card on the Bully journos. Send in suggestions ... make 'em witty folks and try to stay away from the irrelevant personal imaginings cos we want to laugh, not just decry. If The Pie gets enough worthwhile comment, he will consider a special mid-week Magpie.

  11. Ten... Shari

    Sexy, funny witty lady.

    Zero.. D Bateman
    Dull coconuts and boring.


    1. Hey Dan, Coconuts kill more people than sharks.


    Evan Morgan
    Best Cyclone Aftermath Image (gosh, a man with a dog)
    Nick Anderson with Salty on Rowes Bay at Bowen.

    Sam Milk and Tia Maria Heal and toe journo.
    Best Boozy Cyclone Story
    "What else to do but sit back and party"

    Rating: seven.

    Best Non Cyclone story
    Harry Brumpton

    Rating: five
    Just Because.

    Best no cyclone in Hughenden I have to find another story instead to fill the paper..
    "Nuns depart Hughenden"
    Fi Harding

    Rating: seven.

  13. More of the same biased drivel from Townsville First's number one fan, groveler and ticket holder -yes you Magpie. Best you take a deep breath and realise that your blog is read only by those who support your views. You've scared the rest away.
    Anyway, as you say, you don't have enough readers to warrant more than annoyance value for those you regularly defame. Oh well at least there will be a limited payout in any defamation action based on the fact that no more than 50 people read your bitter tripe. Even the Astonisher has better readership figures that that.

    1. How come you're reading it, Salty? You secretly share The Magpie's views?

      You're a paradoxical parrot, you drip!

  14. Sounds like a sub iditor or a chew of staff.

    You really are getting to them?? Keep up the good work, good cartoons and table and chair picture.

  15. Mrs Atil reminds me of an evil catholic nun.

    F for both.

    Where's the cyclone dill art in the astonisher's entry?

  16. This weeks blog is a beauty, reminds me of the Pie from yesteryear :)
    1:Shari Tagliabue gets a B+, Good looks played a part in this(but not much), she knocks out a good story or two.
    2:Anthony Galloway C, the boys at least trying.
    3:Kate Higgins C-, Kate, love, I don't need to know how you pack your reg grundies when going on holidays.
    4: Daniel Bateman D, seems to try to hard, to read all his stories without nodding off is an effort.
    5: Anthony Templeton F, no surprise this one, poor boy still hasn't worked out that he is Jenny's boy, and will be cast aside in favour of a jurno who can offer more.
    To Salty, I read the pie every week, generally I agree with him but I sometimes I don't.
    Posts on this site are to inform people of things that happen which the Astonisher, wont, cant, refuse, or to scared to print.
    There is another site for you to try called Blogging Townsville give it a try, I read it a couple of times but found it was dull so I don't read it anymore.
    You get where I'm going with this don't you.

  17. Sounds like Salty Seagull is a member of The Townsville Ratepayers ASS.

  18. Pie, I am surprised you missed such a tasty bit of news regarding the Astonisher. Emily Macdonald has been made chief of staff, which caused Simpo to have a super tanty in the office. Yelling, swearing and shouting all because he wasn't made chief of staff. He basically had to be talked off the ledge. He verbally abused Emily during the office wide meeting announcing her appointment. Very poor form. I still don't know what Jessica will do. Maybe use her best assets to get a few defence yarns.

    1. poor Jessica. Emily as c o s would be an insult.

      At least Jessica can write a story.
      a B for her as she is great in combat.

    2. I can vouch for that. Simpo's display was appalling and almost brought Emily to tears as well as many raised eyebrows in the crowd. Not so sure about poor Jessica, she got deservedly boned and Simpo got passed over. I guess he's no longer the rising star.

    3. So where was the Iditor, who is widely regarded as a managerial soft-cock by his staff? Or more to the point, where was that arch-misandrist Attila the Hen? She would've waddled in (her days of wading in are long gone) into that one, all half-baked feminist guns ablaze. So much for HR (sorry, People and Kulture they now call it and probably spell it)

      And when The 'Pie was around, if you wanted the strut to the title of the Chief of Staff, the price you paid was constant stress, second guessing by incompetent managerial meddlers, 24-hour panic, often hostility from distrustful people who were possible story subjects (not to mention photographers) and - as one now departed COS told The 'Pie, - a bottle and a half of wine every night and tears by bedtime. (With the memorable - for all the wrong reasons - COS incumbency of Lendl Ryan, all the COS's of recent times have been female, possibly The Hen's handiwork).

