LNP Preselection: An Army Man For An Army Town?... and His Radiance Arising?

Following up on the Pollie Wannabe post, The Magpie has been graced with some further fevered breathings down the MagpieFone, naming the four hopefuls seeking Liberal National Party preselection for the state seat of Townsville. The old bird's shallow nostril (he still isn't grand enough to afford a `deep throat') was in a teasing mood, serving up some juicy morsels but refusing to say what is for dessert.

The Townsville four are Delena Foster, the former mayor of Palm Island,  the Harley-riding `Mad' Max Tomlinson, from Senator Ian Macdonald's Sturt Street bunker, ex-walloper, fitness fanatic and Townsville City councillor Dale Last, and rounding out the field - one John Hathaway.

John who, you both cry? Well, his full title is Lieutenant-Colonel John Hathaway, who passes his time spending some $350 million sprucing up Lavarack Barracks, making sure the Enhanced Land Force blokes (and one supposes, in this day and age, the odd blokette) are comfy and will have their pillows nicely plumped by the kind of RSM, after a hard day's enhancing in the field.


[ This mug shot of Lt-Col John Hathaway is as seen on The Bully story about Lavarack Barracks published last month, click here to view that story.]

The pre-selection poohbahs, including former keeper of King John of Canberrium's bows and arrows, Prince Peter of Lindsay, the former Laird of Herbert, along with greyhound fancier and former Jehovah's Witness John-Paul Langbroek, will gently inquire into their faiths and beliefs in Townsville next Saturday before anointing the chosen one.

Since above the screen of the computer on which this drivel is written proudly sits The Magpie's badge proclaiming `Everyone Has A Right To My Opinion', here's how the old bird reckons it will go down.

Delena Foster is way ahead of her time, and sad to report that Townsville is probably a generation away from electing an indigenous person as their representative, no matter how able he or she may be. But Delena and those coming behind her must keep putting up their hands. One day, folks, one day, but today, the LNP - of all parties - seem unlikely to take the risk.

Mad Max is nudging up in years, but that doesn't necessarily knock him out. However, it's a fair bet that he is a bit too new to the party, and despite doing a sterling job getting Ewen Jones over the line in the Federal poll, all in the face of a number of blatantly biased, spin-doctored stories in the Townsville Bulletin, Max will need to clock up a few more behind-the-scenes months, even years before getting a serious nod.

The Magpie would here like to point out, referring to previous post on this subject, Max made a good start as a prospective politician, fibbing his silver-haired locks off about not intending to run when The Magpie asked. Keep it up, old son, you'll be up there with Capt Snooze, The Talking Mullet and Cuddlepie before you know it.

It would seem that Clr Last is, right now, last and least. He has been rumoured for some time to harbour grand goals, and indeed, might have been a real chance but for the Bully's front page on Friday, naming him (if the Bulletin is to be believed, which is a thigh-slapping aside these days) as a team deserter, or as the paper described him to save space for its beat-up yarn, `a rat'. Right or wrong - you take your pick - mud sticks, and Clr Last will probably be seen as a little too independent for any regular party.

So The Magpie's money is on the Loot-Col from Lavarack. The Magpie understands he has been some hard party yards behind the scenes for a while, and an army man for an army town is a good fit. An honoured military man invading Brisbane on our behalf and creating commonsense mayhem amongst the southern metrosexuals and bling heads will be fun to watch. With Prince Peter on the selection panel, one would think that Officer Hathaway will take it away, by a country mile.

The Magpie's slick-teaser informant also said the losers on Saturday could still be considered for Mundingburra and Thuringowa, and then intoned smirkingly `but believe you me, the big surprise will be Mundingburra'. And that will be interesting, since Lindy Fly-in, Fly-out Nelson-Carr has decided to leave cousin Mandy to fend for herself in parliament, and will off into lucrative retirement.

The Talking Mullet has apparently gone cool on taking up the deal to be the chosen one for this seat, since Premier Blight is so on the nose and Labor is looking at a shellacking next election. This was a deal she did to be a good girl about big-time loser Tony His Radiance Mooney being shoehorned in by Canberra as the hapless candidate for Herbert, and thus by-passing the local branches. Those party faithful so disaffected by this bit of bastardry are laughing last and longest even now. One of Fifo's staffers is said to be lurking around the preselection shadows, waiting for the nod. More on that down the track.

All that leads to another intriguing situation, because me old Mullet is spruiking up a team for the council and mayoral race even now. She might start ripping up her lime green and pink rock'n'roll petticoats in rage when she learns that indications are getting stronger that His Radiance is contemplating a Lazarus. Yep, all the planets look to lining up for a crack at returning to the local government fray, despite repeatedly taking a poll pummelling from his own party that would put Rocky Balboa on his bum.

But the indications are there, what with Bully editor - a title you may take any way you like - Peter `Typo' Gleeson seen regularly dining with His Radiance, the Minister for Muck-ups Cuddlepie Wallace, and lawyer Big Bazza Taylor, a longtime backroom Mooney supporter (altruistic, of course, nothing in this for him).

And nothing too unusual about seeing Big Bazza with these good ol' boys at Michel's or Ming's Dynasty since Big Bazza is the boss of the editor's highly qualified, and by all reports, deservedly highly paid, solicitor missus. She has splendidly handled at least one matter for one of Bazza's star clients, Lozza Lancini, down at Pallarenda, which the Bulletin exhibited due fulsome praise. Smart boy, Bazza, he certainly hires well, although the straight-shooting Lozza is said to have looked a bit befuddled by all the noughts on his legal bill.

Enough now, it is away to Poseurs' Bar, where he will endeavour to preselect some drink-sodden wench to steer back onto the path of righteousness. This devout old bird will know his work is done when, after much laying on of hands, the redeemed one cries out `Oh, God, oh,yes, oh, God' before both he and the saved one mark the miracle with a celebratory cigarette.