      So dunno if Jess is too upset, anyway she's good enough to be able to tell them to get stuffed, after all she only returned from a good southern job for personal reasons - and was promptly financially shafted by Typo Gleeson and Attila reneging on her pay conditions - a matter that took months to rectifiy.

      And The 'Pie wouldn't over-rate Lendl 'Hot Chicks Only' Ryan's influence over promotions - he was shuffled off to some grandly titled bullshit position because of constant complaints from the public about his arrogant and juvenile manner while in COS's chair. (Internal complaints about COSs hardly ever count in any newspaper.)

      Then there is a good old conspiracy theory that having a married couple - even a courting couple - in the same newsroom is a recipe for dissension and division, so maybe The Hen figures this will break Emac, and she'll shuffle off to motherhood and the domestic bliss of cooking vindaloo curry every night.

      As for Simpo - as Mark Twain said when asked what he thought of Cecil Rhodes - 'A fine fellow, and when the time comes, I want a piece of the rope as a memento'.

    4. Emily will be a terrible cos. This has Mickey Mouse's fingerprints all over it.

    5. So has Emily, heh heh heh

      ....sorry, The 'Pie couldn't help himself.

    6. ... Not to mention, overworked rosters...COS changing jobs every ten mins, changing start times, sending out journos and photogs to unachievable time constraints.

      Lie-oni was the worst coz.

    7. 'hot chicks only' Lental was a rude git. I'd say similar to mrs Atill.

      Emily's promotion is a dime a dozen in that office.

    8. If Emily is crying now....

    9. OK, a bit of an update.

      Emily Macdonald is now the DEPUTY chief of staff, apparently covering mornings. Jess J remains COS, and takes over from midday to take the paper to beddy bys. It hads been decided the demands of the job are too much for one person ... only too true when you're sifting through dredge and bullshit to fill the paper.

      While even Simpo wasn't stupid - or game - enough to say anything at the newsroom announcement, he is said to have had a go at Emac when the coast was clear. However, he has occasionally previewed the disaster he would be as COS when filling the role on Sundays.

      And in regards to some comments, a few which weren't published, there is a bit of resentment and snickering on the newsroom floor about Emac's connection with her intended the grandly titled Night Editor Lendl Ryan and his (somewhat unlikely) influence on her new appointment.

      When Attila the Hen dabbled in a spot of nepotism and used her seniority to get her daughter a job on the paper,at least she had the judgement not to put her in the newsroom, and into advertising instead.

  19. What the little cubby journo Simpo can't seem to grasp is a possible reason why TF councillors might not want to return his calls.... "You change the interview to suit your own political agenda and therefore the Mayor's agenda...." and therefore Simpo you are not trustworthy and have no credibility as a journalist.....

    1. The Pie hears some councillors will only takke his call if he first emails the subject., And they're all now awake to his ploy here, where after talking about the agreed subject (which often never makes the paper) he casually says 'Oh, by the way, while I've got you, what do you say about ....'

      That tends to trap the councillor into either a rash spur-of-the-moment comment, or a bad look "Clr Bloggs refused to comment'.

  20. Salty...mate get a grip will ya? If you think the Astonisher is more interesting and newsworthy than years gone by then you've been eating too many chips on the Strand. It's a nothing and I mean NOTHING paper now with short panted wanna be L played journos who use Facebook as a source for stories. And as for the more mature journos ( hell I think here are 1 or 2) there is no competitive news drive - eg days after The Australian breaks a story that includes Townsville - hell we might just a get a story days later - then perhaps not! I don't always agree with the Magpie and the Townsville First mob - but they strike me as a lot more honest that the previous Labor toads - and I have voted Labor many times. So cut back on those free chips and wing it skywards for a real look see.


    Ooh Wah! Someone's been up to no good. Again!

  22. Wow, this is a mother of a harvest, this week.

    Mayor Mullet is ja Maine, as it's all about her.

  23. pie,
    f. Simpleton.

    b. Jessica J she's good at defence unlike below

    D. Emily m
    She might be in kahoots with mental, the night manager and fiancee.

  24. From the T/B Mon 3/2 It would appear that the Cluden race course has become lost (sport p 27) Cluden Park date moved "yesterdays Cluden Park race meeting has been rescheduled after rain left the track UNTRACEABLE" Careless

  25. Where I come from having councillors or politicians refuse to talk to a journo means they have something to hide. Mmmm!

    1. Ah, the old journos' mantra.

      Well, Brissy Boy, you're either naive or one of Rupert's biased boofheads.

      When you are consistently misquoted - or selectively not quoted to create an incorrect impression - in order to promote a politicaly biased and sensationalist agenda in the paper, nothing is served by playing that lopsided game. You're also missing the point that a majority of councillors won't talk to THIS PARTICULAR reporter, and indeed have started to approach TV journalists with stories, where no agenda of faux influence is evident - not up here anyway. David Sparkes didn't have this problem when he filled in on court rounds a while back.

      The disgrace here is not the people who won't talk to the media but the way the Townsville Bulletin offers a disgracefully skewed version of the news aimed at garnering new readers ... a disastrous miscalculation that has seen the albeit inevitable decline in readership and circulation accelerate at an alarming and disheartening rate.

      The Magpie has said it before .. and unlike computers, some people need information punched into them more than once - but the old bird DOES NOT cheer the massive fall from grace of a once highly respected and trusted newspaper ... he seeks the return to the days of sober, objective reporting, professional sub-editing and columnists who are there because of their experienced point of view and wit, not just to fill space.

      Fat chance under the current mob of southern blow-ins, here under sufferance in the current instance of Heywood, who faced a demotion in Brisbane if he didn't agree to come north. There is a question of committment to the community, so consider this. Mick Carroll was the last editor to own a house in Townsville ... Typo Gleeson was, and Lachlan Heywood is, a renter.

  26. Personally, I miss the days of the broadsheet format and the rather distinguished layout of the front page banner. Things were a little more dignified in those times.

    Simpo is such an immature little tosser. I imagine that his co-workers have even less respect for the twerp after his spoiled brat behaviour. I’ll give him this, though: he gets full marks for persistence, if aught for perception and principles.

    Jeeps, Seagull, me ol’ mate. Not exactly Jonathon Livingstone, are we? What part of The ‘Pie’s blog stung your bum? The tale of the mysterious Chinaman? My money is on Rags being the author of such vomitus – although the field is so large that I am getting really good odds.

    Monday morning and this blog has 36 (published) comments. How many did Simpo's pathetic "report card" get? I had a cursory look on their website, but couldn't be bothered to waste any more of my time trudging through the trash. However, I did notice that opinion pieces or stories rarely got more than 3-5 comments. Simpo's puff piece on Jezzine today recorded exactly nil. So - using your own methodology, exactly how many readers does the Bully-tin now have? And what does that say about the quality of content?


    1. Oh Grumpy, you take yourself far too seriously.
      You are, after all, just a grain of sand on the beach - and a pretty average one at that.

  27. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  28. Old Bird, Jenny Lane looks like your twin sister. Come clean, she's an old bird too!

  29. Do you own a property in Townsville Pie?

    1. Ooooh, The 'Pie does so love a good conspiracy theory. No luck with RP Data?

      Your impertinent point is? Either way?

    2. I think it's Mr Whippy , He wants to mow your lawn for free (sic)

    3. This may be an appropriate point to tell a tale of two cities...

      Two properties - one in Hyde Park, the other near Hobart. Both the same vintage ('60's). Three-bedroom, one bath, standard workers' cottages, Hyde Park value ~ $320K Tassie~300K

      Council rates for Hyde Park are around $3,600 a year. For the Tassie property, $1,040.

      The difference is $2,560 a year. And I can assure you the Hobart has better maintained streets, immaculate parks and gardens and much better services/amenities than we have here.

      Hobart is 215K population, The 'Ville about 175K

      The Mayor of Hobart has a salary of around $120K a year. Jenny gets $162K, plus perks including, it would appear, an overseas "fact finding tour" once a year. Business Class, no less.


  30. In today's TB on page 15 there's a cut and paste filler entitled "Year of the what? It's a list of "typo's" by BBC, who apparently suffer the same misplaced trust as does the TB in spelling checkers rather than mortal (read salaried) proof readers.

    The temerity of this tabloid beggars belief; only last week they managed to lose Cluden Racecourse by the very same omission.

  31. Is it just me or is the page hit counter permanently stuck at 473,642?

    Do I win a prize now? Is 'where's Wally' also hiding in the magpie cartoons somewhere?

    1. No, no, and no ... in that order.

  32. Interesting approach the Astonisher has to its story comments now the "new look" aka standard News Ltd web site is bedded down - well it appears that way. It doesn't matter if you comment on their stories over the weekend - they never appear and then the site is updated with Monday's stories. The only week days the updating of the web site appears to coincide with staff starting times. Understandable in these costs conscious times but you'd have to wonder about traffic to their site which impacts advertising rates and reader interaction - basically there is none now. Perhaps there isn't the reader interest any more. Conan the Grammarian and even Grumpy seem to be gone from the Bully site - understand I guess but still.... and what ever happened to serial commentator (and whinger) Stan Newman?

    1. Important note - the "Grumpy" who occasionally texts the idioter is not me!

      That should have been obvious to you, BB - I am much better looking and, I would hope, more articulate that that phoney.

    2. Don't read texts to the editor Grumpy - most of it's not English and just stupid whinging! But thanks for the clarification anyway.

  33. Paul Anderson of PimlicoFebruary 5, 2014 at 6:44 AM

    Another indication of laziness (or worse) is the Astonisher's overuse of anonymous quotes. The New York Times they certainly ain't, but they could maybe take a page out of that august paper's style manual that says the practice is to be 'a last resort'. I can dig if someone's saying something that might endanger their own (or someone else's) reputation and needs protection, but people are allowed to be quoted anonymously (or only give their first name) for the most mundane reasons sometimes. This is all brought to mind by the article referred to above, the 'Chinese businessman's' visit to Townsville. Why on earth wasn't his name printed? I completely agree that if anonymity was requested, the article should've said so, and why - or better yet, the paper should've determined that there wasn't sufficient justification and turned down the request. Also: did Mr Raggatt get in touch with the investor to get his thoughts? Try and not succeed? Get rebuffed? Certainly the subject party of such an important article (if it did say so itself) should have been allowed the opportunity to have his say (even if it did have to be anonymously). And if he couldn't be reached for comment or refused to cooperate, THAT should have been put in the story. Bet we don't get a word of follow-up, either (another huge beef I have with the Astonisher...)

    1. Now, Paul, despite the popular opinion to the contrary in the Astonisher newsroom, The 'Pie is not up himself (the blog speaks for itself) but when something appears here, it ain't never gonna get a mention, at least not directly. Certainly not a defensive of something pointed out in the Nest.

      Lendl Ryan sends in easily recognisable foan-flecked, almost illiterate personal attacks occasionally, but always anonymously ... this is his life-long preferred method which he uses on the internet to anyone of whom he has a beef - a few years ago, he was famously sprung and was forced to apologise to a colleague for exactly this cyber 'coward's hit'. (Yes, yes, The Pie knows he let's through a lot of 'anonymous' comment, but it must have something to say rather than just slag off ... you ought to see what doesn't make it on to the blog).

      The paper will do the odd follow-up to something The Pie has unearthed after a few days grace of seeing it here, operating on their axiom that nothing is news until it appears in The Bulletin.

      The Astonisher staff are aware that having any contact with The Pie is a definite no-no, even if it is to simply attack the old bird's parentage, a supposed sexual preference for small furry animals (that's nonsense, the little buggers run too fast nowadays) and failing that, an unrequited desire for a threesome with Vern Veitch and Ewen Jones. Even that sort of undergraduate spray would, in the parlance of The Astonisher newsroom, give the blog 'oxygen'.

      And while we're on the subject, line of the week so far goes to old Magpie chum Emily Macdonald, who grandly stated in her column scolding social media for downgrading the looming threat of Cyclone Dylan ...

      "No one is advocating a full-blown panic, but a Category 2 cyclone was on track to strike the largest city in North Queensland.'

      'No one' ... except a certain paper that did the usual overkill that turns readers off with more than 25 pages over the three days preceding Dylan. And a limping attempt to recover the fumble when Dylanbehaved like a NQ tourist and failed to visit the 'Ville.

      Crying wolf and overstating the size of its jaws to boot was a massive turn-off, and Emac sounded like her employer had been stung by the almost universal criticism and horse laughs about the sensationalist twaddle and lack of sober leadership from the Townsville Bulletin.

    2. During cyclone Yasi's clean up in Tully and opted to return to Townsville to take her fostered day off.

      Suzanne Lowe.


    3. huh?

      There must be a crook batch going around...

  34. A good week Pie.

    The Astonisher's report card a big F

  35. Just to prove it's not only The Astonisher ...
    Federal Minister for Green Stuff, Greg Hunt is a slight shade of red today, after his office sent out a media release which had the following gem ...
    'Emissions figures released today show the carbon tax is still inflicting plenty of gain, with no environmental pain.'
    Errrk!! That had Christine Milne yippee skipping about the place, making a strange unfamiliar sound that was later identified as laughing, which is strictly against Green Party rules.

  36. Looks like Tender Lovin' is knee deep in it

  37. Wendi Deng's love note for Tony Blair published.

    oh dear poor Woopert.

  38. In today's TB on page 12 is a report of a Canadian man being sentenced to 15 years in the slammer for importing drugs into Oz, can we now expect an invasion of the Canadian media to protest his innocence and camp outside the "notorious" prison?

    Will they rejoice and make tele-movies of this poor misguided arse?

    What is all of this clamor for about a bloody life ruining self-confessed drug mule? There's none of this BS for the "Bali Nine", how shallow has our media become? It's all about appearance and she does have an incredibly well developed sense of camera consciousness.

    Maybe if our jails were to provide similar facilities the anal cavities that see going into detention as a bit of fun and a right of passage.

  39. Ah, so....

    Who says Bully-Tin staff don't read The 'Pie's musings?

    In a weird take on 'Where's Warry?", Rags, obviously smarting from this week's Woo Dat Man musings, has named and shamed a Chinaman this week. Pity that said Oriental has been around here for the last 30-odd years and, whilst hardly a household name, is hardly the secretive type or even a little bit newsworthy. Dog whistle again for Jenny's Junkets??

    Nice try, Rags. Still does not make up for the previous bullshit piece.

    Problem solved! Rippin' Kippin has found the answer to the problem of Yoof Crime. Simples. Just build a super stadium. Wow. That'll fix it.

    In what reality does this moron reside? Quarter of a mill a year for this arrant nonsense? I want my money back.

    By the way, that idiot who trashed a family car the other night and thinks it funny to go around saying 'I stole a Jeep", may not be so cocky when the Beak says 'I jailed a creep". Go on, Your Honours, I dare ya...

  40. Too good not to pass on. Tbis editorial today from

    Crikey says: a new age has its limits
    "The age of entitlement is over, the age of personal responsibility has begun."

    So said Treasurer Joe Hockey on Monday. Fine sentiments. Hockey is to be congratulated for them, and for being willing to take tough decisions on General Motors and SPC Ardmona to illustrate them.

    But like any salesman's pitch, there were some hidden terms and conditions in the declaration, some fine print that you won't find in the media articles or transcripts. What Joe actually meant was that the age of entitlement is over -- unless you're:

    Building "tourism infrastructure";
    Getting a grant and not a "co-investment";
    Not operating in a perfectly free market;
    In a marginal seat;
    The financial planning industry;
    A high-income earner;
    The big banks;
    A private school;
    A private health fund;
    Redeveloping the Prime Minister’s local footy ground;
    Rorting fringe benefits tax;
    A major carbon emitter;
    A transnational mining company; and
    An MP or senator.
    In which case it’s fine -- you’ll be looked after.

  41. Oh, 'Pie...why repeat this unsubstantiated crock of prejudiced bullshit? Just more smarty-pants hyperbole from the half-smart Lefties.

    Look at the Crikey email today - do you see anything that is not distorted through the prism of the left - apart from a half-hearted and bland jibe at the Wiki-Leaks Party. Anti Newscorp, anti Coalition anti Conservative and pro small L liberal. Smug and pious crap, most of it.

    I subscribe, but only to be able to cross-reference from other more thoughtful sources.

    1. Grumpy, is it fact ot not? What is distorted about it? And how about the double standartds of Cadbury's getting dough in a marginal electorate and Ardmona, safe in the government's hands doesn't. Don't get The Pie wrong, he believes public money should not have gone to Cadbury's, and he agrees with the economic policy of not supporting Holden and other such global Daddy Warbucks outfits, but wonders at the inconsistency.

      The list is right ... even if it is left, if you get the drift.